My question involves myself, Liz (Scorpio), ex-hubby Jon (Capricorn), and current love Walt (Sagittarius). I was married to Jon for 13 years. These were the best years of my life, and this was the most loving relationship I'd ever known. We were BEST friends, but he lacked passion. I ignored that issue because everything else was so blissful between us. Then years ago, sadly I initiated a divorce after meeting Walt. I wanted a mate who could return my passion. Jon understood and reluctantly let go. We remained friends, and it seemed almost nothing changed between us but our addresses! We talked daily, shared activities - even had sleepovers (still no sex.) Walt, a bit of a loner, seemingly accepted my friendship with Jon, so I gained a lover but didn't lose my best bud. Jon rarely dated and I felt guilty I'd found new love when he hadn't. I prayed he'd find a happy committed relationship so I could enjoy MY new love guilt-free. Then just recently, Jon did find love, and has pulled away to enjoy his new partner. My wish came true! He seems so happy, fulfilled and PASSIONATE, and his partner adores him.
Why do I suddenly feel devastated? It doesn't seem very spiritual of me. It's not that I really want Jon back as a husband. We truly weren't compatible as mates, but he was my first "rock," and that aspect of my life has diminished. I thought I'd be able to commit more fully to Walt once Jon was happy in a relationship too, but now all I think about is Jon. Crazily, I'm regretting that our marriage ended, even though I know it wasn't a real marriage since the flame of passion was so dim on his side. I feel jealous when I should feel grateful that he too found the gift of mutual passion. Suddenly I'm having the hardest time making peace with being divorced from Jon, even though it's been three years! I feel stuck in the past. Can you help me evolve and move forward? Walt loves me so, and I truly love HIM. I know there's an important growth opportunity in here somewhere. Thank you! - Liz
Dreamchaser:
Liz, as you are a Scorpio, I can absolutely understand your need for passion. Jon has found his own special someone and you are jealous. You really liked knowing that he still loved you and that the door was still cracked open for you if you needed to go back through it. Now that door is closed, and that completely freaks you out on MANY levels. As odd as this sounds, you feel very alone suddenly. You are also jealous because he is not paying as much attention to you and you miss him. You want your friend back.
You're also wondering how he could find passion with someone else and not YOU. It gave you some comfort seeing him remain single and passion-less, but now that he has this love and he is happy and full of LIFE, you can't help but wonder if something inside YOU prevented the spark of passion in your relationship. You are comparing yourself to his new love, and this brings up feelings of inadequacy that stem from your childhood. You do NOT like how this feels. In your eyes, Jon is now the perfect man, for the one element he was missing has been found, so you want him back.
Liz, there are lots of people who are amazing friends, but very poor lovers. There are also some people who are amazing lovers, but very poor friends too! You and Jon are most assuredly soul mates. You are supposed to be together in SOME form in this life. When you met, you loved each other instantly. It was a comfortable, comforting kind of love. You "knew" on some level that it was not everything you wanted, but it was REALLY good. He is a very good man and a good friend to you. You made the trade-off that MANY people make when they say to themselves, "Well, he (or she) is probably as close to perfect as I am going to find."
If there is something important missing in a relationship, such as sexual compatibility, then you're not meant to be lovers. Like you and Jon, people can stay friends and go on to find the element that is lacking elsewhere. SO many people fall into this same "hole" Liz.
You and Jon are not meant to be lovers, you are meant to be friends. You two together cannot summon the passion that you find with others. He is not leaving your life. He will still be your best friend. I think your feelings are telling you to look at your own marriage carefully. Are you lacking something important there, or do you have everything you need?
*****
Astrea:
You seem pretty darned enlightened to me, kiddo. What you're experiencing is ONLY HUMAN! No matter how spiritual we become, we are still HUMAN beings with HUMAN feelings and human hurts. Of course you're going to feel some resentment that Jon has found someone who seems to be able to ignite the passion in him you weren't getting when you two were married. This is entirely NORMAL! We ALL feel like that when our exes find happiness with someone else, whether we're still in love with them or not.
What you're also feeling is a FINAL kind of separation from Jon that you haven't had to feel before, because you've been able to BE enlightened and remain friends, even though your Karma as husband and wife is finished in this incarnation. This is why you find yourself thinking of him constantly, and even wondering what it would be like to be with him again. I really don't think that you WANT to be reunited in that way. You do love Walt and you've found happiness with him. You may have found that during this time of emotional struggle for you, he gets on your nerves a little bit (little things jump out at you), but this too is normal and will pass.
You ARE facing this in a VERY SPIRITUAL way, because you're QUESTIONING why you feel the way you do about the situation. Don't think that there is something spiritually wrong with you. Jon is all happy now, and okay, that's hard to take because the two of you stopped creating that for one another. He's probably busier now, and his new love might not really want him with you all the time, like he was able to be before. I'm sure he is all caught up in his transition from being single to being in a happy new relationship. I'm sure at times he even seems to be "rubbing it in," but he doesn't mean to.
This is nothing but a new TRANSITION in your friendship too. Once the "new" wears off his romantic relationship, Jon will be back to being the friend you've known him to be. It's hard to get used to sharing his energy, but that's all you really have to accomplish. I know in your heart that you are THRILLED that he's happy; it's just your head that needs convincing now. You'll get to a good and comfortable place with this new experience if you just give yourself some patient time to adjust. If JON loves this girl, you will love her too in time, because you and Jon are so very much alike.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.