These days I am experiencing alternating phases of restlessness and peace. Some of my experiences seem to coincide with Kundalini awakening. Sometimes I can feel someone watching over me and guiding me. I know these experiences are good for me but I don't know how to channel this energy in order to do something constructive. I am scared I'll waste the good energy by doing something stupid and negative. I seem to get affected by the energies of people around me and lapse into restlessness, thereby easily losing my focus. I know I can get whatever I want if I really want it, however these days I seem to not know what I want. I seem to have stopped dreaming, which I used to do a lot as a kid. Is this part of the awakening process? Will all return to normalcy on its own or do I need to do something?
The sensations and experiences you describe are common when one is going through the spiritual awakening process. This is a brand new experience for you and will take all your spiritual, emotional and physical concentration. It's therefore common to feel a sense of restlessness or concern as these changes take place.
One of our greatest challenges in life is trusting those times when we feel lost and undirected because we seem to be walking through a fog. It's easy to become fearful or confused during these cycles. In truth, what you are experiencing is a type of spiritual tunnel you must walk through to get from one level of spiritual development to the next.
To affirm that you are on the right track, it's always helpful to discuss what's happening with others when you're in the midst of a spiritual change. You are becoming more aware of the spiritual forces that are directing you. You are also picking up the energy of the people around you more easily.
Sometimes it can seem like we are moving backward instead of forward as our minds, emotions and physical bodies adjust to the changes that come with spiritual awakening. Your knowledge of Kundalini and your conscious awareness of these shifts is evidence that you are about on the verge of a spiritual rebirth. Along with the fact that you lose focus easily and have stopped dreaming, you may experience changes in your hearing or vision until this process is complete.
I wouldn't worry about wasting good energy or doing something to counteract the gift you are being given. That is what your guides are for: they will keep you moving in the right direction even when you feel like you are not moving in any direction at all. I feel certain that you are doing exactly what you need to do.
There are a few things you can practice to help make this transition easier. I recommend you devote yourself to a regular meditation practice, and undertake spiritual studies to learn all you can during this phase. You may also find it helpful to keep a journal in which you record how often you lose track of your focus, how often you feel your guides near you, and when you begin to dream again. This will help you to track certain patterns so you can see how often these events occur, their higher purpose, and when they start to fade away.
I am sure that you will feel a new sense of clarity and direction once you've reached the final stages of this transition. One sign that this has taken place will be the return of your dreams. You will also find that your intuition and psychic abilities have grown stronger.
Given your emotional fluctuations and inability to focus and complete tasks, I recommend you get a psychiatric assessment. You may be suffering from a mood disorder and/or Adult ADD. I suspect these behaviors have always been with you, but now that you're consciously monitoring your inner state, your self-awareness has grown.
We all exist on two levels simultaneously. On a deep soul level, weíre ever-connected to All-That-Is. We also reside on the level of earthly drama where each of us stars in our own personal soap opera. As Shakespeare said,
All the worldís a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
At times you feel content, guided, and in touch with your personal power; at other times, you feel restless, self-critical, and self-conscious. You seem to bounce haphazardly between these two states, which is disconcerting for you. A fulfilling life comes from learning how to gracefully balance our spirituality with mundane concerns.
In this book, Practicing the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle likens each one of us to a lake. The surface with its storms and waves represents the challenges of daily life. If we can shift our awareness to the bottom of the lake, we find absolute stillness regardless of whatís happening above.
When your surface life becomes overwhelming, sink deep within and remember itís all an illusion to keep eternity interesting. When you get bored with eternal peace, splash back to the surface for your next adventure. Author Rob Brezsny offers up this view: God doesnít say,
Cut the crap and shape up! God says:
I am well entertained by the stories youíve been living...canít wait to see what you do next.
Every life pursuit, from watching a film or sporting event to manifesting dreams, is more enjoyable when we find balance between the realms. When watching a suspenseful movie, you can get too lost in the drama and suffer anxiety, but if you refuse to get emotionally invested at all, you wonít enjoy the film at all. At a baseball game, you might say,
These people wearing funny uniforms and chasing a ball are silly. Who cares who wins? With that attitude, however, you certainly wonít relish the game. Of course, if you get overly invested to the point of hating the other team and screaming obscenities, you wonít have a good time either!
Youíll feel more stable as you learn to straddle the middle ground and live with one foot in spiritual constancy and one foot in earthly change. Embrace the virtue of spiritual excellence, but remember to temper your ideals with humility and humor!
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.