Category: Articles

Forgiveness and Healing

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An excerpt from Breakup Rehab by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey

How does one regain confidence and optimism about love after a breakup? After her own relationship ended, author and counselor Rebekah Freedom McClaskey developed and practiced a series of small, step-by-step actions that ultimately helped her heal her heart and live in harmony with her destiny.

In Breakup Rehab: Creating the Love You Want, Rebekah meets readers in their states of grief or resignation and walks them through twelve steps to forgiveness and self-responsibility, self-compassion and self-awareness, power and purpose.  We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

What is forgiveness anyway? I offer you this: forgiveness is not holding yourself or another hostage to the past. It means giving yourself permission to be who you are — a perfectly flawed human who had an imperfect relationship.

It’s over. Everything you were building toward, the time you invested, and the moments you shared stopped. Who is to blame? What is to blame? Is there even anything to blame? I invite you to invest less time in avoiding the pain by playing the blame game and more time forgiving yourself and your ex.

But how do you forgive someone who hurt you so badly? How do you even begin to be kind to yourself after making such a dumb mistake? Hey, at least you tried. You put your heart out there. You got hurt. Now you have some big decisions to make.

Allow yourself the grace to say enough is enough and start to construct new boundaries. Oh, boundaries. I can hear the Dr. Phils of the world using this word as a catchall. We’ve talked about dropping our barriers and not walling off. How can we do that and still have boundaries? What do boundaries have to do with forgiveness?

Well, we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. We learn how to treat ourselves by how people treat us. Letting go and forgiving can break destructive cycles so that we can have healthier relationships. Breaking destructive cycles is the same as setting healthy boundaries. So forgiving yourself and others is a healthy way to set boundaries.

If you’re afraid to hurt your ex, if you’re a people pleaser, then setting boundaries is brave. In other words, if it’s over, let it be over. Bishop T. D. Jakes has a powerful sermon where he says, “There are people who can walk away from you. When people walk away from you, let them walk!... Your destiny isn’t tied to this person who left, people leave because they aren’t joined to you. You just have to let them go....You have to know when a person’s part in your life is over so you don’t start trying to raise the dead.” Love won’t leave or forsake you. Trust that losing a relationship doesn’t mean you lose your ability to love or be loved.

Just keep surrendering the pain. Keep letting go. Keep forgiving.

Is this starting to sound like all the other books out there? Ugh, I know, right? But there is no way I could write this without including the timeless lesson of forgiveness. Without it, we don’t get a chance to try something new because we keep trying to repair the old. You can’t skip over learning to forgive.

The noun forgiveness means the act of pardoning someone or something. To pardon a sin is to have mercy on the sinner. A sinner is simply a person who didn’t stick the landing. The verb forgive means to actively behave in a way that demonstrates releasing yourself and others from accusation, blame, condemnation, judgment, and sentencing. Can you imagine the freedom you can have right now if you don’t make yourself or your ex wrong for what went down?

Do it. Imagine your relationship as one of many poignant experiences you’ll have in your lifetime. To forgive is to accept that what has been done to you was also done for you. Your relationship was your experience to have and so is your breakup. In some ways, forgiveness is the acknowledgment that there is something bigger than your agenda unfolding here. Like, “Okay, universe/God/whatever, I don’t understand exactly what is going on here, but I’m going to surrender my agenda and see what happens next.”

Did you have an agenda in the relationship? Don’t lie. Did you? Some of us feel bad about not being perfect (in everything we do) and that’s why we keep trying to improve ourselves. But self-help is kind of redundant if you consider that what is happening is what is supposed to happen. The thing that needs to shift is our perspective.

Forgiveness requires shifting your perspective. The roots of forgiveness begin by naming everything just as it is and accepting the past for what it was. Name it. Feel it. Then take inspired action to change it.

Rebekah Freedom McClaskey is the author of Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. A relationship specialist with a master’s degree in counseling psychology, her private practice focuses on helping clients get what they want out of life and love. She lives in Rancho Santa Fe, California. Visit her online at www.rebekahfreedom.com.

Excerpted from the book Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. Copyright ©2017 by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey. Printed with permission from New World Library.

