Category: Advice Columns

Double Vision: Where is the Love?



After ten years plus on this spiritual journey, I find myself riddled with more confusion and questions than ever. Here's one: If positive thinking and purity of heart is our natural state, then why is it so difficult to overcome our negativity? Once we realize our natural state, shouldn't it just become natural? I was raised in a family and social environment that destroyed my self-esteem and emotional stability, but I worked hard to overcome my issues and grow. Oddly, the more I sought change, the more I lost. This includes losing some fantastic people I loved. If these people loved me then, and I was working on becoming a better person, why would they fall away? Wouldn't "the Universe" seek to keep me surrounded with love? After all this time, I am still pushing that stone up the mountain. Why does it feel heavier and more impossible to push? Throughout, my intention has been to align with Spirit, do better and be a better person. Time and time again, I slip back into my old habits and feel so weak or abandoned by Spirit. If I desire to be "awake," then why doesn't "the Universe" acknowledge that desire with support? Millions of people are still "asleep" and I choose to awaken - why isn't this act blessed in and of itself? Mostly, I have found myself completely alone on this journey. It is often sad and painful. My prayers are not being answered. Moreover, though I've discovered what I am meant to do in life creatively, I have found no success doing it. As the song says, "Where is the Love?" Thanks for reading.



Thank you for bringing this issue to light. Every person who has ever walked this path has felt exactly like you do time and time again.

One of the most common assumptions about adopting a spiritual path is the idea that things will get easier. That is a profound misconception, for instead, things tend to get harder because you have to experience more challenges in order to grow more than people who choose to stay "unenlightened."

Did you begin this path to get rewards? Did you assume that just because you were living "right," you would enjoy a trouble free life? I say this all the time, but Jesus Christ was homeless and got murdered at a young age. There are many examples in whatever "Bible" you follow of great suffering while traveling the "path." At the same time, you have to remember that there is also great joy mentioned.

I explain all the time that life is like a spiral, not an upward climb. As we grow, we move around the spiral. As we learn, we move to a new level. For example, when we are done learning all the first grade lessons, we get promoted to the second grade. We are still learning all the same things such as math, science and history, but we are in a new class, with new books, desks, views, kids and a new teacher. We are in the same school, but in a different room. That is why things keep looking the same over and over, yet you KNOW you have been growing.

You are always surrounded by love. You are asking for romantic love. This is one of the hardest lessons that we humans have to learn, in my opinion. We have to learn that love only exists on the inside of us. "Intimacy" can also be pronounced "in to me see." EVERYTHING starts on the inside of us. Until you fully love yourself, you will not manifest a positive, strong, working romantic relationship.

If it is not happening on the outside, the reason is because you do not have it happening on the inside. You have SO much love inside yourself, but you still do not believe that you can have the relationship of your dreams. Look inside yourself and seek the reasons for your experiences.

We all go through times of darkness and times of light. When it is light, we are having fun, and the time seems to pass very quickly. When it is dark, the time seems to drag by, and nothing is easy, fun or happy. You are in a time of extreme darkness. The good news is that times of darkness DO pass. The sun WILL dawn on a brand new day, so to speak.

Look inside yourself to find the love you long for.

I wish you wholeness.



Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, all of us human beings are on a Spiritual Journey from the moment we are born on Earth. With our free will we select mates, political heroes and religious rituals. We make our own luck by making right choices as much as we possibly can. We create love or a lack of it for ourselves, and no one else is responsible for what we manifest.

Sometimes we definitely GOOF. At that point, we can choose to leave the past behind and move forward with our lives, or to sit down and wallow in the wrong choices we've made in self-pity. Many people choose sadness because they UNDERSTAND it, and it feels familiar and safe to them. They feel they've grown and changed, and many times, they have - but not enough to judge their own or anyone else's connection to Spirit. If this journey is making you angry, choose another path. If something isn't working for you, you can try something else.

From your questions, I can tell that you are about halfway through your Journey, that you have somewhat grown and changed, but you are still seeking some kind of value from your experiences, either to be acknowledged for coming from Darkness, or to be given some kind of REWARD. That isn't how Enlightenment works. Where did you get the idea that a spiritual path would always feel good?

Our inner state is always fluctuating. What was natural for you yesterday could feel extreme for you today. Human beings make human mistakes and choices. If the consequence of a choice is always sadness, make a different choice! By complaining that you're not receiving any "payback" from your "enlightenment," you block ANYTHING positive from coming to you.

Enlightenment is about peaceful acceptance and gratitude for the abundance in your life. The Universe is NOT responsible for your happiness - you are. Right action will bring what you want into your life, so you must not have found right action yet. You're resisting the TRUST aspect of enlightenment.

