My ex has been in my thoughts and in my gut for almost 10 years now. I feel him pulling me and calling to me in the same way that I felt him long ago when we were together. These days, it seems to happen at random moments. I feel like there's a connection I can't let go of, like even though the relationship ended, it is still very much alive and ongoing. I meet other men and fall in love, but those relationships always end because the connection is just not the same. All the while, I feel like an umbilical cord is linking me with my ex. We broke up because he was lying to me, but maybe that was because he felt trapped. I don't know; I just know that closure never happened. I have recurring dreams in which he's using my bathroom, and it looks like it did back before it was renovated. I stop in the hallway to ask him why he's peeing with the door open, and he turns his head and says,
I still think of you or
I still remember you. More often, I have dreams of hiding in his house with his new wife and he finds me and holds me and tells me he still loves me. I don't know what to think about all of this.
When two people develop a relationship, they subconsciously exchange energy with each other. When a relationship ends, the person left behind may continue to feel attached to the other person for a long time. Your ex still possesses the energy you gave him, and a part of you wants it back. This may be the root cause of your inability to release him. Since he is married and has moved on with his life, it's time for you to cut the ties too.
The following ritual is effective for cutting ties and reclaiming your energy.
Ritual to Release a Past Love
Gather: 3 votive candles (1 blue, 1 green, 1 yellow); 1 smokey quartz or topaz crystal; amber incense; scissors; 3 pieces of twine, 5î to 8î long; 3 small bowls; water; 3 whole bay leaves; sea salt; 1 red apple.
Place the candles in front of you, arranged left to right: blue, green, yellow. Place a small bowl in front of each candle. Fill the center bowl with water. Light the incense wand and then the candles. Place the three bay leaves in bowl one, placing the quartz crystal on top of them. Set the apple in the third bowl. Lay the three pieces of rope, scissors and salt container in front of the middle bowl.
Remove a bay leaf from the first bowl, sprinkle it with salt, and then drop it into the water bowl. Focus on the blue candle, holding the crystal in your left hand while you meditate on the relationship you are ending. This will clear any compulsions to stay connected to the person you are releasing.
Next, repeat the process, focusing on the green candle. Meditate on the emotional aspects of the relationship; how it made you feel, and what was lacking in the heart. This will help you to release any pent up or lingering feelings you still carry for this person. Take the last bay leaf and focus on the yellow candle, meditating to draw your personal power back to you, where it belongs.
Once you finish this process, pick up the three pieces of rope and one at a time, cut them in half into the water bowl. With the first cut, say out loud:
I sever all communication and intellectual ties with ____. With the second cut say,
I sever all emotional ties with ____. On the third and final cut say,
I sever all spiritual ties with ____ and call my personal power back to me.
To complete the ritual, eat the apple. With each bite, think of one reason you are grateful this relationship is completed. Continue until the apple is consumed.
You say other relationships have ended because the connection was not as strong as the one you had with the ex in question. May I point out that the relationship with him also ended? You've heard the saying,
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Likewise, when you are ready for love, a suitable partner will appear. The search for love is not
out there so much as
in here, and a big part of readiness involves psychological and spiritual health.
Perhaps you need to be more discerning of people's characters and not take the blame for their bad behavior. You weren't responsible for his lying, but you may have
played a part in all that unfolded, so you may need to examine what might discourage people from being honest with you. For example, are you controlling? Do you over-react?
If you feel a lack of closure, write him a letter (no need to be polite) and read it out loud to an empty chair, friend or therapist. Pay attention to your emotions and physical feelings as you do so, and then think about what they remind you of from your early life. I suspect you feel an
umbilical cord linking you to your ex because this is really about your mother or father. The distant past is where you may need closure.
A man holds his penis while urinating. Symbolically, this suggests that he was self-centered, embracing himself and not you, and that he dumped his toxic waste into your life. You don't want to look at his faults, so you asked him why he didn't close the door. On the bright side, this scene took place prior to
renovations, meaning you've grown and changed since that time. It's time to flush the past!
You fantasize that he remembers and loves you, which sounds like the yearning of a child whose parent was abusive or neglectful. In your dream, the two of you are hiding from his wife and keeping a secret. Was there an affair in your family? Was your relationship with this ex an affair, or did he have one? The prominent role of his penis in your dreams suggests you at least wondered about that.
Obsessions help point us to the emotional wounds within us that need our loving attention. That you are wanting someone who belongs to someone else suggests that the parent whose love you crave seemed to give that love away. Perhaps you felt jealous of a new sibling or a new love interest in your parent's life.
You don't have to hide to get your needs met, as you do in your dreams, nor deny yourself love in the present. Let this old connection provide you with clues regarding the pain you need to heal so you can attract complete love now.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.