My husband of 10 years and I recently divorced. We still love each other, and I would take him back in an instant, but he says he doesn't want me anymore. Other times, however, he has said that he can't be with me right now. I just can't let go because I feel this strong sense of love from him. It feels like he is fighting and denying his real feelings for me. Do you think this is just wishful thinking on my part, or am I perhaps psychically sensing his true feelings? We divorced because he thought I was unfaithful, but I was not. He has built this up in his head, however, and no matter what I say, he just won't believe me. This all started from rumors in our small town that escalated. I just don't know what to do. I know I love him with all my heart, and that he is my soul mate. Can you please help me make heads or tails of this?
- Dorothy
Astrea:
To be honest, most of the time when I'm told by someone that they're sensing another person's true feelings,
I shut down. When one person tells another that he doesn't want to be with her, it usually means he doesn't want to be with her. When he says he can't be with her right now,
that's just a nice way of saying he doesn't want to be with her ever again.
This time is different, and refreshingly so. You're right: You are NOT imagining things. Your husband has those deep feelings of love for you, and he wants to be with you. He misses you just as you do him. He wishes every day that things were different.
He wants you to get back together, but there are a couple of things preventing that. You're picking up on his true feelings, but he can't act on them because of his pride and his family's perception of you as a cheater.
What can you do? First find out how to go about scheduling a polygraph (lie detector test) so that you can prove that you weren't unfaithful. Surprising (and crazy) as it may be, some people believe science over love every time. Your husband may be one of those people.
Unless he's said, I wouldn't even believe you if you took a lie detector test!
he will be open to the idea. His family would certainly change their opinion of you if they were given the results of the test to read for themselves.
It might be expensive, but you'd get your husband back and your family would be reunited forever, so I say it would be well worth whatever it costs.
Since you are living in a small town, after the test is completed and interpreted, it might be worth a little time to compose a letter to the editor of the local town newspaper. Without naming names (but certainly signing your OWN name) you could do a piece on how lies, rumors and gossip destroy families.
I'm sure your local editor would print this for you. Since your business seems to be in the street anyway, you can use this to say that you passed a polygraph test before your friends and family would believe you were telling the truth. Of course, if getting your husband back is your only objective, you don't have to do that, but perhaps you could help another person who is being wrongly accused of doing something he or she hasn't done.
When I was in the first grade, my teacher, Mrs. Jackson, taught us a little song: Gossip, gossip, evil thing! Much unhappiness it brings! If you can't say something nice, don't talk at all is my advice!
I'm thinking the people who live in your small town should learn this little ditty.
*****
Susyn:
I know this must be a frustrating situation for you, as you're pulled between your deep feelings of love and the mixed messages your husband seems to be sending you.
The main issue here seems to be a matter of trust. If your husband couldn't trust your words over the gossip of a small town, and if he continues to cite this as the reason he can't come back to you, there's a chance that he himself was the one who was unfaithful.
Either way, this is not going to be resolved through long discussions and attempts to convince him to come home. If that worked, you wouldn't be divorced right now.
You may be correct in sensing that the love in this relationship is still there, but the most effective way to find out for sure is to step back from the confusion and heartache and approach things in a completely different way.
One of the quickest ways to change another person's mind or actions is to change what you are doing. If you are constantly calling or writing or wanting to connect to discuss things, please stop! Distance and silence will get his attention much faster.
Unless you need to discuss business like money, child support or legal matters, there is no need to be in contact with him. Though this may sound harsh, just keep in mind that what you have been doing simply isn't working.
Instead of chasing him, start to put your own life in order: take a class, exercise more, fill your world with friends and activities, and let the matter of your marriage sit for a while.
I can assure you that if you do this and the love between you and your ex-husband is still there, you will hear from him shortly. He'll want to know what you're up to.
This is a good sign, and at this point, I would recommend you be vague, brief and try not to give him too much information, because if he knows what you are doing on a regular basis, he'll relax and not worry about you, and he won't take any action to reconnect.
I not promoting manipulation or game-playing here, but I will say that until you can restore your own spirit, well-being, and sense of personal power, this merry-go-round you are on will go on indefinitely.
If you do this and your ex-husband doesn't come around, you've got a head start on building a new life and recreating yourself so that you can attract a healthy new love if that is your heart's desire.
So please don't spend any more time playing let's-make-a-deal with your ex. If his love for you is true, then as soon as you start really living your life, he'll realize that he better rise to the occasion or risk losing you to someone else.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.