You seem to think that you've achieved enlightenment over and above the "millions of people who are asleep." If you had, you wouldn't feel out of touch, and CERTAINLY would not feel abandoned by Spirit! The free will choices we make that create drama and conflict for ourselves and others are NOT Spirit's doing or responsibility. How can you hear anything the Universe is trying to say to you if you keep yourself in agitation, anger, misery, and suffering? Spirit is telling me to tell you to "Be quiet! Hush! You are talking, but not listening!"


Double Vision: Why Did She Do This?



I am a Cancer, birth date 7-18-70, and back in May I started a relationship with a younger woman. Her birth date is 2-8-86. We started a friendship and then things got serious. We had closeness and intimacy. For months I tried to help her with her feelings for her ex-boyfriend. I fell in love with her. I did everything but buy a house for her, and then she started other relationships with other guys and called them friends. I finally found out the extent of those relationships. She got back recently with her ex, and now I am left with all these feelings and dreams that we started. I am both in love and depressed about it. Why did she push me so hard to get married, have sex, and plan a future with me, only to throw herself on other guys and finally go back to her ex? She tells her ex that we were just friends, but both of our families know we were dating. In fact, my mom thought we were going to get married. I think she is in denial. I still love her, but she hurt me so bad. I don't know what to do. Help! I want to know if there was anything that I haven't seen that I should know. She lies to everyone to get her way with them. I just wanted to love her as any real man loves a woman. I hope you can give me some guidance. Thanks.

- Bryan


First, thank you for sharing this painful experience with us.

Now let's get down to what is happening here. The main lesson in this whole situation for you, Bryan, is for you to listen to your gut/ instincts/ inner voice - whatever word you want to choose.

Throughout this entire relationship, your gut was tweaking. You always "felt" that something was amiss, but because you loved her, you chose to ignore that nagging. We always know in our guts when something is not going to work out, or something is up. In retrospect we ALWAYS look back and say, "I knew it."

You absolutely must listen to your gut, even when it disagrees with what you think you want. Actually, it's especially important to listen then! The expression, "hindsight is 20/20" is popular for a good reason. We can look back and clearly see how things worked out for the best, even when we struggled against change at the time it was happening. Someday, in hindsight, you too will see how things worked out for the best here.

You have to not only understand but also accept that everything happens just as it is supposed to. She could not handle the practical details of the life you two were making together. She is the type of person who has to have drama happening all the time. For example, when things got settled and easy between you, she went to find new "friends."

She was very crafty in using that term. For your benefit, every other man in her life was a friend. For their benefit, you were a friend. She can have lots of friends taking care of her needs, and she doesn't have to work very hard to get by, nor does she have to make an actual commitment.

You want a commitment, and you are ready to commit to someone who will meet you halfway. If she had stayed with you, you would have stayed with her because you love her. By doing so, however, you would have kept yourself from the woman who is going to give you what you REALLY want and need, not what you THINK you want and need.

This is when life gets really tough. As human beings, we want love. We think we find someone that we want to love and we do whatever it takes to make that love work, even when it is not supposed to. However, as spiritual beings, we have this "knowledge" inside of us of what LOVE is supposed to be. So far you have not found that. You have proven you can love unconditionally, so it won't be long before the love you have to offer will be returned in kind.

In the mean time, please look inside of yourself and try to find out why you have this need to "fix" or "help" women. Is it perhaps so that you will become indispensable, and she will never want to leave you? Answer that question, and you'll move to a higher experience in love.

I wish for you the love you so desire.



You poor thing! You got involved with a CHILD who APPEARED to be adult, when she was really running from one thing to another, trying to decide how she could be the happiest. At her young age, consideration for you was probably the LAST thing on her mind.

I'm so sorry you chose to let yourself be hurt by this youngster. I'm sure she didn't do any of the things that hurt you so much on PURPOSE; she just didn't know any better.

I see that she had a good time with you, and was momentarily grateful for the distraction you gave her from the other boyfriend, but ultimately, she was too immature to be with you, so she went back to that other person, who is more like her. Children have limits that are NATURALLY set by their ages and maturity levels, and it's easier for her to be with him.

Young girls are often about what is EASIEST for them. Your presence demanded that she behave in a mature fashion, and she just couldn't keep it up.

You say she was open to all your plans for the future. In the moment those plans were made, of course she was. Unfortunately, with kids her age, out of sight is out of mind, and as soon as you turned your back for a minute, she was off on some other teenage tangent. She couldn't focus on the future like you can.

The lying seems to be part of her personality, though if you asked her why she does that, she probably wouldn't know what you were talking about. She loved you as much as it was possible for her to love anyone. That is the way young girls who have never had to be responsible for their lives behave. Ten years from now, she might be ready to settle down with a nice guy like you, but she has too much growing up to do now.

