This may sound foolish, but I’ve come to the end of my rope and don’t know what else I can do. I am currently in an unhealthy relationship. Now, as simple as it may be to tell someone that you no longer want to be involved with them, it hasn’t been that easy. He’s a wonderful man and we love each other a great deal, but due to circumstances (it’s a long-distance relationship) and some of the events that have occurred recently in my life, I know this is not something that I really want. I have told him directly that the relationship is over. I have been firm; I have been empathetic; I have explained my reasons but nothing is getting through to him. Nothing I do to disconnect seems to work. I know it sounds silly, but I couldn’t possibly explain the full situation or we’d be here all day. A friend of mine who practices Wicca suggested using a binding spell, but also explained that there could be serious consequences to this. I’m not in any physical danger, but I know if I continue with this relationship, it will be emotionally detrimental. Please help! – E.
My birth date: July 22 1983 His: May 22, 1977
Dreamchaser:
The first thing I would recommend you do, since it is long distance, is not answer his calls. If there is a way to do it, block his number on your phone. Also block his emails, im’s and any other method of contact he has at his really want to be done with this relationship, allowing him any kind of contact just encourages him and prolongs the inevitable.
This relationship makes you feel as if it is poisoning your very soul. You feel guilty and you carry this weight around with you all day, every day. It is like you keep looking over your shoulder, expecting to get caught. If you are found out, your world crumbles; in your mind, that would be a bad thing. You know all of this! You know you have to end this now if you are to regain any sense of peace in your life.
I personally have issues with any kind of spell that in any way interferes with another person’s free will, so your approach to binding would determine how I feel about it. If you are binding him, then I can’t get on board. If you are binding any negativity from being able to trouble you in any way, then that is another thing altogether. Do you see the difference? It may sound like nothing more than verbiage, but not interfering with another’s free will is very important.
You can’t look to a spell to do the dirty work so you do not have to. You have to be strong and confident and know that you are doing exactly what you should be doing for yourself, your soul and your family. You are not happy in your life, but that is independent of him. Break up with him and then take a good long look at your life. It will change by itself; I think you have figured that out already. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Take one step at a time. Stand firm in your decision to be without him. If you stand firm enough, he will hear you.
You will have to withstand his further attempts to contact you. You have gone back in the past because you achieved what you wanted to achieve. You got his attention. In relationships, we become like conditioned animals. We react the same way over and over to certain stimuli. He is conditioned to step it up when you cut him off. You have to show him that you are sincere this time by blocking all his routes of contact. You can do this.
I wish you total freedom.
*****
Astrea:
I’m sure that you love your ex-boyfriend, but it’s clear to me that you can’t be together anymore. People born on any cusp often seek a “mirror” quality in someone else with a birthday on the day the signs change. I’m sure the things you have in common seemed enough at the beginning of the relationship, but you have grown and matured beyond him now. He is stuck somewhere in the past, while you see the future and what might be if you make the right choices. I know it hurts to let go, but you know you must.
I see why you would be moving on in your life now. You’ve met someone else and you want to be able to be with him. You feel dishonest about letting your ex think that there is ever going to be a chance that he will be welcome back into your life in the way he was before. If you haven’t broken up with him officially, do it now, so you won’t have that added guilt and worry to carry into your new relationship.
I know that you’ve done everything possible gentle thing to let the ex go, but he is determined that you’re mistaken about breaking up, and wants to prove to you that he is the one. He’s not. It may take you actually telling him about the new love coming into your life to discourage him and make him leave you alone.
If you’ve told him truthfully what is going on with you, and he is still not hearing you, then it’s time to either try to get him some professional help to deal with your break-up, or to stop speaking with him at all. While that might not sound like a spiritual way to finish things with him, it may be the only way he will understand that you are not going to be in his life as his girlfriend/partner any longer.
Before you resort to crushing him, however, see if he will agree to try no contact for 30 days. This means no email, no text messages, no smoke signals, no phone calls. At the end of that time, tell him you will contact him and you can talk again. Then, ask for 60 days apart. This will get him used to not being in touch with you, but will give him something to look forward to, without giving him the false hope that you can still be together. The longer you two go without any contact, the easier it is going to be for him to move on with his life.
Sometimes the spiritual way – wanting the other person to understand your feelings – just doesn’t work. Then you have to be cruel to be kind.