Double Vision: Why Are Some People So Shy and Introverted?

I have recently realized how important fulfilling relationships and the expression of love are in the journey of life. The only problem is that I'm a very shy, introverted, and at times flat-out not very confident person. This makes it really hard for me to form fulfilling relationships and express love to other people. Are you able to shed any spiritual light on people like me and our struggles to engage in these most basic functions of life? Why are some people so shy and sensitive? Are there any spiritual reasons for this? Thank you in advance.



There are many reasons why some people are more introverted than others. For example, people's astrological signs often dictate how they approach the world. You didn't mention your birth date, but it is common for the water signs of the zodiac, those born in July, November or March, and those born with an abundance of Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces planets in their natal chart to be more sensitive and shy than other signs.

Sensitivity and shyness can also be attributed to childhood experiences. Most babies are born with open, embracing spirits, and are well-versed in the art of just <q>being.</q> Once society or parents begin to direct them in certain ways, they will gravitate toward being either an extrovert or an introvert. For example, first born children may be carefree and happy until a sibling comes along and attention shifts away from them. Unsure of how to handle this, they may pull back and become more self-conscious and tuned in to what is happening around them.

Influences from past lives can also contribute to a person's tendency toward shyness or sensitivity. Depending on their experiences, they may carry post-traumatic symptoms that cause them to try to protect themselves. For example, many psychics relay that as children, they tended to hide their gifts, partially because they received negative or fear-based responses from adults. They may also have been labeled witches and put to death in past lives, which would understandably lead them to think twice about expressing their unique views on life and the world this time around.

We all grow and evolve over the years. Realizing that your shyness could be limiting you from experiencing the loving connections you long for is the first step toward positive change. Developing self-confidence and the ability to express yourself does not have to cancel out your sensitive true nature; instead, it can enhance the very traits you view as liabilities.

You can eliminate the limits you are experiencing through spiritual means. Meditation is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your life force and self-confidence. Because of your sensitive nature, joining a spiritual group or taking up metaphysical practices would be ideal ways to encourage your psychic side to emerge.

Interacting with kindred spirits who share your journey will enable you to compare notes and see how they are reaching their dreams. From that point, Spirit will bring an ideal partner who can embrace your sensitivity and balance out your introverted side. Once that happens, you won't have any trouble expressing yourself and sharing your heart with another.



<p>I believe your personality resulted from a combination of nature and nurture. Some children are born shy and others are born bold. If being shy is part of your genetic makeup, I encourage you to muster some compassion, patience and kindness for yourself. We can stretch past our natures to a degree, but it's important to notice the pain vs. gain ratio as we go along: there's no point in forcing ourselves into situations that just don't fit us.

<p>Shyness can also result from family environments where parents and older siblings were abusive or overly critical, as these energies are not conducive to children expressing themselves freely. If your shyness resulted from an abrasive family, psychotherapy can help you heal; by expressing your feelings in a safe environment, you will no longer fear opening up.

<p>Shy people often worry that they'll express their feelings in an unappealing manner when they become too close to someone, but part of any real relationship is exposing our messy imperfections. With practice, we can learn to share our truths more gracefully, so do consider joining a therapy group or assertiveness class!

<p>You can overcome paralyzing anxiety by taking baby steps towards your goal while remaining as relaxed as possible. A young male client of mine described himself much as you have. I asked him to think of the tiniest step he could take that would provide him with a sense of accomplishment. He chose glancing at coworkers instead of avoiding eye contact. After mastering this task, his next chosen step was to smile at coworkers, regardless of whether they smiled first or smiled back. Next, he verbally greeted them with a <q>hi</q> or <q>good morning.</q> Before long, he was conversing with people he had gone to great lengths to avoid in the past.

<p>It can help to recognize that shyness has an aspect of self-centeredness to it. One of the best ways to dissipate self-consciousness is to focus on the other person and THEIR comfort. Poet Emily Dickinson began one of her poems with this notion: <q>If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.</q> You DO have the power to ease the pain of others, and that's empowering.

<p>It's also helpful to remember that most people can't see our anxiety; what we feel inside during anxious moments rarely shows on the outside. I don't think there's a spiritual origin for your shyness, but rather a spiritual aspect to it in the sense that our limitations invite us to walk through our fears. As we overcome one obstacle, we gain momentum and courage, and our next challenge becomes that much easier to face and overcome.