You see, she thought you two were the SAME. She hasn't had enough life experience to realize that men your age who want to be in a committed relationship are SERIOUS about their marriage plans. She thought the two of you were just TALKING and having a good time, creating some kind of fairy tale "happily ever after" as she's seen on TV and in the movies. She had no idea your feelings for her ran any deeper than hers for you.

Perhaps the age difference should have tipped you off from the beginning. I do understand how easy it is to get caught up with people when we think we've found true love. However, expecting any eighteen-year-old person to be able to think clearly about her future is a stretch. Girls her age are still trying to decide what they are going to be when they grow up.

She's not in denial, because there is nothing for her to deny. You were fun until her other boyfriend came back, and as hurtful as that may sound to you, it's the truth.

Move on with your own life, and find someone you can TRUST with your heart. This time, try someone closer to your own age!


Double Vision: Telekinesis



Is it possible for anyone to develop psychic abilities like telekinesis? (To learn how to move objects with one's mind, like bending spoons, etc.?) Or are some people just born with that innate ability? If anyone can learn to do it, what would be the best way to go about doing so?

- Jonathan


Jonathan, I believe we can teach our minds anything. We only use a small portion of our brains, after all, and there is SO much that is left untapped.

There have been many studies done on telekinesis. I believe it just requires a higher state of consciousness. To reach this state of consciousness, the first step is probably deep meditation. So if you really want to learn, I suggest you meditate for 15 to 30 minutes and get very centered. Then take the next 30 minutes to try to move something very small. Picture yourself building a tunnel of sorts between your mind and the object you want to move. Focus solely on the object.

Anything outside of this tunnel will not be visible to you. Imagine something coming out of your head, like hands or a rake or whatever you want to use. Then imagine those hands or rake or whatever pulling the object you are trying to move towards you. It will probably take you at least two to three weeks to actually move something for the first time, so do not give up.

Also, remember this is not a life and death matter, or something really serious. This is very much like playing a game with yourself. If you try too hard, you will get frustrated, and we don't want that! Also, do not give up. Continue to try even when you don't see results. Do NOT think when it does not happen immediately that you cannot do it. You have to have an "I can do it" attitude.

As far as spoon bending, I have heard that you must hold the spoon in your hands and meditate on it. Rub the spoon lightly with your fingers, trying to become part of the spoon. Imagine the spoon's atoms mixing with the atoms in your fingers so that you can't tell the difference between your fingers and the spoon. You may feel the spoon actually heat up in your hands. That is normal. Once you get to that point, then you can imagine the spoon melting like it is liquid. At that point, it should be bending.

The most important thing I am hearing for you is a question: WHY do you want to learn this? Are you going to be responsible with your newfound ability, or are you going to use it at parties to impress people, or to earn money in a carnival-like setting? You have to understand that when you are dealing with extraordinary abilities like this, you have an obligation to be extraordinarily moral and honest. If you use a gift or a learned ability for anything other than good, love and light, you will face harsh consequences either in this life or the next.

I wish you success with your goal!



Probably the most famous story of telekinesis from our own times can be found in the Stephen King book Carrie. In that novel, a high school girl who is bullied by her classmates loses control over her very scary telekinetic power, and kills most of the people at the prom. While it's an exciting story, that's all it is - a STORY. Human beings are no longer designed to have the kind of energy it takes to move things with nothing more than mind power.

From time to time, some people DO get bursts of energy that SEEM TO move inanimate objects. The ability to CONTROL telekinesis is something that has been studied for a long time in some of the bigger parapsychology institutes, but with very little success. For the last century, all over the world various studies have tried to pin down what happens in our personal electrical fields to cause things to move "on their own." To my knowledge, no one has been able to prove this power really exists, much less master it.

Some people have an energy field that stops watches, so that they can't wear them, or runs the battery down in their car, so they constantly have to buy new ones. This condition is something innate - it isn't something that can be learned. These people are either born with this condition or it develops spontaneously, often as a result of a near death experience. I don't think I've ever encountered anyone who was able to develop this ability on their own or with the help of experts. This is either something that human beings no longer have in our repertoire, or never had in the first place.

In the days of Atlantis, before recorded time, it's said that people were able to move mountains with the power of their minds. I've never known anyone who could consciously do something like that, however.

If you want to be able to present the ILLUSION that you can move something or change something with the power of your mind, take a course in stage magic. You can learn to fool people into believing that you're doing amazing things in a very short time. Visit your local magic shop or find a good book by one of the great illusionists who did this for a living. I believe Yuri Geller has several books that may be out of print, so look in your library under "Magicians" or "Stage Magic" for that information.

Yuri is the guy who bends spoons "with his mind" on talk shows. Magicians and Illusionists have been doing things like that for thousands of years, which might be where you got the idea it could really be done by plain old human beings.