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How to Use Affirmations That Work, by Amy B. Scher

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

I've never been a fan of standard positive affirmations; my clients are always shocked when I tell them this. In fact, for some people, not only do affirmations not work, but they can also make things worse. I know this may be a little surprising after reading pretty much everywhere that if we just repeat positive things, our lives will turn to glitter and gold.

Affirmations are not bad, but we are all different, and affirmations work best when they are made specifically for each of us based on our needs.

Why Most Affirmations Backfire
The idea behind an affirmation, whether it's in the form of a verbal statement or visualization (which is really an affirmation, too), is that you are affirming positive thoughts or images—things with which you'd like to be in alignment. What often happens, though, when you focus on something positive that doesn't feel true to you in any sense is that the opposite thought or image comes up. This is common, and often subconscious. These are what I refer to as a "Yeah, but …" statement that automatically get triggered when something feels very far from your current reality or truth.

For example, let's take the affirmation, "I am in perfect health." While this is obviously a very positive statement, it is typical, if you are not feeling this way, to have an automatic internal response of, "Yeah, but I'm sick!" This may be conscious or subconscious response. In this case, along with that affirmation, you would actually be repeating (even if just at a subconscious level) the negative statement of, "I'm sick!" as many times a day as you repeat your affirmation. Yikes, right? It's most likely too far a reach from where you currently are, or you probably wouldn't even be trying to use an affirmation like this in the first place, right?

How You Can Create Affirmations That Work
During my own healing, I read so many positive healing affirmation books that ended up in a pile on the floor. While I liked the idea of them and every guru from here to the moon was professing they were the cure-all, the suggested affirmations being taught were just too "out there" and unattainable for me.

All hope is not lost, though. Affirmations will be very effective when they hold some type of truth or resonance for you. In order to make affirmations successful, we need a way to baby-step our way to believing what we are saying. We need to make sure we don't have those, "Yeah, buts…" that might end up sabotaging our efforts.

I'm going to each you exactly how to find affirmations that will work. Remember, if you repeat an affirmation such as, "I am perfect, happy, and healthy," but you are not feeling that way, it’s likely to backfire. However, you can make it work for you by revising that affirmation to something like, "I am excited to feel perfect, happy, and healthy." This statement is positive and could still feel true for you. There is no risk of accidental negative affirmations getting attached.

Examples of Effective Affirmations
You are probably familiar by now with the standard affirmations out there. Now, I'm going to share some alternatives to those. Here are some great examples of effective affirmations that may be more effective for you:

• I am willing to believe in my ability to create healing and happiness.
• I allow myself to believe I deserve to heal.
• I allow myself to believe I can be content in this moment.
• I allow my body to become an environment for health and healing.
• I am able to process, metabolize, and release all emotions that do not serve me.
• It is time to heal!
• I choose to be in alignment with my body's way of healing.
• I am able to see the good in myself.
• My health is moving in the right direction.
• I have everything I need.

Affirmations like these are not likely to cause an unintended opposite reaction, because they are subtle. As you feel better about yourself, and your health, you can continue to revise them so they are more and more positive, as long as they still resonate with you.

Quick Tips For Creating Effective Affirmations
Making your own affirmations can be very effective, and also fun! The key is to create affirmations that feel good to you. These affirmations will ideally be something that feels possible for you—maybe not in the moment, but in the near future. It is best when it's something you can relate to, understand, and appreciate the importance of in relationship to your own journey. Some helpful tips for creating effective affirmations are: <ul

• Use words like "choose," "time," "allow," and "willing" so they imply a decision made by you (it's very hard to resist our own decisions).
• Make sure they are believable to you at some level.
• Make sure you use only positive words—no words with negative connotations (like illness, stress, etc.).
• You can write them on a sticky note and tape them to your bathroom mirror, jot them down in a journal, or put them in another obvious place so you are reminded to say them every time you see them.

When and How To Use Affirmations
There are no rules for when, how, or how often to say them. For clients who want to use affirmations, I typically recommend saying them a few times a day on a regular basis and tied in with daily routines. For example, when you brush your teeth in the morning and at night. You might say each affirmation a couple of times before or after that activity. When you state the affirmation, state it "loud and proud!" Put some emphasis on it and try to get energetic about feeling that way. This will help activate the emotion behind it, which will help you more easily manifest it.

