My husband and I are in our seventies. We've been together for more than forty years, and we love each other very much. I've long been on a conscious spiritual path, while my husband has no interest in such matters. This wasn't a huge issue until he retired about eight years ago. Since then, he has grown sullen and angry. All he does is sleep, watch TV, and surf the internet. We have some lovely grandchildren, but he takes little joy in them. Like the stereotype of the grumpy old man, he complains constantly and is downright miserable to be around. I have tried everything I can think of to help him heal his emotional pain and anger, but he'll have none of it. I love him but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this, but I also don't want to abandon him and disrupt the whole family. I would appreciate any guidance Spirit may have for me.
- Carol
Dreamchaser:
You have been living through this angry, sullen phase for eight years, and now you've come to a crossroads and must face this issue.
First and foremost, you can't help your husband heal his emotional pain or any other pain for that matter. You also can't say or do anything to help him heal his anger - that is something he has to do if and when he is ready to do it.
Until a person can see how angry they really are, they can't truly heal. He doesn't see himself as angry and in pain - he actually defines himself by his anger and pain, so he doesn't know how to be anything else. These energies have become familiar parts of him.
There are times when we have to ask ourselves if love is enough. I know you two have had a very long relationship, and have shared a whole lot of love.
That is commendable, but relationships do change: careers come to an end; children grow up, move out, and start having children of their own; life evolves. Why wouldn't you evolve as well?
You have been growing spiritually for years now, while your husband is still in the same place he was many years ago. It may be sad, but it only makes sense that you two have become estranged.
You are free to live the remaining years of your life however you want to live them. As for your children, you need to show them that they don't have to be slaves to what other people think they should do.
One of the best things you can do for the people you love and care about is show them how to be happy. Your children will be happy when you are happy. You can still be a mother, grandmother, friend, etc. if you make a new choice about how you want to live your life.
You already know what you need to do - you're just afraid. You never, ever thought you would be one of THOSE people. Think of it this way: if you do what your heart is telling you, your husband will actually be happy, because he'll have something new to complain about!
On the other hand, you are free to choose to stay in this relationship and try to find better balance in it. I know that's not the ideal choice, but it's still a choice. No one can tell you what to do - you have to choose on your own. You can try to not allow your husband's misery to affect your own inner world.
You know what your gut is saying, and you know where you are being led. You have these visions of sunsets in deserts and sunrises on snow-covered mountains. You also know we choose our own futures for the most part.
You deserve to wrap this fabulous lifetime up in ways that make you truly happy. I wish you the ability to clearly hear what your own spirit is saying to you.
*****
Astrea:
At your stage of life, it isn't easy to pick up and leave your family and all you've built together over the years. Your generation and mine (which is right behind yours) have faced some serious questions of faith.
Instead of opening up to his own spirituality as you and I have, your husband has denied it throughout his life. He neither wants to acknowledge Spirit nor make the effort to get to know the God within him.
It was easy when he was younger because he was busy. It was much easier for him to think that it didn't matter while he was working to support his family. Anything that seemed silly or unreal to him could be pushed aside as long as he didn't have to sit and think about it.
Now that he's older and he MUST begin to consider the inevitable, he's cross and resentful of anyone who has things like this figured out for themselves.
Instead of facing these heavy questions, he chooses to get lost in the television and be grumpy and cold. He has all sorts of time now to think about things, so when he feels something heavy, he tries to distract himself.
I'm sure he was never a very outwardly emotional person, and the older he gets, the more difficult it becomes for him to transition from being centered in the body to centered in the soul.
Since he's happy to stay parked in front of the television, you might try to expose him to spiritual programs and movies. I'm not suggesting he would tolerate something overt, but there are lots of shows and movies with subtle spiritual elements in them now.
Since he spends so much time watching TV, chances are you have enough channels that you could find something like this a few times a day. If he's surfing the internet, you could show him some of the sites that you visit and see if that gets his interest going.
I'm so sorry that you've spent your life with him, and instead of the companion you believed he'd be, he's now an old grump and a miserable person to be around.
It's fear that makes him this way. Fear of what might happen can be crippling, so he's escaping into the TV and the computer. Some people can live that way and be perfectly content, but obviously he's not one of them.
He doesn't know how to access what you have because he's never really tried to. If he won't talk to you about it, see if he'll speak to someone who can get him to open up, like a counselor or perhaps your family doctor.
Many wives in our generation are living with these sorts of guys, and we can use all the support we can get, so before you tear yourself away from all you have at home, seek help with working all of this out in your community or your church of choice.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.