"Life happens. Life in the flow."

We learn over time that nobody can solve our problems, but someone can guide you how to solve the problem. You may receive guidance through a teacher, a guru or even strangers that you run into every day. As we practice yoga we learn that the more we know, the less we truly know. Every day I am reminded how much I truly do not know; a very humbling experience.
Yoga teaches me to be present. To just live for being and enjoying life as it is right NOW. Not ten minutes from now, no five days ago, but right now. We are taught to get out of our heads, to release worries and fears of the past or the future and to only live for this very moment. Presence.

"Lead me from untruth to truth, lead me from darkness to light." ~ Buddha

Through yoga we are reminded that we do have a dark side as well as a light side. We are not to repress the dark side, but embrace that side of our Self. We are the yin and the yang. We ultimately cleanse the dark stuff we hold inside. We shine the light on this. We must make friends with dark side. Both positive and negative balance out the whole. Daily practice refines and improves our inner vision to see our Self more clearly. We no longer need to run from fears. Face them and say I'm not running from you anymore. So much is in our heads, so much dark is only in our heads, self-doubt judgment betrayal. Yoga grounds the body so that the light and dark sides of ourselves become clear. So much is truly untrue. But as we diligently practice we are able to find the middle ground and walk our centered balanced line in life. We gain balance in centered lightheartedness. We can have harmony in both light and dark.

"Yoga tells us that the world is actually a projection of our own thoughts and we can modify our inner world to manifest into our outer world. When our inside realm is at peace and in harmony, our outer world shines this projection back at us."
~ David, Jiva Mukti Yoga co-founder

Yoga is observation.

We can observe our world and see what part that is in us is begin reflected back to us. We can then see what part of us needs modification or adjustment in order to have our outer reality reflect back to us the peace, happiness and love we so greatly desire and deserve.

Yoga is already inside of you. Happiness is there. Yoga helps you peel away the onion layers to get to the core. To freedom. The deepest Divine connection to the Ultimate Light Source.

Come out of wanting and back into acceptance and Joy. A yogi or yogini can turn any situation into bliss. That is a yogi. Yoga is being now. Ultimate yoga is meditation. Just BE.

Yoga is love.

"Love is the light that dissolves all walls between souls." 
~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Through a dedicated practice of all forms of yoga we can participate in the world with a sense of freedom, unaffected from trauma, depression, anger, etc. The freedom is balance in both.


Maggie Anderson is a Yoga & Spiritual Teacher, Reiki Master Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy® Master Instructor, Soul Coach®, Past Life Coach, Magnified Healing® Master Teacher and Angelights Messenger. She is the author of How I Found My True Inner Peace and Divine Embrace. You can contact Maggie at SpiritualCompassConnection.com.

"Follow Your Bliss. It's Your Spiritual Compass."

Trust Your Authentic Self

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An excerpt from Breakup Rehab by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey

How does one regain confidence and optimism about love after a breakup? After her own relationship ended, author and counselor Rebekah Freedom McClaskey developed and practiced a series of small, step-by-step actions that ultimately helped her heal her heart and live in harmony with her destiny.

In Breakup Rehab: Creating the Love You Want, Rebekah meets readers in their states of grief or resignation and walks them through twelve steps to forgiveness and self-responsibility, self-compassion and self-awareness, power and purpose.  We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Step 2 of Breakup Rehab helps you connect with your authentic self. This is the part of you that will nurse you through being curled up in a fetal position into being able to confidently stand on your own two feet again. There is a big momma bear part of you that knows exactly what to do to take care of you. Trust it. The papa bear part of you is for fighting your battles. Your authentic self can be both.

Let’s dive in with a lil’ philosophy lesson, shall we? There is a you that’s observing you. That’s your authentic self. The awareness that you’re observing you is called meta-
awareness. Think of it like this: we breathe automatically, but we can also control our breath. Eh? Pretty cool and also necessary for mindfulness practices, which you’ll need in order to access your authentic self.

Synonyms for the authentic self include the wise mind, the manager, Atman, Christ consciousness, dharma, and many others. In its essence it conveys the idea that we can surrender control to a force larger than our rational mind.

