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An excerpt from Overwhelmed and Over It 
by Christine Arylo

Women stretched beyond capacity. Women struggling to get it all done. Women sacrificing themselves to take care of everything and everyone else. Not just for a moment or a season, but as an ongoing cycle from which they can’t break free.

In her new book Overwhelmed and Over It: Embrace Your Power to Stay Centered and Sustained in a Chaotic World, bestselling author Christine Arylo offers women who have come to accept the frenzied, fast pace with which they live and work to stand up and say: “This way of working isn’t working. And it has to change now!” We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Asking for support does not make you weak; it makes you wise. Cultivating sisterhood isn’t a nice-to-have; it’s a necessity. When a woman feels supported, she thrives. When she feels connected and held in sisterhood, she exhales. When she tries to do it on her own, she flounders, drowns, and depletes herself. So why can it be so hard to ask for support? Why do we lack the deeper sisterhood and connection we crave, and just make do without it? Why is it that even when support shows up — whether it’s a simple act, like a man offering to take your suitcase down from the overhead bin on an airplane, or someone making a bigger offer to help you with a project or personal situation that involves the giving of time, money, or effort — you refuse or repel the support rather than receive it with grace?

We have become so self-sufficient as self-empowered women that we have become overly self-reliant.

We’ve become so used to doing whatever needs doing that we don’t pause to consider that we may need help to do it. We don’t consider that if we don’t have the resources we need, maybe we shouldn’t take it on. We’ve grown so accustomed to having to fight for what we need or just barely scrape by that we’ve gotten used to making do and doing more ourselves.

We seem to be stuck in a vicious cycle in which the responsibility to do it all on our own, without sufficient support, is our reality. Like Olympic weightlifters, we’ve hoisted the burdens on our shoulders, and held them there. But truthfully, too many women are buckling at the knees, and our girls are feeling the pressure much too young. I’ve witnessed women break bones, get sick, lose breasts, because only then, when their physical bodies broke down or got slowed down, were they forced to receive support. And even still, they resisted receiving. Needing others made them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Not being able to take care of themselves made them feel weak, lazy. This was not their fault, nor is it your fault if you’ve experienced a major health or life crisis that required you to receive help. I am being blunt and real with my language because my fierce feminine heart is saying, No more, for any and all of us. This deep imprinting against receiving support has made it almost impossible for us to receive what we need — so much unnecessary guilt, shame, judgment, and overgiving — and it’s costing us in significant, life-altering ways.

Our inability to receive as women has an impact on our physical, emotional, and mental health and quality of life, as well as our intimate relationships, families, desires, and work, in big ways. And in small ways with respect to how we block support — whether it’s a compliment or an offer to take care of something for us. I see it every time I hold a retreat and women arrive to check in and are greeted by my partner, Noah, who offers to take their bags. Noah stands over six feet tall, is 250 pounds, and like a gentle giant can carry three times what we could without breaking a sweat. You would think most women would gladly hand over their heavy bags. After all, they are on a retreat. But oh no! Over half react from some deeply embedded protective response: “No, I’ve got it!” In other words, “Back off, Mr. Man. I’m a self-empowered woman who does not need a man’s help.”

The other half pause for a moment to take in what has just occurred. I watch their eyes and can see their internal operating systems shifting, hearts and heads upgrading. These wise women, instead of contracting or asserting their she-woman strength, open their hearts. They receive Noah’s offer of support. As each one hands Noah her bags, I witness her exhale. Imprint breaker. Consciousness elevator. The bags, a metaphor for all the responsibility she carries in her life, have just been given to someone else to take away. The women realize they need to set down the burden of their lives. They received the unexpected support, and now they are free! The other half struggle and sweat their way to their rooms, once again choosing to carry the burden versus receive support.

This inability to receive support without guilt or apology has got to stop, now. Our lives, our missions, and the lives of our children depend on it.

Self-Sustainability Stands for Strengthening Your Capacity to Receive

Next are some self-sustainability stands that can help you cultivate support and sisterhood now.

1. I receive, versus refuse, support. Whether it’s a simple compliment or an offer of money, time, or effort, instead of contracting or blocking the support, open up to receive the support.
2. I receive support without feeling guilty or like I have to give in return. Embrace what is being offered as a gift, without feeling like you have to give in return or like you are a burden.
3. I know what I need, and I name it, without apology. Be direct and clear about what you need, instead of feeling like you have to prove or justify your needs. Then be open to how the support comes, as it often shows up in ways different than you 
think.
4. I make choices based on the resources actually available. In the running of your life, family, organization, team, and projects, operate based on the support you actually have, not the resources you wish you had or were promised.
5. I cultivate a strong web of support and sisterhood so the support is there when I need it. Create this support web for yourself as if your life depends on it, because it does. Don’t rely on just one person or one community. Cultivate multiple meaningful connections with individuals and communities — it’s about quality, not quantity — in which you connect in person and online; both are needed. This web will be what holds you when the challenges, doubt, and swirl stir you up.
6. When I set goals for what I desire to achieve, I also name the support I need to receive. When you set your intentions and plans for your business, organization, wealth, health, relationships, self-expression, and so on, use the four Wings of Support to identify the support you need. This way, giving and receiving will both be woven into how you work, create, relate, and operate.

You now know that in order to reach your goals, meet the demands of your life, and stay sustained, receiving support and sisterhood is a nonnegotiable. Your role is to get clear on what you need, ask for it, and open up to receive it, however it comes. This is a practice for how you design your life and meet both the expected and unexpected challenges and opportunities that come your way.

