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How to Use Affirmations That Work, by Amy B. Scher

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

I've never been a fan of standard positive affirmations; my clients are always shocked when I tell them this. In fact, for some people, not only do affirmations not work, but they can also make things worse. I know this may be a little surprising after reading pretty much everywhere that if we just repeat positive things, our lives will turn to glitter and gold.

Affirmations are not bad, but we are all different, and affirmations work best when they are made specifically for each of us based on our needs.

Why Most Affirmations Backfire
The idea behind an affirmation, whether it's in the form of a verbal statement or visualization (which is really an affirmation, too), is that you are affirming positive thoughts or images—things with which you'd like to be in alignment. What often happens, though, when you focus on something positive that doesn't feel true to you in any sense is that the opposite thought or image comes up. This is common, and often subconscious. These are what I refer to as a "Yeah, but …" statement that automatically get triggered when something feels very far from your current reality or truth.

For example, let's take the affirmation, "I am in perfect health." While this is obviously a very positive statement, it is typical, if you are not feeling this way, to have an automatic internal response of, "Yeah, but I'm sick!" This may be conscious or subconscious response. In this case, along with that affirmation, you would actually be repeating (even if just at a subconscious level) the negative statement of, "I'm sick!" as many times a day as you repeat your affirmation. Yikes, right? It's most likely too far a reach from where you currently are, or you probably wouldn't even be trying to use an affirmation like this in the first place, right?

How You Can Create Affirmations That Work
During my own healing, I read so many positive healing affirmation books that ended up in a pile on the floor. While I liked the idea of them and every guru from here to the moon was professing they were the cure-all, the suggested affirmations being taught were just too "out there" and unattainable for me.

All hope is not lost, though. Affirmations will be very effective when they hold some type of truth or resonance for you. In order to make affirmations successful, we need a way to baby-step our way to believing what we are saying. We need to make sure we don't have those, "Yeah, buts…" that might end up sabotaging our efforts.

I'm going to each you exactly how to find affirmations that will work. Remember, if you repeat an affirmation such as, "I am perfect, happy, and healthy," but you are not feeling that way, it’s likely to backfire. However, you can make it work for you by revising that affirmation to something like, "I am excited to feel perfect, happy, and healthy." This statement is positive and could still feel true for you. There is no risk of accidental negative affirmations getting attached.

Examples of Effective Affirmations
You are probably familiar by now with the standard affirmations out there. Now, I'm going to share some alternatives to those. Here are some great examples of effective affirmations that may be more effective for you:

• I am willing to believe in my ability to create healing and happiness.
• I allow myself to believe I deserve to heal.
• I allow myself to believe I can be content in this moment.
• I allow my body to become an environment for health and healing.
• I am able to process, metabolize, and release all emotions that do not serve me.
• It is time to heal!
• I choose to be in alignment with my body's way of healing.
• I am able to see the good in myself.
• My health is moving in the right direction.
• I have everything I need.

Affirmations like these are not likely to cause an unintended opposite reaction, because they are subtle. As you feel better about yourself, and your health, you can continue to revise them so they are more and more positive, as long as they still resonate with you.

Quick Tips For Creating Effective Affirmations
Making your own affirmations can be very effective, and also fun! The key is to create affirmations that feel good to you. These affirmations will ideally be something that feels possible for you—maybe not in the moment, but in the near future. It is best when it's something you can relate to, understand, and appreciate the importance of in relationship to your own journey. Some helpful tips for creating effective affirmations are: <ul

• Use words like "choose," "time," "allow," and "willing" so they imply a decision made by you (it's very hard to resist our own decisions).
• Make sure they are believable to you at some level.
• Make sure you use only positive words—no words with negative connotations (like illness, stress, etc.).
• You can write them on a sticky note and tape them to your bathroom mirror, jot them down in a journal, or put them in another obvious place so you are reminded to say them every time you see them.

When and How To Use Affirmations
There are no rules for when, how, or how often to say them. For clients who want to use affirmations, I typically recommend saying them a few times a day on a regular basis and tied in with daily routines. For example, when you brush your teeth in the morning and at night. You might say each affirmation a couple of times before or after that activity. When you state the affirmation, state it "loud and proud!" Put some emphasis on it and try to get energetic about feeling that way. This will help activate the emotion behind it, which will help you more easily manifest it.

