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4 Reasons There Is No Such Thing as a “Bad Match” in Astrology, by Desiree Toby Antila

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

We have all heard it before: "I can't date them, because they are a Gemini." More and more, people are generalizing the sun signs of others before giving them a chance. We have heard time and time again that Trine and Sextile couples are the most desired matches, but are they? Today, many couples are looking for their equal and someone who challenges them to be a better version of themselves. Just because one person wants a companionship that is "easy" does not mean that that is what everyone desires. Some of us prefer to have a partner that ruffles our feathers and acts as a mirror for us to see ourselves for who we truly are—someone who pushes us to reach a higher state of self-actualization.

In my book, Sun Signs in Love, I state that "There is no such thing as a bad match in astrology, and to base that belief on simply looking at sun signs is like judging a book by its cover. You are not destined to fail because you have some more 'difficult' aspects in your synastry. All relationships are difficult, and all relationships have beauty and lessons to be learned. Astrology is meant to be used as a device to assist bringing you and your partner clarity in areas of opportunity and to show the splendor between your unique compatibility."

Astrology acts as a tool for us to better understand our partner through by understanding how your elements blend, your modalities collaborate, and how your love aspect vibes. Through those three mediums is how you get a deeper understanding of how to utilize the effective parts of your relationship and how to strengthen the areas of opportunities. Each relationship and couple are completely unique, being comprised of several variables. Astrology gifts us a way to untangle the knots and allows us to understand our partner on a new level creating space for compassion.

Continuing with this theme, here are four reasons why there are no "bad" matches in astrology.

1. Chart Types
   There are two types of charts you can use when looking at compatibility—synastry and composite. A composite chart reveals a relationship's astrology by using the midpoints of two birth charts while a synastry chart helps one understand a relationship's compatibility by overlaying two birth charts. Both are great ways to understand the energy of a match, but I personally prefer synastry. I find that synastry charts hold more information and personalization into not only how each of the individuals feel about the relationship, but also how the energy flows between the two. Synastry charts are downright juicy. In my book I quote, "Synastry between all of the planets is crucial to understanding the overall vibration between individuals. Synastry is defined as a way to determine a couple's likely compatibility and dynamics through comparing their natal charts by overlaying them on one another." There is so much complexity and beauty in each synastry chart, and there is always strength and beauty to be found in every single match—making your unique relationship chart the first reason why there is no bad match.
2. Aspects
   When people are denoting a "bad match" in astrology, they are most likely to be referring to the aspect. The stereotypical "unfavorable" aspects are square, semi-sextile, and quincunx matches. The ones that can go either way are the conjunct (same sign) and opposing signs. However, after conducting hundreds of synastry chart readings and observing astrological relationships for over 20 years, I kindly disagree. It is an astrological fact that when there are too many trines in a chart, things become so easy that the energy becomes lazy. Just as in life, there should be a natural ebb and flow to everything, and of there is too much ebb or too much flow the relationship becomes unbalanced. In Sun Signs in Love, I dive deeply into all seven aspects and how they can meld their energies for harmony. For example, Quincunx couples have quite literally nothing in common astrologically. They do not share an element, a modality, or polarity. However, Aries and Scorpio (a quincunx match) share ruling planet Mars, making their physicality a way for them to connect. There is always a way for the signs to connect through the stars—you just have to find a way to get there. There is beauty, strength, and opportunity in every aspect, even the "good ones," making aspects the second reason why there is no such thing as a bad match.
3. Elements
   After the aspect, the element is the next reason people will brush off a potential love match. You will hear things like, "I can't date a water sign; they are just too emotional for me." Most people will say that and then not even realize that they themselves have a stellium in a water sign. Yes, blending some elements can be tricky, but if done correctly makes for magnificent combinations of love. An example of a delicate blend is water and fire. If there is too much water it puts out the flame, too much fire it evaporates the water, but with just the right amount, you find a nice steam. Finding balance between all four of the elements when being combined is another key to a harmonious partnership. Even the trine pairs (same element) must be careful when combining their equivalent element because too much of something is never a good thing. As I note in Sun Signs in Love, "When water meets water, there is no resistance, causing things to flow into a stream of enlightenment. However, too much water can create a flood that drowns all life around." Being conscientious and respectful of the power that each element harnesses is crucial. Furthermore, learning how to successfully blend them makes you an unstoppable combined force, which is why your elements are the third reason why there is no bad match in astrology.
4. Modality
   Learning how to communicate with you partner is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things to do in a long-term partnership. However, astrology offers a way to assist in understanding your partner's communication style through the methods of modality. In my book I state, "Modality is defined as a way in which something occurs, is experienced, or is communicated." Traditionally, cardinal signs have a more direct way about their communication, fixed signs are more introverted and methodical, while mutable signs are the mavens of communication and the chatterboxes of the zodiac. Astrology states that square, opposed, and conjunct couples are a more "difficult" love match, yet they share the same modality, making their communication style similar in fashion. Wouldn't you consider that to be a good thing? I certainly do. For example, Gemini and Virgo are square to one another and while their elements may not blend as easily, they are both of mutable modality and share Mercury as their planetary ruler—the planet of communication. Have you ever met a Gemini and Virgo couple? They connect through conversation in the most beautiful fashion. In my Gemini & Virgo chapter of Sun Signs in Love, it says, "Gemini enjoys how the virgin charms them by firing up their mind in such fascinating conversation. They banter like two evenly talented opponents in a heated tennis match—with a new winner every time." This makes modality the fourth and final reason why there is no such thing as a bad match in astrology.

