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by Alexandra Chauran

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Middle age gets an undeserved reputation for crises. Some blame the stars, pointing to a rough Saturn Return painting the astrological skies. But, realistically, the rash actions that we associate with a midlife crisis can happen at any and every phase in life. Once you recognize that strife and struggle between two opposing outlooks can cause a spiritual and emotional crisis, you'll see that many stages of life have a similar challenge. As the author of Getting Through It: Reclaim and Rebuild Your Life After Adversity, Change, or Trauma, I'd like to introduce you to the many crises of life so that you won't feel so alone.

Trust Versus Mistrust
Psychologist Erik Erikson wrote a theory about psychological development that proposed that we are all supposed to go through emotional crises in life. We intuitively know that this is true, since popular culture widely accepts the idea of teenage identity crisis and a mid-life crisis during adulthood. Erikson noted, however, that some crises come about out of order and are triggered by something big happening later in life, just like what’s happening to you now. So, for example, if you skipped the identity crisis in your teenage years, you might have it later in life. If you find out that you have a life-limiting illness, you might go through a crisis that you weren't due for until old age. Over the next few paragraphs, we'll explore the Eriksonian crises and how you can process them now, if necessary.

Consider the crisis of trust versus mistrust. At some point in your life, you hopefully learned to trust people, such as a caregiver when you were an infant. If you never learned to trust, you may find your crisis is forcing you to place your trust in a professional, the medical industry, or the judicial system. Write in your journal how you feel about the people in whom you should place your trust, and how you can work through this crisis, if applicable. Explore areas of trust and mistrust in your life, seeking to find a balance of reasonable trust.

Autonomy Versus Shame and Doubt
Very young children insist, "I can do it myself" when attempting daily tasks, with varying degrees of success. If we were supported by loving parents who also encouraged a healthy degree of independence when we were toddlers, chances are that we were able to develop a similarly healthy autonomy. If, however, we were smothered or neglected or somehow skipped this stage, a traumatic event can leave us feeling hopelessly incompetent.

Remember that one of the few emotions that you should try to actively prevent yourself from feeling is shame. If you are feeling shame connected with your level of dependence on others or isolation from those who can help you, this crisis is one that you should explore and resolve. Reach for your inner source of competence and power, and tell yourself that mistakes along the way to independence are okay. If there are people in your life who do not support any degree of independence on your part, talk with them and set up some boundaries that help you find more freedom. Write in your journal about any shame you feel connected to your independence or lack thereof.

Initiative Versus Guilt
Preschool-age children move into a crisis of making their own independent choices and learning to live with their own responsibility for outcomes. You can probably pick out the people in your life who never fully resolved this conflict because they have a hard time taking responsibility for their own mistakes. Always have compassion for the people who experience a sensation of guilt that feels too great to bear. Your current situation might cause you to spiral back into the preschool age thought that you might have somehow caused misfortunes that are no fault of your own.

If you are still feeling a sense of guilt over the course of your life, you might just be living through another iteration of the initiative versus guilt crisis. Look at your situation with a reasonable eye, perhaps with the assistance of your most trusted loved ones or a qualified professional. If there is something that you can reasonably do to mitigate your current situation, by all means you should take the initiative to try. However, it does no good to attempt to blame yourself for random happenstance or to continue to beat yourself up over past choices. Write in your journal about any past decisions related to your condition that make you feel guilty, then write down anything that is still your responsibility to improve.

Industry Versus Inferiority
School-aged children move through a crisis of industry versus inferiority in which they attempt to work harder on jobs at school and, if they are unable to complete that work for whatever reason, they may spiral into a sense of never being able to complete the work. I can tell you that my six-year-old son is going through this phase right now, and he often quits his chores or schoolwork before he's given them an honest effort. Unfortunately, traumatized adults can feel echoes of this early life crisis when some calamity makes it quite impossible to honour their obligations at work or at school.

You'll know if you're going through the industry versus isolation crisis all over again if you know for a fact that nobody would blame you for doing less work and yet you find that you're inwardly calling yourself lazy or inferior. Explore in your journal any work that you are missing because you miss being productive. Brainstorm some new ways that you can feel just as industrious without putting your health and healing at risk.

