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Essential Oils for Wellbeing, by Sandra Kynes

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

More than making a room smell nice, the use of essential oils is called aromatherapy for good reason. Because our sense of smell is intimately linked with memory and emotion, essential oils provide a way to cope with emotional issues and foster well-being. Essential oils can help reduce stress, calm anxiety, or provide a boost.

The olfactory cortex, a part of the brain that processes information about odor, is an area closely connected with the limbic (emotional/visceral) system. Details about what we smell is collected through thousands of olfactory receptors located in a small area at the top of each nasal cavity. As we inhale, air passes over these receptors and data is carried along a nerve pathway into the brain. In addition to interpreting information, our sense of smell influences the functioning of the central nervous system. This is why aromatherapy is so powerful: scent affects the brain's activity. Scent can help us deal with a range of emotions, alter moods, and help focus attention. Scent also enhances the ambience of a room, making us feel relaxed, energized, or uplifted.

The easiest way to use essential oils to support emotional health and well-being is to diffuse them into the air. There are various types of diffusers; some are high-tech gadgets, but reed diffusers and scented candles are gentle methods that are equally effective. And, because our noses are constantly bombarded by so many scented products, a subtle approach is a welcomed change.

Reed Diffusers
This method takes a little longer to disperse essential oils into the air than its electronic counterparts, but it's worth it—especially if you want to use scent in your bedroom. Safe and silent, it continues to work all night. A reed diffuser is also easy to make.

Items for making a reed diffuser:

• A decorative glass or porcelain container;
• Reeds;
• Carrier oil;
• Essential oil or blend.

A short glass or porcelain jar or a vase with a narrow neck works best. Do not use a plastic container, because chemicals from the plastic can leach into the oils. A wide-mouth jar with a cork can be adjusted by drilling a hole in the cork so that it is large enough to accommodate the reeds. Although there are several types of reeds on the market, rattan work best because they are porous and wick the oils more evenly. Reeds should be at least twice the height of the jar or vase.

A lightweight carrier oil works best for the base oil because it is drawn up through the reeds more easily than a thick oil. While sweet almond is often recommended for the base, I have found that sunflower, being a very thin oil, works especially well. If you are using more than one essential oil, mix them together first, and then give the blend about a week for the fragrance to develop and mature.

Pour ¼ cup of carrier oil into your diffuser jar or vase, add 2 teaspoons of essential oil or blend, and then gently swirl to mix. Adjust the amounts for a larger or small container. Place the reeds in the jar. Turn the reeds upside down a couple of times the first day or two to get them started. After that, turn them once a day or every other day to disperse the scent. Over time, you may need to add more carrier and essential oils to the jar. Replace the reeds when they become completely saturated, because they will no longer draw up fresh oil.

There are several things to avoid when making a reed diffuser. First, the fragrance oils on the market for reed diffusers are usually synthetic and not essential oils. Some of them may smell nice, but they are made from chemicals. The commercial base oils for reed diffusers are often chemical-based, too. Mineral oil and dipropylene glycol are sometimes recommended for a base oil, but avoid these for the same reason.

Scented Candles
Until you make your own scented candles, it may appear to be a complicated project, but it's not. I like making tealight candles because they are quick and easy to make. Tealight cups are available at most craft stores and online. If you're thinking of making a larger candle, a mason jar or decorative glass container can be used. Be sure it is safe to hold hot liquid.

Items for making tealight candles:

• Tealight cups;
• Glass measuring cup;
• Saucepan large enough to hold the measuring cup;
• Knife for stirring wax;
• Wax;
• Coconut oil (when using beeswax);
• Essential oil or blend;
• Carrier oil to give scent staying power;
• Wicks.

The base ingredient for candles is, of course, wax, and there are four commonly-used types: paraffin, palm, soy, and beeswax.

Paraffin is a petroleum byproduct and not a good choice for aromatherapy or other practices for well-being.

Palm oil has become controversial. It has been overused in food, beauty products, detergents, animal feed, and biofuel, and is now regarded as a major contributor to rain-forest deforestation.

Soy wax is easy to work with and clean up. However, a point to consider is that most of the soybean crop is genetically modified and may contain pesticides; you will need to do research to avoid GMOs. The terms "pure" and "100% pure" on the label only mean that the soy was not mixed with any other type of wax (such as paraffin).

Beeswax has been used for making candles since ancient times. While it is a little more expensive, it is a natural product that is especially good if you have allergies because it improves the air by neutralizing dust and odors. When purchasing beeswax, look for filtered cosmetic quality. Unfiltered wax contains some pollen, honey, and debris from the hive. Filtered wax doesn't contain these things and has less of an aroma that doesn't usually interfere with the scent of essential oils. Filtering also makes the wax blend more easily and evenly with other substances, such as carrier oils. When used for candles, filtered beeswax burns more evenly and produces less smoke than other types of wax.