If you are wanting further insight into what makes your astrological love match wonderful and special, I encourage you to grab a copy of Sun Signs in Love for a deeper dive into all of the magic that synastry has to offer. As I say in the book, "The intent and takeaways of [Sun Signs in Love] are to find seeds of wisdom to make your love stronger, to understand yourself and your partner on a deeper level…" I hope that is what you find—a way to create more compassion and understanding for your partner. Because let's face it: relationships are hard. No matter where you are in your love story, finding love and obtaining it is always a challenge. However, if used in a constructive and positive manner, astrology is here to make love a little easier.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2022. All rights reserved.

I have always had a hard time killing anything. I can't bring myself to kill spiders and others insects that I find in the house, to the point where I hesitate before slapping a mosquito on my arm. I also will move worms I find on the sidewalk to the grass so they don't dry out. Over the years as I've grown more and more spiritual, this has become more pronounced. I've been a vegetarian for a long time, and now I'm finding I actually feel guilty about "killing" and eating plants! I do realize it would be impossible to survive on Earth without killing anything at all, and I'm starting to feel a bit over the top. Am I the only one who feels this way? What happens to our karma when we do something like kill spiders in the house? Thanks for your wonderful work!

- Terry

Dreamchaser:

I had to laugh when I read your question, because I am the exact same way!

For example, a wasp was in my kitchen, trying to get out the closed window. I put a glass on top of it, slid a paper between the window and the glass, and held the paper over the top while carrying it to the back door. My son (who is one of "us") said, "Good job, Mama." I felt REALLY good after figuring out a way to save us from stings, and save the wasp from death. I think that like me, you appreciate the life of every living thing.

We human beings are at the top of the food chain on Earth. Whether we like it or not, there is a food chain. If you watch the National Geographic channel on television for a mere 24 hours, you will see a whole lot of death and dying. That is the way it is. A lion has to eat, so it jumps on an antelope. It looks brutal and sad, but it is just the food chain in action.

The food chain was constructed so that every being in the universe can live. If the lion did not eat the antelope, the world would be overrun with antelopes, so some death is vital for the life of every other being. It may seem vicious, but it's true.

You have to eat. If you do not eat, you will die. If you die from self-imposed starvation, I think that would be a bad thing for you spiritually, for it would break the life covenant you made before you were born with God/ the Universe/ Spirit/ whatever-name-you-prefer, for your soul would have to leave this life unfinished.

As a human, you need to eat things that were once living. That is a fact. God gave us these things so that we could sustain our lives here with them. That is plants' and animals' karma. Food was put here to be consumed as food. The food's soul knows that and is fully prepared to fulfill its karma.

Thank the food for giving its life to you to sustain you. Let its energy live on in you. I think if you try this approach, you will be able to make peace with this issue.

You are NOT the only person who feels this way. I am sure there are many others just like you. I know that if I had to go out and slaughter whatever I was going to eat that day, I would probably starve to death!

I am grateful that I can go to the grocery store and buy whatever gave its life for me and mine. I cannot tell you the number of times I have nothing but junk mail in my mail box, and wonder how many trees had to die for THAT useless stuff. I think there are lots of people who come from a place of conservation for all life.

I wish you peace-full resolution to this food chain issue.

*****

Astrea:

In so many of the world's religions, the idea of killing ANYTHING is wrong. In the Jewish/Christian tradition, the commandment flat out reads, "Thou shalt not kill."

For me, hunting deer and other mammals for sport just isn't right. In Texas at this time of year, all the groceries and feed stores have huge amounts of what is called "deer corn," which is used to lure deer out of hiding so that they are easy for fellows who have downed a six-pack or two to shoot.

Even though I grew up with hunters, I don't see the sport or the necessity of such an approach. No one I know is hunting to feed their families, though I know that happens too.

So what's a person to do? If we shalt not kill things, how do we eat? There are thousands of edible foods produced by plants and animals that can be had without harming their source. Apples, pears, oranges and avocados grow on trees; cows and goats produce milk; pecans, walnuts, almonds, cashews and other nuts are all products from plants that leave the plant healthy and intact when we eat them.

Talking about eggs can start a big argument, so I won't do that here, but no matter what anyone says, unfertilized eggs are NOT unborn baby chickens any more than an unripe avocado is an unborn tree.

As far as meat is concerned, take a look at your incisors! Those teeth were made to tear into something in a healthy way. If you think that eating the flesh of animals that are fairly close to us in construction is wrong, fine - don't eat them. However, you must realize that you were born with the right equipment to do that if you should ever change your mind.

Our "food chain" wasn't created by us, but by God. Blame God for incisors and a healthy appetite. Following a divine, natural plan can't be bad for our karma.

As for the spiders in your house, if they're poisonous or you fear them, grab a piece of paper and let them move onto it, then take them outside. If it's too cold out there, put them somewhere you won't be afraid of them, like your attic or your basement, if you have one. If they are beneficial (and by the way, carnivorous!) spiders that are taking care of an ant or roach problem, leave 'em alone. You go about YOUR business, and let them go about theirs.

If you step on a bug by accident, say you're sorry and go on with your life. Trying to avoid the accidental smushing of a few bugs or vegetables can become obsessive and compulsive. All God asks of us is that we do our BEST in life.

Thou shalt not kill for fun and sport, but otherwise, you've got to eat!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.