The authentic self is infinite and unchanging. The authentic self is the observer of our mind, ego, body, and being. Duuuuuude. For real. (I’ve clearly lived in California for too long.) Okay, so back to where we were: Breakup. Identity crisis. Confusion.

Don’t you hate the feeling that your ex is doing, like, ten times better than you are? They’re posting on Instagram great pictures of food — at the brunch place you used to eat at together. Secretly, you hope they choke on it — or is that too violent? Whatever it is you’re feeling, you’re going to need to feel it, and to do that you must connect with your authentic self — the observer.

The authentic self communicates through feelings. Our gut sensations and nonverbal communications create an intuitive pattern. Intuition is an inner understanding that the mind, soul, body, and heart are all connected. It links these parts of us together through something that feels like an inner knowing. It takes stillness to connect to this feeling and to listen to the authentic self. In a word, meditation.

The authentic self is like a professor who watches over his university students. Parts of our psyche are like those college kids. Some parts are bullies. Some parts are caregivers. Some parts are lovers. Some parts won’t come out to play. Some party too hard. Some parts are evil. Some parts are good. The authentic self watches over all of them. Let’s get the most out of this metaphor and say that all these parts of us interact in the classroom that’s life — and relationships...and sex.

So here we are in the university of life, learning about ourselves. Then a breakup happens; it’s like being given a test you didn’t realize you had to study for. Each part reacts differently to the “final” of the relationship. Some parts scramble to hide, others fight, others faint, others freeze, and some get aroused and want to release the stress through sex. Breakups have a way of reminding us that we’re not in control of every part.

The second step of BRx assures us that there is a force bigger than the sum of our parts that we can rely on — our authentic self. In other words, being in the director’s seat is different than being the actor. It’s a matter of perspective. Since you’ve mastered letting go by now — ha — then shifting perspectives should be easy, no?

It’s going to take a little more finessing. That mind of yours is going to hammer away at the logistics of the breakup, how moronic your ex is, how bad you feel, or how guilty you feel for not feeling bad. We all need time to wallow and make bad decisions until one day, we just choose something else.

I’ve slept with so many guys in response to rejection. It just sort of happens, and dating apps make it really easy to do. So I’m not suggesting that — poof ! — you get all Zen with your authentic self and then everything will be better. How rad would that be? I just mean that you know better and once you know that you know better you can know how to do better and do it.

Trusting your authentic self helps you do better and be better and feel better. In a small way, solving your problems helps to solve the world’s issues. I guarantee that you won’t get every aspect of life right. I’m clearly still learning that. Keep trying to trust yourself. Don’t attempt to use Google to figure it out. You’re your own Google. Be still and listen to your authentic self.

Rebekah Freedom McClaskey is the author of Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. A relationship specialist with a master’s degree in counseling psychology, her private practice focuses on helping clients get what they want out of life and love. She lives in Rancho Santa Fe, California. Visit her online at www.rebekahfreedom.com.

Excerpted from the book Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. Copyright ©2017 by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey. Printed with permission from New World Library.

"Life happens. Life in the flow."

We learn over time that nobody can solve our problems, but someone can guide you how to solve the problem. You may receive guidance through a teacher, a guru or even strangers that you run into every day. As we practice yoga we learn that the more we know, the less we truly know. Every day I am reminded how much I truly do not know; a very humbling experience.
Yoga teaches me to be present. To just live for being and enjoying life as it is right NOW. Not ten minutes from now, no five days ago, but right now. We are taught to get out of our heads, to release worries and fears of the past or the future and to only live for this very moment. Presence.

"Lead me from untruth to truth, lead me from darkness to light." ~ Buddha

Through yoga we are reminded that we do have a dark side as well as a light side. We are not to repress the dark side, but embrace that side of our Self. We are the yin and the yang. We ultimately cleanse the dark stuff we hold inside. We shine the light on this. We must make friends with dark side. Both positive and negative balance out the whole. Daily practice refines and improves our inner vision to see our Self more clearly. We no longer need to run from fears. Face them and say I'm not running from you anymore. So much is in our heads, so much dark is only in our heads, self-doubt judgment betrayal. Yoga grounds the body so that the light and dark sides of ourselves become clear. So much is truly untrue. But as we diligently practice we are able to find the middle ground and walk our centered balanced line in life. We gain balance in centered lightheartedness. We can have harmony in both light and dark.