Now that you understand the components of a really effective affirmation, you can revise affirmations that you already use to be more specific to you. Or, even better, have fun creating your very own that you love!

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2016. All rights reserved.

I had a dream that I met my future grandson. Neither of my children have a baby on the way, but in my dream, I saw a child about two years old, standing in my bedroom. I looked at him and asked if he was C.J.'s son. (C.J. is my son.. He didn't answer at first, but walked over to me. I looked at him and said, You are C.J.'s son. He said yes and smiled. I touched his shoulders and arms, and when I awoke, I could still feel him as though I was still touching him. I wasn't sure at the time if I had really been asleep or what had happened. This happened a few years ago, and I can still remember this very vividly, including how this child felt. Do you think this was just a dream, or could it have been an actual visit from my future grandson? As an added note, I had dreams about both of my children before they were born, even though they were adopted! The dream regarding my son came true exactly, word for word. The dream about my daughter wasn't exact, but portrayed her spirit perfectly.
Mary Lou

Dreamchaser:

You made me laugh, girl! You describe this profound experience and how this same thing happened with your own children, then you ask if it was just a dream. This is such a great example of LOGIC confusing things. In the dream, you knew instinctively that the boy was C.J.'s son; you didn't even ask if he was your daughter's boy.

This is a great example of soul family recognition. You recognize this boy in your dream as someone you've known in other lifetimes. Your soul knows who this child is and where he fits into THIS life. Have you ever known someone who was just so comfortable and so familiar that you two got along famously from the first moment you met? Have you ever wondered why some people repel you, and some people attract you? We have a network of souls that follows us around the Universe from lifetime to lifetime!

I certainly hope you keep a pen and paper by your bed so that you can write down the things that you need to remember when you wake up. You dream so much that you probably need a lot more sleep than everyone else. We all have periods when we are doing all this important soul work in our sleep, but you have always done it on a much heavier level. Not only do you dream your own solutions - you dream everyone else's too!

If you aren't already familiar with lucid dreaming, please research it. You are a very avid lucid dreamer. I would like for you to become even more aware and active. You could accomplish so much in your sleep if you were fully cognizant instead of just enjoying the ride. Not everyone can do what you do in your sleep. There are ancient people who believed that the dream world was the real world and this world is the fake world. You could very well be descended from those people, Mary Lou, so please look at this gift of yours more closely.

When this child that you dreamed of does come into your life, you two are going to have a very special bond. You are going to like being a grandmother very much. You love your family the way it is, so having MORE family will only be better. He came to you in that dream to tell you that he is coming. I wish you many more insightful dreamland journeys!

*****

Astrea:

Yes! You did indeed have had a visit from your future grandson! This is a very Leo experience. You dreamed your children too, of course. You ask if there is any way to tell whether it was a dream or an actual visit. Well, it was both!

Seeing a child yet to be born in a dream usually means that you have big Karma with that child from other life experiences. From what you tell me about dreaming of your children before they were born, I'm sure that your future grandson was getting a sneak peak at Granny to get the feel of things here. Perhaps he was in the process of deciding whether or not he wants to come back to you and your family this time around, or perhaps he got lonely for you while he waits to come to the Earth Plane again.

I had a similar experience with my granddaughter who will be born in August. The night before my son told me his wife was pregnant, my grandchild came to me in a dream. In the dream he was a boy, not a girl, but I knew that this was mixed up even as I dreamed it. From that dream, I knew that she would be coming into the family again soon.

If you go back over your dreams, you'll discover that you visit with more people than just the babies due to come into your life. I'm sure you visit with people in your family who have crossed over as well. Those dreams are bittersweet and sometimes just sad, so they are harder to remember than dreams of children to come.

Please start a Dream Journal for yourself now, because your grandchild is going to come to you many times between now and when his parents are ready for him. The two of you will have a world of fun going over these dreams later on. Perhaps he will inherit your psychic ability! Even though your children were adopted, you're still of the same soul family.

I know you're not in a big hurry to be a Granny, but when the time comes, you'll be the best! Leos make wonderful mothers, for of all parents and grandparents, they know how to encourage and motivate us to do our very best. Your grandson is longing to be with you. Enjoy these dreams now, because he won't remember these visits when he actually gets here. You're getting a head start on him!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.