While beeswax starts out white, it picks up color from pollen and ends up anywhere from pale amber to yellow to butterscotch brown. Like honey, the color depends on the types of flowers the bees foraged. Further filtering can produce a whiter beeswax, but bleaching with chemicals is often done to present a pristine appearance. Check carefully before buying white beeswax. As with soy, it can be mixed with other waxes, so look for the terms "pure" or "100% pure" on the label.

Soy wax is sold in blocks and flakes; beeswax is sold in blocks, bars, and pellets (also called pastilles, pearls, and beads). Blocks of wax can be grated like cheese, making it easy to measure and melt. Beeswax pellets are convenient and easy to use but can be pricey. I find it economical to buy beeswax in one-ounce bars, which is equal to two tablespoons. To measure smaller amounts, cut the bar in half or in half again. To make it easier to cut, place the bar in a plastic bag and set it in a bowl of hot tap water for about ten to fifteen minutes. When you are ready to make candles, chop the beeswax into smaller pieces so it will melt faster.

Candle wicks have small metal tabs at one end that go in the bottom of the jar or cup. While tealight candle wicks are easy to deal with, keeping a wick centered in a jar for a larger candle can be a little tricky. To help, place a clip style clothespin on its side across the top of the jar and thread the wick up through the spring. Wrapping the top of the wick around a pencil or barbeque skewer also works to keep it in place. If you are using beeswax, dip the tab in the melted wax and stick it to the bottom of the container to help keep it anchored. (Note that this doesn't work with soy.)

The amount of wax and essential oil in the following recipe is a basic guideline and depends on the type of wax used. When using beeswax, mix approximately three parts beeswax to one part coconut oil, which will help it solidify more evenly. When using a blend of essential oils, mix them together first and give them about a week for the fragrance to mature. The amount of essential oil or blend depends on the strength of the oils you use.

As an alternative to tealight cups, use a mini-cupcake pan for your candle molds. Take notes while making candles so you will know how you might want to adjust the amounts of oils and wax the next time you make them. The following recipe makes three to four tealight candles.

Tealight Candle Recipe

• 1 ounce wax
• 2 teaspoons coconut oil (if using beeswax)
• 2 teaspoons essential oil or blend

To make the candles, place a glass measuring cup with the wax and coconut oil (if using beeswax) in a saucepan of water and warm over low heat. Stir continually until the wax melts, and then remove it from the heat. If you are using beeswax, when it has melted dip the bottom of the wick tab in the wax and set it in the bottom of the jar or tealight cup.

Allow the mixture to cool slightly. While it is still liquid, mix in the essential oil. You may need to set the measuring cup in the pan of hot water for a minute if the essential oil congeals in the wax. Pour the wax into the jar or tealight cups but keep a little aside. As the wax cools, it may sink slightly in the middle around the wick. It may also crack or pull away from the sides of the container. Warm the leftover wax and add it to the jar or tealight cup to fill in these spaces. When the wax is cool, trim the wicks and give the candles a couple of days to set before using them.

Essential Oils for Well-being

• For General Well-Being: Anise seed, bergamot, caraway seed, clove bud, coriander, eucalyptus, geranium, ginger, grapefruit, juniper berry, lavender, lemon, lime, mandarin, manuka, marjoram, myrrh, neroli, orange, petitgrain, pine, rose, ravintsara, rosemary, sandalwood, thyme
• To Calm Nervous Tension: Angelica, basil, bergamot, cardamom, cedarwood, chamomile, clary sage, cypress, elemi, fir needle, frankincense, geranium, grapefruit, hyssop, juniper berry, lavender, lemon balm, mandarin, marjoram, neroli, orange, palmarosa, petitgrain, pine, ravintsara, rose, sage, spearmint, vetiver, ylang-ylang
• For Mental Focus and Clarity: Ayris, basil, bay laurel, bergamot, black pepper, cajeput, cardamom, cedarwood, cinnamon leaf, citronella, clary sage, cypress, elemi, eucalyptus (lemon), frankincense, geranium, grapefruit, helichrysum, lavender, lemon, lemon balm, lemongrass, manuka, myrrh, neroli, niaouli, orange, palmarosa, patchouli, peppermint, petitgrain, pine, ravintsara, rosemary, sage, spearmint, tea tree
• For Peace and Tranquility: Amyris, angelica, basil, bay laurel, bergamot, cedarwood, chamomile, clary sage, coriander, cypress, fir needle, geranium, ginger, helichrysum, lavender, lemon balm, marjoram, myrrh, neroli, orange, palmarosa, patchouli, pine, rose, sandalwood, ylang-ylang

