Category: Advice Columns

I have been dating my boyfriend for six years now, and we've been engaged for three years. My family and our friends keep asking us when we're getting married, and if it was up to me, it would have happened a long time ago. My boyfriend, however, seems to be nervous about it, and always finds some way to not get locked into a specific date. I'm 29 now, and 30 is right around the corner. I'm wondering what's really going on with him, and if I'm being a fool. Am I wasting my youth (and my best childbearing years) on this guy? I am ready to walk away if he is never going to really get married, because if he can't give me all of his heart, what's the point? We are happy together - he just seems to be afraid of taking this final step. When I try to talk to him about it, he assures me there is nothing going on, that he's just busy, or this or that or the other thing. Do you have a spell or some other spiritual tool I can use to break free of this stagnation and move forward one way or another? Thanks, I love your column!

- Andrea

Dreamchaser:

First, why do you think that you do not have all his heart right now? Does one have to be married to give someone all of their heart?

He loves you. You yourself said things are fine. You two have a GOOD relationship. He proposed because you were pushing to get married and he felt if he did not propose, you would walk. He does not want to lose you, but he also does not want to get married.

There are some people in this world (and I am one of them) who do not believe in marriage. Marriage is an antiquated, old-fashioned, outdated ideal. Women do not need a man for financial security, and men do not need a woman to take care of the house anymore. Our roles have changed greatly in the last 100 years.

Your man is afraid of marriage. He has seen friends who had great relationships get married and then have their relationships fall apart. He does not want to lose you. He is afraid if you two get married, your relationship will implode as well. I want to say for the record that people like me who do not believe in marriage can ABSOLUTELY believe in love and monogamy. Just because I don't want to marry a man doesn't mean I don't want to love, honor, support and care for him.

Your man is the same way. He loves and supports you, but he's really afraid of stepping into something he considers relationship doom.

If you want to get married to bear children, it's time you dump this man and move on to find someone who is on the same page, because your man is not ready to do this any time soon. His actions have shown that.

There is nothing that you can do with a spell or spiritual tool because you cannot mess with someone else's free will. That would not only be wrong, it would bring you bad karma.

It is his choice to remain the way he is. If you started dropping spells on him, would you really have him? You would have a husband who was a husband because you forced it. Is that what you really want? Or do you want a man who wants to marry you and chooses it of his own free will?

Only you can say if this is a waste; no one else can make that determination for you. In my opinion, however, real love is never a waste.

I pray that all your dreams come true.

2158

Astrea:

Magic is not supposed to be used to interfere with someone else's free will, but to your credit, you don't say that's what you're seeking. What a good girl you are!

You're asking for something to help you MOVE FORWARD, and there are tons of spells and rituals that can be applied to your situation.

Here is one that has been "road tested" by quite a few people I know well. They all say that if nothing else, it helps them focus on a new kind of goal.

This spell is for when we have outgrown a long-standing relationship with another person and wish to move on without hurting his or her feelings. This approach prevents the guilt-trips, emotional blackmail, button pushing, and other manipulative energies that surround breakups.

To start, carve your boyfriend's name on a white candle with a pin, and then hold the candle in your right hand. Think of all the positive qualities that you know he possesses. Anoint the candle with patchouli oil before putting it in a holder.

Next, carve your name into a pink candle. Hold that candle in your LEFT hand, and think of all the positive things about you and the great things you've experienced in your relationship with him over the past six years.

Trace two pentagrams (stars) with salt around each candle holder. The holders should sit in the spaces in the middle of the stars. Visualize your boyfriend shifting his focus to a joyful new interest, thus relinquishing his dependence and reliance upon you. Light his white candle and say:

"Candle light, by your might, assist in my plight. Free me from emotional fetter, past bonds now scatter. Unchained, I am free forever."

Next, light your pink candle and say: "Candle light, by your might, assist in his plight. Free him from emotional fetter, past bonds now scatter. Unchained, he is free forever." If you can get him to participate in this spell with you, it will be all the more powerful.

Note: I have also found that when a couple does this together, sometimes it has the OPPOSITE effect you might expect, and their love and commitment are renewed and stronger than ever. The idea of being apart scares them into finally getting their act together!

Good luck!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.

