Category: Advice Columns

My husband is police officer, and about eight months ago, he was assigned a new partner - an attractive single woman. (She got divorced about a year ago.) They work a late shift together, and spend a lot of time riding around in their patrol car. A few months ago, I started getting weird vibes about this situation. He is fond of her and tells me about these long, deep conversations they have. I was doing okay with it until I had a couple of run-ins with her, where she acted very different than she does when he is around. She made it quite clear to me that she is after my husband, and is pretty confident she's "winning" at this point. My feeling is that she might just win him in the short term, but later he would regret it. We have three kids and have had a good marriage. I'm very open with him and have told him all she's said to me, how I feel, etc., and he has a hard time believing it. I feel like he's gullible, she's conniving, and I may be in for a world of hurt if I don't handle this right. Since she's a cop, it's not like I can threaten to kick her butt! Any spiritual advice on how I can safeguard my marriage?

- Frannie

Dreamchaser:

First and foremost, Frannie, there is no spiritual trick to protecting your marriage. You said that you and your husband have a "good marriage." Happy men who are in love and have a "good marriage" do not have affairs.

I do feel that your husband is very close to his partner. However, people who are in partnership situations SHOULD develop a close bond. When I was a commercial diver, I was very close to my partner, who happened to be male. When he got involved in a serious relationship, I remained very close to him. His girlfriend often felt threatened by our bond, so I did what I could to alleviate her fears. I think that is the missing ingredient here with you - your husband's partner is doing nothing to alleviate your fears.

I don't want to in any way invalidate your feelings or undermine you. However, I don't feel that she did make it quite clear that she is after your husband and winning. Instead, you read that into her words and actions. When you told him what she was doing and he had a hard time believing it, it's because he knows you both. He knows how each of you think and act and how each of you talk, and he knows that she would never do such a thing.

Believe it or not, she is NOT after your husband. She considers him her best friend, and she can talk to him about everything. She can tell him anything. I think you should be grateful that she feels that way about him, because one day, he may just need her as back-up, and she may just save his life.

She is not the first woman that you thought was out to steal your husband. This has happened before, and he did not leave that time. He will not leave this time either.

I think the best thing you can do is just step up your "wifely" efforts. Be the best wife to him that you can be. Do not fake anything, and do not put on an act, but love him and be good to him and most of all, BELIEVE him. He is not looking to cheat on you or break up your marriage. He just has a great partnership with a new partner who happens to be a woman.

I also think that you need to look deep inside yourself to find out why you have these issues. I think a good place to start would be to buy a book called In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant. It is a workbook of sorts, so you are going to have to have a pad and paper ready to answer some questions about yourself. In this way, you can get to the roots of your insecurities and heal them and leave them behind.

Your husband is a good man and a good provider, and he loves you very much. Be good to him and believe what he says to you.

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

*****

Astrea:

That girl may think she's going to take your husband, but she is sadly mistaken. He knows that she's lonely and on the make.

To him she is no different than any partner he's had before. If you think back on the other partners he's had over the years, you'll realize he had long intimate talks with them too. They were probably men, however, so you didn't notice as much.

Didn't he talk about his favorite rookie he trained with equal fondness? What about that old guy who trained HIM? Your husband is a loving, caring, compassionate guy, but he's not about to be victimized by this twit!

The spiritual way to handle this predatory female is to turn the matter over to his Guardian Angels. Ask St. Michael to ride with them every evening as he goes to work. Get him a piece of rodachrosite to carry in his right pants pocket for general protection.

Ask the Archangel Gabriel to enlighten his thoughts so that he can't be victimized by deception. Ask all four Archangels to quiet your mind and keep you from worrying about this so you won't manifest it in some way.

Here is some practical advice too. The next time your husband starts going on and on about this girl, ask him what the morals clause in their law enforcement contract says about officers becoming overly involved with each other. In my own experience, police departments don't like that kind of thing. Don't be accusatory, just curious.

Also, while you can't outright "kick her butt," you can let others know that you know what she's doing. Fortunately, the timing is right, for she's ready to move on to her next victim. She has met enough resistance from you to give up on your husband and go after someone else.

Your husband is in a profession where he is allowed to have TWO life partners: a wife (you) and his partner at work. This new one just flatters him, flirts with him and strokes his ego. As upsetting as this is to you right now, you're not in trouble with your marriage.

