For many years, I lived a very happy and blessed life. Then about four years ago, one thing after another started to go wrong. First my mother died, then my father met and married a new woman and they moved far away and now have nothing to do with the rest of the family, which has really broken our hearts. I've suffered some strange health problems, am going through a financial crisis, and nothing that I used to do in terms of praying and manifesting seems to be working. I think I may be going through a so-called crisis of faith, for I'm definitely wondering if all the good things I used to believe about life and the Universe and how we have the ability to create our own realities were ever true. Why is all of this happening? Do you believe that we go through hard times as spiritual tests? If so, how do I handle all of this? Do I have any power to influence what is happening in order to break free of it, or do I just have to ride it out?
Your letter doesn't surprise me, for most of us - myself included - experience a difficult cycle at some point or other in our lives. You didn't mention your birth date or age; it would be helpful to have that information to determine if what you've been going through is astrologically driven.
This influence could involve Pluto (the planet of karma), Saturn (the planet of limits), or Mars (the planet of movement). These three planets generate cycles that can last two to four years and create just the sorts of experiences you've been struggling with. You may want to consider having an astrological reading to determine if these cycles are in play, when they began and - perhaps most importantly - when they will start to clear. Clearer understanding of how the stars may be influencing your life would be helpful for lots of reasons. For one thing, it would reassure you that you are not the cause of these problems, and that they are part of a bigger picture and higher plan.
When moving through a phase like this, there are a number of things to keep in mind. First, you are being challenged to change your thinking. Because these events came in one after another, they are probably all mixed together in your mind. It is never easy to lose a loved one, so I imagine your mother's passing was really devastating. Although she is always near you, losing someone we love dearly often challenges us to grow in very intense ways. Hopefully, her passing has helped you develop greater spiritual awareness of life as well as death.
Regarding your father and your manifesting skills, you are learning the lesson of powerlessness. When I tune in to your father, I sense that his reluctance to be around you and the rest of the family is arising from knowing but not wanting to face that what he is doing is wrong. You can't control his actions now, but you can take heart in knowing that later down the road, your connection will be restored. As in any cycle of loss and rebirth generated by Pluto, he will come back after learning his own karmic lessons.
Finally, remember that it is easy to have faith when things are going well. It is not that the Universe wants to dump heartbreak upon you, but rather that you need to grow stronger in your faith and resilience. If you look back on other times in your life when loss and disappointment came your way, it should be a bit easier to see that eventually, everything worked out so that you were aligned with your perfect path.
I can assure you that the crises you are dealing with will cycle around once this phase of your spiritual testing is complete, and in the long run, you will find yourself in a much better place for all of this.
When things unfold as we hope they will, it's easy to feel happy and spiritual; it's when circumstances take unexpected turns that our spirituality is really put to the test! The challenges we encounter in life bless us with just what we need in order to grow spiritually and strengthen our values and identity.
I'm sorry for your suffering, and want you to know that you can significantly reduce your pain by changing your perspective. When you describe a situation as something you must
ride out or
break free of, you're declaring it to be negative and oppressive. By viewing this as something awful that you must endure, you're forgetting that there are no happy endings to unhappy journeys. You cannot BECOME happy; you can only BE happy now. I recommend you welcome and embrace your situation, and choose to trust that there are gifts, lessons and blessings in there somewhere. If they aren't clear to you, you might pray for help in discovering them.
Let's redefine the events you've been experiencing from
natural. It was your mother's time to transform. Your father may have survived his devastating loss by distracting himself with a new relationship and dissociating himself from anyone who reminded him of your mother. Try to muster compassion for him. Many men have a hard time processing their emotions; indeed, a number of men die shortly after their wives do because they are so bereft.
If you haven't already, consider letting your father know how much you love him and how much you welcome his return to your world when the time is right for him. It is possible that he is mentally stuck in a perspective very similar to your own:
New love enabled me to go on living, but my children have rejected me and my new companion. Choose to be happy for your father. Welcome him and his new spouse. See his desire to pair up again as a tribute to what he shared with your mother, rather than a rejection of her.
Health problems can be a wakeup call to healthier living, so give thanks for your symptoms, and welcome this opportunity to make adjustments to your diet and routine. A financial crisis can alert us that our career path no longer fits. This may be the time to simplify, downsize and reexamine your core values and life purpose. Usually, second careers prove to be more meaningful and service-oriented than first ones.
Prayer and the Law of Attraction may not be working if you are overlooking the multitude of blessings in your world. If you maintain the belief that everything has gone wrong, you can only manifest more wrong, but if you identify the ways that things have gone right, more blessings are sure to flow in.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.