I have a job I love, but lately I've been feeling paranoid at the office. It seems like someone is trying to cause problems for me. I can't exactly put my finger on what's happening, it's more of a feeling. I realize that I could be obsessing over nothing, but I have always been somewhat intuitive, and have never had a feeling this strong. I feel like I shouldn't ignore it, but usually I am able to clarify what a hunch means through meditation or my dreams. This time it's very hazy - I'm just left with this general feeling of uneasiness. Is there some way I can figure out what this means and what I should do about it?

Mary

Dreamchaser:

In a nutshell, you are paranoid to a point. Whenever you work in an office-type setting, there will be someone causing problems for someone else. Not everyone is going to get along with everyone else in ANY situation, be it school, church or work.

There are also those jealous people who will start trouble just because they want what someone else has. Ladder climbers will step on your head to move up to the next rung of success. That is to be expected and dealt with when it happens.

I feel there is no one directly causing problems for you. You have not been shown any answers via your regular methods of "enlightenment." You have come up empty when you asked the Universe to show you what's wrong, so is it possible that your answer is "all is well?"

I do not in any way mean to offend you or hurt your feelings with the following statements, but you have always been the type to look for problems. If you do not have one, you will find one. If there is nothing happening, you will make sure that something starts to happen. You find it very hard to live in peace and quiet.

You need to ask yourself why that is and how you can change - unless of course you LIKE living with all this drama and trauma. If that's the case, feel free to continue as you have been. I have a feeling you do not really like it, however.

You can let go of this habit, but you will need to do some soul work. I think this issue relates to you only getting attention when you were younger when you had a problem or issue. You learned that to get attention, you had to have something happening. When you were doing just fine, you would just blend into the background.

If you would like an easy way to combat corporate assassins, put yourself in the Bubble. I have written about this many times here, so you may already know how. Choose your favorite material substance and your favorite color, and then picture a bubble made out of that. Mine is purple water. (It used to be stars, but I changed it to water.)

Then picture yourself stepping into the Bubble and the Bubble sealing around you. When you are in your Bubble, it's like you've made a pact with the Universe: Your energy can get out, but no one else's energy can get in to you. It really does work well in situations where you feel paranoid or attacked.

It would work extremely well in this situation. You would not feel anyone's energy around you, and you could just work and mind your own business and have a great day inside your Bubble.

I wish you peace, harmony, contentment and joy in your everyday life, both at work and at home.

*****

Astrea:

From the dawn of time, all civilizations have left us evidence of affirmations and spells they used to protect their homes, families and occupations. Even hunters in caves drew drawings on the walls of the protective dances that were done before and after hunts.

These days, the wildest animals most of us face are encountered in the workplace! Whether someone is causing you to feel uneasy or you're imagining things, it never hurts to create some protection for yourself so you can feel at ease at work and at home.

For centuries, people have done affirmations to reflect negative energies back to their sources. I like this approach, and whether you do this mentally or employ actual mirrors, it works!

Go to the dollar store (we have five here in Snot, Texas) and buy four small mirrors. If there is a crafts store near you, they have tiny ones that work well. The mirrors should be round or oval-shaped. It doesn't matter how big they are, just that they are a shape without points on their sides.

Inscribe the backs of each with the runes eolh (Z) and is (I). This will charge your mirrors to deflect any negativity around you. You can invoke the divine protection of these "magic" mirrors whenever you feel the need to do so.

To initiate this protection, place one mirror at each compass or directional point around you, reflection side up. In a spray bottle, mix distilled water and four drops each of lavender and patchouli oils. Extend your hands over the spray bottle, forming a magic triangle with your thumbs and forefingers. Visualize a Divine Beam infusing this mixture with purifying, protective energy.

Sit in the middle of your mirrors. Mist the air around the mirror you placed at the northern point of the compass (that's the northern side of your house or wherever you're charging your mirrors). Mist over each mirror, visualizing your Beam shooting into their centers. Move in a counter-clockwise direction until you've finished all four.

Place the mirrors facing the appropriate directions inside your top desk drawer at work. (Sometimes it helps to glue them down so they don't shift all around). It doesn't matter if you put stuff on top of the mirrors as long as you're gentle and you don't break them.

When someone who doesn't want the best for you comes to your desk, the mirrors will automatically deflect the negativity that they are sending you BACK to them, whether you can see the mirrors or not.

I highly recommend that you place your mirrors when no one else is around, so that you can form your triangle/beam over each one for extra oomph!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.