He tells you everything they talk about and everything she says. You may think he doesn't believe you, but he knows better! He knows that she's "on the hunt" for someone to replace her former husband, and he would never betray you in that way.

He may talk like he likes her, but you're not married to a cheater! You have a great marriage with three fabulous children, and he is not going to jeopardize that.

Listen to what he tells you about her, and let him talk about her as much as he needs to. It's always better to be informed than to be in the dark. She's done this before, and she'll do it again. She's just been passing through your lives, that's all.

I know it's easier to see auras against a blank, light backdrop, and indeed, I often see my toddler's aura when she is in the bathtub and my husband's aura when I'm sitting and he's standing above me with the white ceiling behind him. I have noticed that I see the auras of my toddler and my husband a lot, but I hardly ever see anyone else's aura. Why can I see some auras, but not others? Also, why is it that sometimes I can see theirs, but most of the time I can't? Thanks!

- Aubrey

Dreamchaser:

I believe the answer to your question is really simple. You can see your child's and your husband's auras because you know them and feel comfortable with them. You also feel the energy exchange going on between you and them. These factors open you up to interact on a higher spiritual plane with them than with others.

Energy moves between all living things. We can feel it and be open to it, or we can not feel it and be closed to it. It is hard for you to get to know people, to allow people into your life and your "energy field." As a result, it will be harder for you to get to know them "spiritually."

You absolutely can see other people's auras if you are willing to open up to their energy exchange with you. If you notice, you see your husband's and child's auras when you are at peace and in a relaxed state, when you have no walls or defenses up.

I think you should try the "Bubble Method" that I write about so often in this column. When you go outside the house, picture yourself inside a bubble. You can make the bubble of any material and any color that you would like. My bubble is made of purple water. Just picture yourself stepping into a bubble and it sealing around you. Your energy can get out, but no one's energy can get in if you don't want it to.

Imagining yourself in this bubble is like making a pact with the Universe. The Universe will protect you so that you can experience the energies of the world. When you're in your bubble, you can safely feel OPEN to people around you.

Open up your solar plexus by taking some deep breaths and feel the energies that you want to feel. Remember, your bubble will protect you at all times from any negative or "harmful" energies or entities. I bet you will start to see auras once you are used to being protected inside of your bubble.

I always "bubble" when I am reading for clients. I need to protect my energies so that I don't get drained. I choose to feel my clients' energy enough to give them a good reading, but do not let them "vampire" me.

Once you start to feel safer with energies around you and start to see more auras, I also think you are going to find that you are an empath. That is why it's so hard for you to connect to energies - you learned early in life that it was draining for you to do so.

I wish you safe and enlightening encounters with energies and auras.

*****

Astrea:

Many times I will see the auras of my husband and my family, but most of the time, their auras are hugged close to their physical bodies because they aren't allowing anyone to view them.

People naturally pull their auras in close to their physical bodies most of the time. Unless they are spiritually enlightened and aware that they CAN manage their own energy field and know how to do that, our ability to see their auras will be sort of hit or miss. Once you've had more practice with people outside your own family, you'll be able to access the auras of people who will allow that to happen.

There are lots of good books about aura viewing, and many people think that auras can be photographed. Find a book that contains the photographs of many people's auras and study those photos. You'll begin to see various patterns in most of them. For example, people who are old, young, well or ill will share some of the same aura characteristics. This knowledge will help you view others who are willing to let you.

If there is someone in your area who is teaching aura viewing, it would be good to go and take a class or two with them. Sometimes it just takes another person doing something to help you step into the power to do it too.

Through study and practice, you'll find that some people don't have an aura that extends much beyond their physical presence. People who have suffered physical or emotional abuse, for example, may never be able to let their auric protection out where others can perceive it.

Though you'll be unable to see their auras even with their permission, this will give you a clue as to who they are and what has happened to them in their lives. Sometimes a simple discussion of what has taken place will "free" people like this to release that energy, which should enable you to see it around them.

The only time we can see someone else's aura is when that other person is either consciously or unconsciously ALLOWING us to see it. Your child and your own husband don't feel you are invading their personal space by viewing their auras from time to time. They are "open" with you.

To see the auras of people with whom you're not intimately connected will take some work and lots of practice. It may also take their permission, whether stated out loud or telepathically. Try to be patient, for practice always makes perfect!