My father has a disease - alcoholism. He has been drinking for many, many years. I love my father greatly, and believe he is a good man despite this condition. I am wondering if he will ever stop. What makes a person choose to be an alcoholic in a given lifetime? What spiritual lessons are being learned by them? What are their loved ones supposed to be learning? How do we handle the many challenges of living with and loving an addict? Thank you very much for your answer.
Maggie
Dreamchaser:
Maggie, I am so glad you asked this question. So many people's lives are touched by alcoholism or drug addiction; we need to discuss it. We need to say it out loud. So many times we keep secrets in our homes and think that no one from the outside can see. We are wrong. Everyone knows when a house is broken, and talking about it can possibly heal wounds or help someone.
The one question I am asked most in this column and in psychic readings is Why would someone choose THAT as a lesson?
I have no idea why we even choose to come to live as humans on Planet Earth. I have read that we are the bravest of all souls because we DO choose to come here and learn our lessons the hard way. When there is addiction in our families, each person learns something different and personal to them.
I can only speak for myself. I learned from having an alcoholic father that I could not have someone's bad behavior as a constant in my life, and that I cannot fix anyone besides myself. I did not speak to my father for nine years. I kept trying to fix him, and I would get upset when I couldn't. I tried to be perfect so he would be happy. I would feel like a failure when he was not. The list goes on and on - you know it well. In the separation time, I learned to like myself. That was MY lesson. My brother learned something entirely different. We each have our own lessons to learn, Maggie. There is not just ONE answer.
You are a DO-er too. You want to do something. You keep thinking that there must be something you can DO to make this change. You think if you could just say the right thing, maybe he would stop drinking. Maggie, you could not be more wrong. There is NOTHING you can do to change him or the situation. You have to do for yourself and yourself alone. Until he is ready, he will not quit. It is quite possible that he will never quit. He sees his life laying in ruin and that makes him just drink more. Maggie, one of your lessons is that you cannot do anything here. You are powerless over everything except your own reactions.
Have you tried an intervention with your father? Have you gotten everyone who loves him together in one room so you all can tell him how his addictions affect you and your lives? I know of a few people who had to be shown their actions. Your father does not mean to hurt people. He is a nice man. I suggest you try to put an intervention together. Yes, he will be furious, but it just might help. There are so many that love him. Ask them to help you.
I wish you peace.
*****
Astrea:
I have some personal answers for you. Will your dad ever quit? I see him quitting a number of times over the next ten years. I honestly see him seeking help for this about a year from now, so don't give up hope. He really will begin to try to find his way because HE wants to. I see a tragedy happening in his life that is going to cause him to wake up and have a change of heart. Sometimes it takes a shock. I see hope for your dad in the coming months. Your dad has a chance to evolve away from this slavery and move towards Enlightenment, and he'll take it.
Why would your dad choose to be this way during this incarnation? In the lifetime before this one, your father did some terrible things. I can't give that information to you, but he should seek it. It would help him understand what he's trying to drown out with the alcohol. He doesn't even know why he drinks, because it's a carryover from a past life when his Spirit made some bad choices. Your dad's Spirit is so sensitive that when those past life memories and feelings start to rise, he drinks to push them down again.
As for how to deal with your dad, try compassion. Christians might suggest that you treat your dad the way you would treat Jesus if he dropped by and had too much to drink. Instead of asking yourself, What Would Jesus Do? ask yourself, What would I do for Jesus if HE was my Dad? If you're Pagan, how would you care for the Yule King if he had too much to drink? Try to find compassion. This is YOUR path to Enlightenment, too.
Addiction is a terrible problem, whether the person is addicted to drugs, alcohol or even drama. The person who suffers from the addiction sometimes has no idea what he puts his friends and family through when he is using.
You do NOT have to be victimized by anyone's addiction, your dad's included. Of course you love him; he's your Daddy! I know you want to help him through this, but you're dealing with something that only he can control.
Fortunately, you have a lot of options to help you deal with your dad's problem. Give Alanon a try. They have meetings available wherever there is a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, and they are listed in the white pages of your telephone book. Even if you don't like it the first time, try more than one meeting. They can give you lots of information about some of the ways you can try to help your dad, but most of all, being around other people who are facing the same challenge will help you deal with all of this in a more positive way.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.