Christine Arylo, MBA, is the author of Overwhelmed and Over It. As a transformational leadership advisor, three-time bestselling author, and host of the popular Feminine Power Time podcast, she is recognized worldwide for her work helping women to make shifts happen — in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the world they wish to create. Arylo offers workshops globally and lives near Seattle. Visit her online at OverwhelmedandOverIt.com.

Excerpted from the book Overwhelmed and Over It. Copyright ©2020 by Christine Arylo. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I woke up in the middle of the night when I heard a whisper in my ear to "open your eyes now and look up at the ceiling." I believe I opened my eyes and was not dreaming. I looked up and saw a huge piece of crystal floating over my bed. It had brilliant white lights that illuminated my bed. I was unafraid and continued to watch the crystal through the beams. The crystal then began to morph before my eyes, and it turned into a king. Yes, it sounds bizarre, but it was still in the form of a clear, multifaceted surface. I could see the crown, the beard, the clothes. I could hear wind chimes as this was happening. I continued to watch this transformation, and then this "thing" began to descend, growing closer to me. When it became very close, I became afraid and I gasped. The instant I did that, it disappeared. I was sitting upright in bed, which is why I believe I was not asleep. I was sorry I became frightened, because I wanted to see what this thing was, but it disappeared when I gasped. I sat there hoping it would reappear, but it didn't. Maybe it realized I was not ready to see it? Do you have any idea what happened here?

Dreamchaser:

Sometimes things that are completely unexplainable happen in this Universe. I believe that this vision you had is one of those things. At times, the human mind simply cannot wrap itself around things that it "sees" or "experiences." There is just no way to explain some spiritual experiences in logical human terms.

I believe that is why there are a great number of Native American people who use the name "The Great Mystery" for what we call "God." It is all very mysterious and Otherworldly, and that really is the object. Sometimes we can make it make sense, and sometimes we can't. You have to trust that your soul got the message in this experience, even if you feel like your mind did not.

Please don't doubt what you saw. I really feel that this is Spirit's way of showing you that there is more to reality than the "reality box" you have created for yourself and now live in.

Without knowing more about your life, your spiritual path, your mental and emotional state at the time, I cannot begin to give you a pat, general answer explaining what you saw and what this whole experience meant. In fact, I encourage you to not try to put a label or name on it. It is no less "real" to you now than it was when it was happening. It would not be any more or less real if we could explain it.

One thing I want you to try to do is to start keeping a journal of your thoughts throughout each day. Record what happens and what is going on in your life. Make sure it covers actual outer events as well as your thoughts and feelings. Then when you have more of these visions, you will be able to look for patterns.

Also, I want you to start thinking about what the term "king" means to you. What does a man with flowing robes, a beard, a crown, etc., mean to you when you picture that in your head? We often hear our own answers when we go back and look for the meaning of certain events and experiences in our lives. Take each event or element and ponder, "What does this beard (crown, robe, etc.) mean or signify to me?" It may sound trivial, but if you try it, it will lead you to new insights.

Please bear in mind that people throughout history have seen things that just could not be explained. For example, Moses saw a burning bush that talked to him and would not incinerate. In essence, it said, "Moses, I am God." What do you think Moses must have been thinking in the logical part of his mind? I am sure I would have rubbed my eyes, blinked and thought, "This just can NOT be happening!" Another example is when Jesus showed up in the room with his friends after he had died and been buried. How does one explain THAT logically?

I wish you an ever open mind.

*****

Astrea:

Fear can disrupt even the most wonderful visions! That's what happened to you. You were most likely asleep, but when you sat up, you woke yourself up. It was probably time for that vision to end anyway. You had seen all you were meant to see.

Most of the time when we have a dream or vision like this, it means we are making big changes in our lives. Were you anxious or depressed before this happened to you? Having this kind of experience can mean that sadness, anxiety and depression are lifting, and you're taking control of your life again. This vision came to tell you that good times and new success were on the way.

The crystal you saw floating above you meant that you were moving into spiritual acceptance of parts of your life that you hadn't been able to integrate into your everyday experience before. The king meant that this new life you're starting in the "light" will bring you more material abundance, even though you've taken a spiritual path to achieve this change. This is probably a one-time event in your dreaming experience - it won't happen again.

Whether you were asleep or awake at the time doesn't really matter as far as its meaning goes. You've come through some kind of dark, unhappy experience to light your own way again. I'm sure you did this all by yourself, and you should be proud of yourself for doing it. It seems it was very difficult for you to shake whatever was hanging over you.

Perhaps it was a romance gone wrong, an illness, or the death of a loved one; whatever it was, you've healed YOURSELF now, and it takes a whole lot of strength to do that. The king signifies that somehow through this dark time you remained YOU, and were strong enough to conquer whatever shadows were holding you back.

Now it's time to start anew and get your life back on track. You'll begin to see things come to you much easier now, and at a speedy pace! Be sure to take time to ponder your blessings and practice gratitude. You'll find that you feel kinder and more open to others now - act on those feelings. If you're due for a raise at work, ask for it. If you want something from a partner, they'll be ready and willing to supply it. If you want to meet more kindred spirits, they'll come to you on their own.

The king also suggests that the Universe is opening doors and supplying great gifts to you, for it trusts you to use those gifts wisely. This is going to be the best time for you to begin anew with dreams you decided were unattainable in the past, for they really can come true now.

Enjoy every minute of this new and delightful time. The Universe is telling you that you've earned a break and some easy times. Rejoice!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.