"Yoga tells us that the world is actually a projection of our own thoughts and we can modify our inner world to manifest into our outer world. When our inside realm is at peace and in harmony, our outer world shines this projection back at us."
~ David, Jiva Mukti Yoga co-founder

Yoga is observation.

We can observe our world and see what part that is in us is begin reflected back to us. We can then see what part of us needs modification or adjustment in order to have our outer reality reflect back to us the peace, happiness and love we so greatly desire and deserve.

Yoga is already inside of you. Happiness is there. Yoga helps you peel away the onion layers to get to the core. To freedom. The deepest Divine connection to the Ultimate Light Source.

Come out of wanting and back into acceptance and Joy. A yogi or yogini can turn any situation into bliss. That is a yogi. Yoga is being now. Ultimate yoga is meditation. Just BE.

Yoga is love.

"Love is the light that dissolves all walls between souls." 
~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Through a dedicated practice of all forms of yoga we can participate in the world with a sense of freedom, unaffected from trauma, depression, anger, etc. The freedom is balance in both.


Maggie Anderson is a Yoga & Spiritual Teacher, Reiki Master Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy® Master Instructor, Soul Coach®, Past Life Coach, Magnified Healing® Master Teacher and Angelights Messenger. She is the author of How I Found My True Inner Peace and Divine Embrace. You can contact Maggie at SpiritualCompassConnection.com.

"Follow Your Bliss. It's Your Spiritual Compass."

Overcoming Pride and Growing Forward

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An excerpt from Breakup Rehab by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey

How does one regain confidence and optimism about love after a breakup? After her own relationship ended, author and counselor Rebekah Freedom McClaskey developed and practiced a series of small, step-by-step actions that ultimately helped her heal her heart and live in harmony with her destiny.

In Breakup Rehab: Creating the Love You Want, Rebekah meets readers in their states of grief or resignation and walks them through twelve steps to forgiveness and self-responsibility, self-compassion and self-awareness, power and purpose.  We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Step 8 of Breakup Rehab is about overcoming pride and growing forward. Without forward motion we just get stuck. It’s risky to love and risky to grow. I’ve witnessed my clients’ relationships break apart because one partner will look at the other and say, “Do your work.” Pride keeps us from seeing that it’s “our” work. Now the real work is to use self-awareness about how pride contributed to your breakup so that you can grow forward.

This is a crucial step. Overcoming pride is the difference between repeating old patterns and creating a new life. If we keep an eye on the past it will replicate in our future. Remember, our reality is a collaborative effort between mind and matter.

It’s Not a Race
Who are you really competing against when you make breaking up a race to win? Or were you racing to get your way? Either way, we tend to compete with each other only to lose sight of the real prize — creating the love we want with someone who wants it too.

Western culture prides itself on individualism, which leads to competition over collaboration. Both growth and creation are collaborative processes. If your relationship was a competition for who got their needs met most — the power struggle — then chances are that caused the breakup. We do the best we know how at the time. Some attempts are better than others. It’s true, your ex may really suck at life. You may suck just a little too. You have a choice to be prideful and competitive about it or seek to work in collaboration with cooperative components — people, places, and things that contribute to your well-being.

Let me talk to your heart for a minute. Hey, I know you feel broken right now. I know that the mind is barking orders at you. It’s okay. You know what to do. That’s right. Find your rhythm. You feel a little off right now. A little confused. But you know where true north is for you. Just give yourself a little time to stabilize. You’ve been running a hard race after all.

I assure you, we’re all unstable after a breakup. Our pride is often a major contributor to the fallout. Adam Shannon, the author of the website DeadlySins.com, defines pride as “excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.” I believe that vanity is the denial of impermanence in that all things will return to dust and ash in this physical world. We cling tightly to dysfunctional beliefs because of pride and vanity.