Identity Versus Role Confusion
Ah, now we've landed upon the cliche identity crisis experienced by teenagers around the world. While we might remember with fondness the silly outfits and fads that we tried in order to experience new roles in our social circles, the identity crisis thrust upon us by trauma and tragedy is terrifying and invalidating. Are you the type of person you are because of the deeds that you do? If the answer to that question is yes, you'll struggle once you can't do the same activities anymore. You will be thrust into the very real conundrum of trying to figure out what aspects of your personality are stable attributes, and to what inner virtues you can cling when everything else is stripped away.

Sometimes other people can be more perceptive when you are confused about yourself. Ask people closest to you to name three adjectives that describe you, and what they thought about you when they first met you. You will likely notice a pattern about what people say about you, regardless of what point in your life they met you. Once you have a list of a few stable attributes people have noticed before and after whatever events have shaped you now, meditate on those personality traits and how to best express them in the world. Quiz your loved ones: What are three words that describe you? What is the first thing that he or she noticed about you when you met?

Intimacy Versus Isolation
As young adulthood matures into midlife, many people turn to companionship and the search for a soulmate. Couplehood is not the ultimate achievement in life, and there are plenty of people who are joyfully single. However, most people continue to seek intimacy (if not in a romantic relationship, tha=en in their friendships and family interactions). If your problems have caused a best friend or even a spouse to take their leave from your life, you will find yourself spiraling into a crisis of feeling isolated by your issues. It may feel like nobody in your life understands what you are going through, and such feelings are reinforced by well-meaning attempts by others to draw parallels between your personal tragedy and what may seem to be relatively minor troubles of their own.

My experience with isolation has been a rough one, since I lost a spouse and three of my closest friends with whom I connected every day. I can confirm that, if you lose enough people who are close to you, it can feel like there can be nobody else, because those people you lost fill your entire social horizon. There can be others with whom you can connect on an emotionally intimate level, but such connections cannot happen overnight. You'll need time, perhaps months, to witness whether you can trust your deepest thoughts with somebody who is shifting from being an acquaintance to a friend, or from a friend to a good friend. If you witness signs that somebody is a gossiper or overreacts to anything more than small talk, it is better to be lonely a bit longer while waiting for the right connection to develop.

Evaluate the friends that are currently in your life. Have some of them transitioned from being an acquaintance to being a friend? Of your current friends, are there any who could potentially be a good friend? Are your potential good friends trustworthy with your heart? Invite a friend to tea and see if you can talk about what is important in your lives.

Generativity Versus Stagnation
The midlife crisis may be more technically described as one of generativity versus stagnation, meaning contributions to others and future generations or feeling stuck and self-absorbed. Any traumatic event requires so much self-care that one can easily feel selfish. There is so much navel-gazing to do in pursuit of finding one's true purpose in life in the face of limited.

In your journal, I'd like you to write about what pursuits in your life, regardless of whether you still do them, have been a fulfilling way for you to contribute to your community, the planet, or to future generations. For some people, your interactions at work in one of your jobs may have been a source of generativity. For other people, time spent raising a family or caring for one's elders. Make a list that encompasses the first time you felt fulfilled with your contributions to the last time. Make note of anything that each of your pursuits had in common and any barriers you had to success.

Ego Integrity Versus Despair
The last Eriksonian crisis point reached in life is that of old age, ego integrity versus despair. Ego integrity is the state of being satisfied with a life well-lived, having come to terms with the choices you've made and feeling like you've generally done the best you can with what you have. Despair is what Erikson decided was the emotion in play when elderly people became obsessed with the past. Ideally, you would only encounter this crisis during your golden years, but if you're facing life-limiting illness or if you're just an overachiever you might end up puzzling over this one at a younger age.

Everyone has made mistakes in life, and some of your own mistakes may loom large during a time when it feels right to consider your life in review. Practice self-forgiveness. Some people pray for forgiveness from the divine, but if you cannot forgive yourself, your sense of crisis may remain. Take time in meditation today to talk to your higher self. Instead of begging yourself for forgiveness, try to inhabit the perspective of your higher self to become your own loving parent and forgive yourself. During any past mistakes that still haunt you, see yourself as somebody's wayward child. See the youth and immaturity in past choices and wrap yourself in love, comfort, and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for past mistakes in the same way that a loving and divine parent would forgive.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2020. All rights reserved.

