I was blessed to experience the dying process of my fiance. We were soul mates and dated for 10 years. He waited until his mom, best friend and I had left his side at hospice before he made his transition. A few days later, I began to notice flickering lights, light bulbs sparking, the TV going out, the TV and computer monitor dimming, the radio coming on by itself and playing Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. I was told by the wife of his friend to expect this. I am a Christian, so it was a life-changing experience for me to see how God prepares his children to come back home. My fiance was not religious but he was a believer. The most unforgettable part of his process was when he acknowledged his grandmother's presence in the hospital room. She had been deceased for five years and really loved my fiance. Here's my question: since his passing, I have experienced a spiritual awakening within myself. I sometimes get physical sensations I had not experienced before such as tingles and chills. I also wake up at three a.m. every night and can't go back to sleep until five. I know that the grieving process can affect all aspects of our lives, but would like to hear what you think is going on with me. How do I sharpen my spiritual skills without violating my religion? By the way, my fiance was gifted with the ability to see things before they happened; he just couldn't put a time stamp on them. He also said there were benevolent spiritual presences in his home. He would hear voices and they would turn on things. Is it possible that some of his abilities rubbed off on me?
The experiences you describe are common to those of us who have lost a loved one. When a person crosses over, they have many different ways of letting us know they are safe, sound and thinking about us, many of which you have mentioned here.
Some of the first signs that a loved one's spirit may send include flickering lights, computers dimming, interrupted radio signals or a specific song playing on the radio, as you mentioned. Because spirits need a lot of energy to make their presence known, they will often draw this power from a nearby electrical source.
Losing a loved one can often evoke a spiritual awakening, much as you described. Our awareness is heightened and our sense of the world transformed. As you say, this is a wonderful gift that your fiance gave you in the wake of his passing. You can also attribute the chills and tingles you get at certain times to him letting you know he is near.
Your sleeplessness is definitely part of the grieving process, but it also may happen because your fiance tends to come to you during those particular hours. Most spirits will appear in the middle of the night when the world is quiet and we are free from outside distractions. If you give yourself permission to hold conversations with him during these times, you will soon be able to hear his responses as well.
Many people mistakenly believe that their spiritual experiences are in conflict with their religious beliefs. You don't mention your particular denomination, but I assume it is based on the Bible. If so, there is nothing in these experiences that is at odds with your beliefs. The Bible is filled with stories of visits from spirits and angels and the idea that our souls carry on after we die. If you place your trust in what is written in the Bible, these experiences will actually make your religious beliefs stronger instead of troubling your conscience.
There are many ways to sharpen your spiritual skills and abilities. Spending more time in prayer and meditation is a wonderful way to expand your spirit and discover more. Because we all have a personal relationship with the God of our understanding, we can enlarge it in the same way we build our human relationships: by devoting time to it and cultivating bonds of trust and love.
You can also count on being guided to explore other aspects of spiritual living, for once the door to your awareness has been opened, it will naturally start to grow bigger. You may want to join a spiritual group so you can discuss your concerns and share your experiences, for people who have had similar journeys can support you and validate what you're going through.
What you describe is perhaps the most common way people are led to a conscious spiritual path: they have an extraordinary spiritual experience that totally blows their minds and leads them to start questioning everything they've always assumed to be true about the nature of life, death and reality.
Even when the loss of a loved one is not accompanied by amazing phenomena, it tends to cause a person to question things they've never deeply questioned before, especially if this is the first significant loss they've had to face. As your mind and heart reach out for comfort and for answers, the Universe and the spirit world will respond with all sorts of signs, messages, synchronicities and wondrous experiences.
When we start asking deep questions, we are naturally led to greater understanding. Over the years, I have heard from many people who have gone to a book store in search of a book that will address some deep spiritual question they've been pondering, only to have the perfect book fall right off the shelf in front of them as if trying to get their attention.
The same sort of thing happens in all sorts of ways. For example, if we ask if it is really true that we continue after death and we pray for knowledge of this with every fiber of our being, we may begin to have experiences with spirits or stumble upon books, stories, ideas and research that address this very subject. This happens naturally because we are engaging the Universe in conversation.
Just longing for spiritual experiences and thinking about spiritual subjects can and will lead to an awakening. Even if you're just aware of missing your fiance and want to be able to connect with him, it could be that you're experiencing this awakening so that you will be able to fulfill this desire. Your fiance may even be behind a lot of these experiences, working from his side to help you rise in vibration, knowledge and wisdom so that the two of you can connect even though you're now worlds apart.
Your own awakening side, one thing is clear: your fiance is trying very hard to reach out to you from Spirit, most likely to let you know that he is all right and there for you still, and to encourage you to keep on believing. It sounds like he was far more open to direct, personal spiritual experience than you are because he hadn't been taught to be fearful. Perhaps in blessing you with direct psychic experiences of someone you love and trust, he is trying to counter your religious concerns and tell you that there is nothing wrong about opening up to new realms of spiritual experience and developing a personal relationship with the Divine.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.