I was born 11/15/53. My deceased wife was born 12/17/55. She passed on January 2, 2008. I don't dream about her that often, and when I do, it feels more like a presence in the dream - I don't see her as if we were face to face. I ask her to come to my dreams and tell her that I want to see her and talk to her. I tell her that I miss and love her very much. Am I trying too hard? Do you think she wants me to let go?
Antonio
Astrea:
I know exactly what you mean about perceiving your wife in your dreams but not as you would if she were a living person. She's there but she's not there. I understand.
I don't want to believe that we are just dreaming about our loved ones, for many of us have a deep need to really connect with them and even discuss things with them. We may function in the world like we're supposed to but it doesn't feel right all the time. Though we are deeply sad and missing the loved one who has crossed over, we can act normal around other people. In fact, it's good to do that, for it makes us feel more normal.
Over the past six months, I've read many books about grief, yet I've found nothing that really hits the nail on the head for me. My mother passed away in late October and Daddy followed her in early December. I don't often see my mother in my dreams, but Daddy is there almost nightly.
Once you get used to all of this, you can tell if you're visiting with someone in spirit or dreaming about them. I think you already can discern the difference between those two kinds of experiences, though sometimes it's a fine line. Of course, even when we are just dreaming of them, they're with us all the time.
I know that there are a thousand little things that come up daily that you want to share with your wife. I talk to Daddy all the time. After six months, I finally realized that I CAN still talk to him. What's different now is the quality of his response.
I'm sure you've had many decisions to make where you needed her input, and if you're like most people, you can imagine what she might say to one thing or another, but it's not the same, is it? For many of us, our only opportunity to get those responses is in the dreams we have of them.
Mourning and grief are two different animals, and all the books I read say that we move naturally from grief to mourning. I'm not so sure about that yet. Most of the time, I hide behind my inner strength and courage to go on while I long for those clear and lucid dreams.
You are doing just right to ask her to come to you, and she is doing her best. After a calendar year, you're experiencing more lucid dreams and visions of her. Good for you!
I just finished reading a very good book. It's called The Year of Magical Thinking. It didn't take me but a day to read it, and it helped me. It's by Joan Didion, and she has some very deep and meaningful observations about grief. She began to write after her husband passed away suddenly. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has recently lost someone close to them.
*****
Susyn:
When a loved one passes over, it's never easy to let go or to remember that we are only separated from them by the veil between the physical and spirit worlds. From both perspectives (ours and theirs), moving forward can be difficult.
Your departed wifeÃs spirit will always be with you, but after a while, you will both have to accept this transition and continue on your paths. That does not mean you won't hear from her, feel her presence, or dream of her now and then, but that will tend to happen less frequently as time goes by.
You have probably noticed that on certain dates or during times of the year that were special to the two of you, your feelings of connection are stronger. Then at other times, it will seem as if she has disappeared or gone away. This is a natural phenomenon that occurs when we experience this kind of loss and move through the process of grieving.
Keep in mind that your wife is being led forward on her own path just as you are. When you think of her or meditate in an attempt to contact her, be sure to offer her your support for her own journey. By doing so, you will gain the strength you need to continue on your path as well.
One of the biggest misconceptions we may have when we lose a loved one is that they are gone and no longer available to us. In truth, they are nearby and happy to talk with us, and they can make their presence known in unusual and unpredictable ways. To answer your question about whether you're trying too hard, it's important to remember that, like those of us here on the earth plane, our departed loved ones aren't constantly on call because they have their own obligations to fulfill.
Guided meditation can enable you to have contact with her in an awakened state. Select a quiet place and fill it with her favorite flowers, colored candles and incense. You could also add a picture of her or one of her treasured belongings. Light the candles and incense and then immerse yourself in silence and listen for her.
To gain some resolution and reconnect with your wife, you may also want to consult a psychic medium. As a mediator, the psychic can send messages back and forth between the two of you, and in that way, you can receive affirmation that she is fine and that she loves and misses you while also getting answers to any questions you may have.
As you move forward in your life here on the earth plane, you will always carry her in your heart and soul, and if you continue to work on meditating and connecting with her, you will find her presence in your life will grow stronger and more constant.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.