After years of paying a lot of money for healing work on myself, I still find human interaction exhausting. I consider myself a healer and an artist but struggle to find enough confidence to live my purpose. Self-doubt and a cursed feeling keep haunting me. This leads to frequent depression. I feel like life is passing me by. I suffer from lots of aches and pains, especially joint and digestive problems, which I understand are a result of me not connecting to and digesting life. Other people's energy fields drain me easily, even if I go to great lengths to protect myself. I find it best to live a reclusive lifestyle, which is not always possible as a wife and mother of three kids. I often experience anger and feel misunderstood and out of place as if I do not belong anywhere. I crave higher wisdom but it is as if I am being kept from attaining it. Is it possible for you to see if all of these problems are only in my own mind or if there is maybe an outside source causing them? I find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, and find life very difficult and confusing. I would really like to master my own being and be part of healing the Earth. My sun sign is Cancer. I thank you and bless you.

Salome

Susyn:

Cancer is one of the more sensitive, psychic signs of the zodiac. As a Cancer, you are ruled by your emotions and may find it difficult to discover your place in the world. Cancers are wonderful caregivers and nurturers. Since they pick up the energy and emotions of others quite easily, when they are exposed to too much stimulation, they tend to feel overwhelmed.

Those born under this sign are more likely to suffer from depression and a lack of self-confidence than any other sign. This in itself can lead to feelings of anger and not belonging in the world. Once you are aware of the challenges and gifts of being a Cancer, you will be able to sidestep these issues and return to living a joyful, fulfilling life.

While I agree that your health issues are emotionally based, they are also the result of not living authentically in the world. Instead of fighting it, I think you should embrace your need for solitude and reserve at least one hour a day just for you. This may be challenging with small children around, so you may have to work your schedule around their naps or school hours.

Once you have established this time for yourself, start the hour with a calming meditation. If possible, create a small altar and adorn it with candles, incense and objects that bring you joy. Include a water feature such as a fountain along with healing stones from the earth such as agates or geodes. (You can buy a special crystal bowl to fill with water if that suits your space better.)

Light the candles and incense and relax. When you are out of balance, the candles will revive your energy and reignite your passion. The incense will clear your mind of worries and generate self-confidence. The water bowl or fountain will restore your sense of emotional balance, while prayer beads or the grounding stones on your altar can be held to center yourself.

Once you are relaxed, spend some time visualizing a protective force field around you. This is essential for sensitive souls who tend to absorb energy from the people around them. If you practice this on a daily basis, you'll soon see your inner calm reflected in the people around you, especially your children.

Sitting in silence will bring the inner wisdom and guidance you crave. Within a week, you should notice that you're receiving more inspiration, and are feeling less angry and frustrated simply because you are now giving yourself time to connect with Spirit.

*****

Mata Maya:

In my opinion, these problems are indeed in your mind; there is no outside source causing them. Of course, I feel this is true of all emotional and spiritual issues, for how we feel is entirely an inside job.

The main thing you need in order to feel the way you want to feel is awareness of your power to create your own reality and mastery of the ability to set your own tone. This is true of all psychic sensitives who feel like they are at the mercy of the energies and people around them. It's also an essential trait of a skilled healer.

You've been living like a fragile, delicate house of cards: Every time someone bumps into your foundation or a breeze picks up, you're left shaken and out of sorts. This causes you all sorts of distress and anxiety, and naturally makes you want to protect yourself by hiding away from the world.

To feel at ease and comfortable in the world, you'll want to grow from being like that house of cards to being like an ancient, beautiful temple: peaceful and lovely on the inside but strong enough to withstand all sorts of weather. This is the power of spiritual practice: when we cultivate peace and equanimity on the inside, we can ride out life's inevitable storms in a dry, safe, comfortable place, and even become a haven of spiritual comfort and sustenance for others.

I'd like you to imagine a wise old Buddhist monk with a perpetual smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye. No matter what is happening around him, he remains calm and contented. In fact, he transforms the world around him with his extraordinary centeredness. When he enters a room, everyone naturally shifts into a higher vibration and starts to see things from a spiritual perspective, so peace and divine magic follow him wherever he goes.

The key to his quiet power is his habit of setting his own tone and maintaining an extraordinarily high vibration regardless of what is happening around him. To cultivate this peaceful power, I encourage you to study the law of attraction, engage in regular spiritual practice like meditation, and continue to work on resolving the personal issues that plague you.

It is also imperative that you know how to do all of this if you are going to be healing other people so that you can lift them into greater well-being instead of being pulled into their distress. I encourage you to heal yourself before attempting to help others, dear one, both for their sake and your own.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.