December 10:

due November 12

Could Her Infertility Be Karmic?

due November 12

I am trying to understand when a situation is karmic versus when it's God's plan. When I was little, I intuitively knew I wouldn't have kids; I believed I was barren. It turned out that I didn't have kids, although I've been wanting and trying to conceive for the last couple of years. I've done a lot of spiritual work and past life regressions and I believe my infertility is karmic, but I'm not clear as to whether that means God has another plan for me in this lifetime so I should just leave it alone, or if I need to keep trying to conceive in order to clear my past karma. My date of birth is September 28, 1968. My boyfriend's is October 15, 1966. Thank you! Joan


Many believe that past life karma or current life <q>sins</q> are preventing them from attaining their dreams. This concept covers everything from having children to finding one's soul mate. In truth, an intense drive to make something happen can be the very thing that is preventing it. Some people I counsel are interested in finding out the karmic reason why something is not working when in fact, they need only make a few simple changes to rectify the situation.

Assuming there is no physical reason you can't conceive, you may simply be trying too hard! Time after time I have seen people struggle to conceive, give up and adopt a child, and then find themselves pregnant soon after. My sister tried for years to become pregnant to no avail. When she found herself in the middle of a major move, she put the idea of a baby out of her head, and before she had even unpacked the boxes in her new home, she discovered she was with child.

If both you and your boyfriend are physically able to conceive, the answer may be to quit trying so hard. Also, you may want to consider natural supplements that encourage fertilization; for instance, taking vitamin E is a great way to create a more friendly environment for conception. A homeopath or natural doctor of medicine in your area may have additional ways to promote pregnancy. Remember that the mind is very powerful. If you have carried the idea that you are barren since childhood, it is time to reverse that idea by replacing it with positive beliefs and affirmations. This is the quickest way to open up a channel so Spirit can rectify the situation.

You have done well to take the spirital aspects of this situation into consideration, and to investigate and attempt to clear past life karma. If there is some spiritual reason you've been struggling with this, then when you do conceive, you will know that the lessons you were learning have been completed. If you do not conceive, you can trust that there is a good reason for that. My sense is that following the above suggestions will clear any blocked channels and bless you with the child you are hoping for. Divine timing is an amazing thing: there are no limits to what Spirit can do for you if you are open to letting things unfold in their own way and time.

Our paths can take some pretty interesting turns. Life is full of surprises, so often, we don't know whether to attribute certain situations to karma, fate or chance. One thing does seem to be clear, however: when we stop fighting a certain situation and accept it, it begins to change.



<p>Though the details change from person to person, we've all asked the same question! When something we desire is out of reach, we all wonder if should we continue to go for it or give it up. Is the frustration we feel due to karma or because we're resisting God's plan? Is overcoming an obstacle within the scope of our power, or should we surrender because it's bigger than us and out of our hands?

<p>This very issue is addressed by tarot cards IX and X: the Hermit and the Wheel of Fortune. The Wheel represents God's plan, though there are other words we might use for this concept: fate, destiny, a power greater than ourselves, the natural unfolding of the universe, the Tao, the flow, quantum physics or rules of randomness. The Hermit card represents Karma, though we can use other words for that, too: free will, personal choice, integrity, making amends, creation, manifestation or the law of attraction. The Serenity Prayer, which I'm sure you're familiar with, addresses the issue of God's plan vs. karma when it asks for the <q>wisdom to know the difference.</q>

<p>I recommend wise balance between tarot's IX and X energies. Being too willful leads to energetic pushing and shoving, and is likely to land you in a codependency meeting. Too much surrendering to fate will land you on the couch watching television and waiting for someone to show up at your door with your life in a package. It's the dance between these two energies that leads to the manifestation of our dreams or a better version of them.

<p>I advise my clients to do all they can to manifest a desire: visualize it, affirm it, suit up and show up, do the footwork and act as if it's already happening...and then let go of their attachment to the outcome! In your case, that would mean seeing yourself pregnant, thinking <q>I'm pregnant,</q> following the suggestions of a fertility specialist, living a healthy lifestyle to prepare your body to carry a child, reading books about babies, choosing names and decorating a nursery...and then letting it go! We are co-creators with the universe because we are PART of the universe, not separate from it.

<p>Any intellectual debate such as karma vs. God's plan can be a way of avoiding feelings, so I also recommend you stop thinking for a while and focus solely on your emotions and any related physical sensations. As you think about having a child, allow yourself to feel happy, excited and hopeful! When you fear it may not happen, allow yourself to cry, mourn and feel sad. In so doing, you will discover truths that can't be found with the intellect.


Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.