When I’m working with clients to help them through their breakups I often ask, “What caused the breakup?” Of course, there are a variety of answers, including finances, kids, cheating, lies, falling out of love, a bad sex life, residual pain from trauma, and more. Of those issues, the underlying force seems to be someone who is too prideful to let their walls down, to admit they feel shame, and to ask for help.

Pride, like judgment, blocks our growth. We get stuck and can’t make the transition into healing and moving forward. I like to flip the script and bring up that a lot of people feel pride in “being unencumbered.” If you date, it sounds like, “Let’s just keep it casual.” Well, you know, I think fear of commitment is fear to grow. What do you think?

Where do commitment issues come from?

Pride.

“But, Rebekah, what about good pride? Can’t I be proud of all the things I’ve collaborated on? Is collaboration good and competition bad? What’s the difference?” Thank you for asking, person whose voice I pretended to be right there. You can be proud of yourself for leaving a bad relationship, which is good. But you can have pride and think you’re better than anyone else because you left that relationship, which is vanity.

Growth comes not in running the race against others and winning. It comes with realizing it’s not a competition. You can be proud of who you are without having pride.

Rebekah Freedom McClaskey is the author of Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. A relationship specialist with a master’s degree in counseling psychology, her private practice focuses on helping clients get what they want out of life and love. She lives in Rancho Santa Fe, California. Visit her online at www.rebekahfreedom.com.

Excerpted from the book Breakup Rehab: Create the Love You Want. Copyright ©2017 by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey. Printed with permission from New World Library.

"Life happens. Life in the flow."

We learn over time that nobody can solve our problems, but someone can guide you how to solve the problem. You may receive guidance through a teacher, a guru or even strangers that you run into every day. As we practice yoga we learn that the more we know, the less we truly know. Every day I am reminded how much I truly do not know; a very humbling experience.
Yoga teaches me to be present. To just live for being and enjoying life as it is right NOW. Not ten minutes from now, no five days ago, but right now. We are taught to get out of our heads, to release worries and fears of the past or the future and to only live for this very moment. Presence.

"Lead me from untruth to truth, lead me from darkness to light." ~ Buddha

Through yoga we are reminded that we do have a dark side as well as a light side. We are not to repress the dark side, but embrace that side of our Self. We are the yin and the yang. We ultimately cleanse the dark stuff we hold inside. We shine the light on this. We must make friends with dark side. Both positive and negative balance out the whole. Daily practice refines and improves our inner vision to see our Self more clearly. We no longer need to run from fears. Face them and say I'm not running from you anymore. So much is in our heads, so much dark is only in our heads, self-doubt judgment betrayal. Yoga grounds the body so that the light and dark sides of ourselves become clear. So much is truly untrue. But as we diligently practice we are able to find the middle ground and walk our centered balanced line in life. We gain balance in centered lightheartedness. We can have harmony in both light and dark.

"Yoga tells us that the world is actually a projection of our own thoughts and we can modify our inner world to manifest into our outer world. When our inside realm is at peace and in harmony, our outer world shines this projection back at us."
~ David, Jiva Mukti Yoga co-founder

Yoga is observation.

We can observe our world and see what part that is in us is begin reflected back to us. We can then see what part of us needs modification or adjustment in order to have our outer reality reflect back to us the peace, happiness and love we so greatly desire and deserve.

Yoga is already inside of you. Happiness is there. Yoga helps you peel away the onion layers to get to the core. To freedom. The deepest Divine connection to the Ultimate Light Source.

Come out of wanting and back into acceptance and Joy. A yogi or yogini can turn any situation into bliss. That is a yogi. Yoga is being now. Ultimate yoga is meditation. Just BE.

Yoga is love.

"Love is the light that dissolves all walls between souls." 
~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Through a dedicated practice of all forms of yoga we can participate in the world with a sense of freedom, unaffected from trauma, depression, anger, etc. The freedom is balance in both.


Maggie Anderson is a Yoga & Spiritual Teacher, Reiki Master Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy® Master Instructor, Soul Coach®, Past Life Coach, Magnified Healing® Master Teacher and Angelights Messenger. She is the author of How I Found My True Inner Peace and Divine Embrace. You can contact Maggie at SpiritualCompassConnection.com.

"Follow Your Bliss. It's Your Spiritual Compass."