Now that you understand the components of a really effective affirmation, you can revise affirmations that you already use to be more specific to you. Or, even better, have fun creating your very own that you love!

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2016. All rights reserved.

I was just told by a medium that my daughter, Sara, remains earthbound and confused as to how she died. She committed suicide and was also bi-polar. Sara is still hanging around her apartment where she lived, staring at her cell phone with no numbers on it. How can I help her to cross over? I live in New Mexico and she lived in Delaware. I am so distraught that she is stuck somehow; what do I do?

Linda

Susyn:

It is not uncommon for souls to become trapped between the earth plane and the spirit world, especially if their death was sudden or self-imposed. Because they are confused or reluctant to move on, they may linger in their homes, unable to make sense of what happened.

Your prayers are the key to moving Sara into the light. The medium's vision that your daughter sits staring at a cell phone with no numbers on it suggests a call for help. It may be that you are the one person who can help her.

The first thing you must do is call in her spirit so that you can direct her. It does not matter that she was in Delaware while you are in New Mexico, as the spirit world is not limited by distance or time.

To begin, set up a special altar with pictures and favorite personal items of your daughter's on it. Place two white candles on either side of the altar. Light a sage incense stick (or her favorite scent of incense, if she had one), using the flame to light the two candles. You can also play a favorite song of hers softly in the background.

Once you have established this space, plan on spending thirty minutes to an hour in meditation. During this time, you must focus on your daughter and call her spirit to you. Even if you are not sure you can feel her presence, begin talking with her about what has happened. Recount her life to her, describing what it was like when she was born and her entire life story up to the point of her suicide.

Conclude your story with a phrase similar to this: Dearest Sara, you have been a rare and beautiful gift in my life. Though we have had our ups and downs, you have given me more joy than you will ever know. I am sorry that your life was cut short, but now you must continue on to the next phase of your destiny. Do not be afraid to move into the light. There are people on the other side who love you and are waiting for you. Once you have crossed over, we will be able to continue our relationship, though it will take a different form. I bless you and love you, and pray for your safe journey across the dimensions of time, space and energy.

Once you have finished, sit silently for a bit, waiting for a response. Do not be concerned if you do not hear anything right away. Continue to perform this ritual daily until you sense her around you. This awareness may come in the form of a thought or a sign. One of the most common signs that a spirit has finally crossed over will be a bird or butterfly that crosses your path unexpectedly as a reflection of the freedom that person's soul has experienced.

*****

Oceania:

It is common to obsess about a situation in which we have an illusion of power in order to avoid a more upsetting situation where we have no control. I suspect you are focusing on how to free your daughter's earthbound spirit as a way to avoid the grief of losing a child to mental illness. Please consider joining a support group, either online or in person, so you can process your pain and sense of helplessness.

There are several Yahoo groups dedicated to parents of suicides. Also, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has a branch in Albuquerque; this organization offers direct support to family members of the mentally ill, and may also be able to provide referrals to therapists or support groups in your area.

I don't feel entirely comfortable with a medium who provides bad news without placing it in a broader spiritual perspective in order to leave you more comforted than worried. Her approach makes me question the validity of her reading. Please be wary if this medium offers to help Sara cross over for an exorbitant fee. Every profession has its share of unethical members who exploit the vulnerable - even grief-stricken parents.

Sara's soul is on its own path. Confronting obstacles and struggling with frustrations are essential to spiritual growth. Sara has a higher power, and it's not you. As in life, you do not have the power to help Sara directly, nor can you pay someone to carry her to the other side.

The desire to learn and expand must spring from within Sara. Her soul is now free of the confines of a chemically imbalanced brain, and she will move on in her own way and time. As her mother, your loving thoughts will provide comfort to you both. Paying for additional services in this matter is unnecessary unless those services are aimed at helping YOU adjust to your loss.

Those with family members suffering from mental illness, alcoholism or addiction often develop the parallel illness of codependency, and they thus try to fix, help or save a suffering family member at their own expense. You can learn more from the Codependents Anonymous website (www.coda.org), where you'll also find tools for recovery and a meeting list for your state.

You were likely codependent with Sara in life and may be continuing this pattern in her death by sacrificing your own life or resources to worry about something over which you have no control. You can help Sara indirectly if you add to the light, joy and beauty in this world by striving to be authentic, present and aware in every precious moment of your life.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.