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He is 46 years old and I am 32. I have been struggling with his energy for a year now. It's so consuming. I feel like when he's around me, I can't be my normal self. I've talked to him about this, and believe that he doesn't mean to affect me as he does. Nothing I am doing seems to be working. Even if I try to separate myself by going into a different room, I feel this very compelling urge to see if he's okay. (He's usually not - he wants to be around me 24/7, and makes me feel guilty if I want a break.) In fact, it is so compelling that I can't even read a book because I'm thinking about him. His energy drowns me and I can't live with him anymore if I don't figure out how to combat this! He is gone Monday through Thursday now, and is home for the weekends. You would think I'd be able to get a handle on myself, but it takes two days for me to snap out of the state he left me in after he goes. By Wednesday, I'm feeling like a new woman, but then he comes home Thursday night and I'm right back where I left off. It's like I'm in some funky trance or something. Any idea what the heck is going on? How do I prevent him from stealing my energy, if that's what he's doing? I truly love him - he's my best friend - but I have got to get on with my life/family/career, and I can't focus on anything else when he's around. Any suggestions?

Steph

Astrea:

Sometimes living together is just too much. I think as youngsters we all wish for that perfect partner who pays attention to us all the time. Your boyfriend isn't that perfect partner for you right now, but that doesn't mean you should toss three years out the window - you just need to examine together what you both want this relationship to be.

Your boyfriend could be smothering you for a lot of different reasons, but the one that keeps coming to me is that he feels insecure about your love for him. Don't feel guilty about that. I know you've tried to be everything he wants you to be, and that you've both put a lot of effort into the past three years.

The age difference might really be bothering him now that he's past 45 and you're still in your thirties. Insecurity can definitely cause a person to go overboard and become a Cling-on.

If you're honestly happier without him around you, then you have to try to face that and start over. Since you say he's your best friend and you love him with all your heart, instead of burning this bridge, try separating for a while to see if you're happier alone.

Tell him that you're feeling that you need some time to get yourself going in the right direction again. He'll be hurt, but if you set a date when you can come back together to reexamine your relationship, you may find that you miss one another and want to try again. (I suggest you reexamine things in three months.)

If you decide to try this, be sure to spell out the rules. If it's okay for the two of you to date other people while you're apart, make that clear to one another. If you really just want time to think things through, then make that clear too.

Don't play head games. If you expect him to wait for you to figure out what you want (and three months is a reasonable time to ask someone you've loved for three years to wait), tell him that you're NOT suggesting that you see other people - you need time by yourself to decide what you want.

Try talking about everything before you take any drastic steps. If you are happier without him, then it's time to move on anyway, and you'll have a good start in three months.

The only way to stop feeling that your boyfriend is sucking the life from you is to get out of this relationship for a little while and BREATHE. You'll probably miss him because he loves you. If you put it to him in a calm, clear way that you feel you need time alone to get your energy back up to speed, he'll understand - I'm sure of it!

*****

Susyn:

It is sometimes confusing when we develop relationships with people only to find them draining us, or as you say, stealing our energy. Some of these troubles may be coming from him, though you may also be reacting against what you feel are your obligations in this relationship.

We all need time and space to take care of ourselves, to develop and grow and move towards our goals. You don't mention if he wants a family or supports your career plans, and it could be that you both have very different desires and dreams about the future. If that's the case, it may be a good idea to list your career and family goals on paper and then discuss them with him. If he doesn't want a family or refuses to support your career, then you'll have some important decisions to make.

It also sounds like he is very dependent upon and possessive of you. If this was a healthy connection, you would be able to maintain balance in the relationship no matter how much time you spent together. It's important to determine if you are attending to his every need out of guilt or if this is simply a pattern or expectation that has developed over the last few years.

In order to sort this out, when he is home, try making plans of your own (apart from him) and observe how he reacts. If he is fine with it, then you may need to examine your own motivations for wanting to be with him all the time. If, however, you find that he really is determined to be with you 24/7, you'll need to start moving away from this co-dependent relationship.

Though it may seem difficult to separate yourself from him, if the statements in your letter are accurate, you will remain in limbo and could waste valuable years of your life by continuing on with the status quo.

Since you state that you love him and he is your best friend, you may want to consider couples therapy. If that doesn't rebalance the situation, it may be time to shift this relationship from a romantic bond to something more platonic.

For the most part, it sounds like this relationship has been valuable for both of you, but it no longer nourishes and supports your innermost desires. Putting aside your dreams to attend to his needs will ultimately just create hurt feelings and resentment for both of you.

Work on getting some clarity about what is most important to you - then you can start taking action to manifest the life you desire. He can either choose to come along or let you go - either way, you will be moving toward greater well-being and fulfillment.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.