Double Vision: Is infidelity ever forgivable?

Is infidelity ever forgivable? Two weeks have passed since my Aries man broke my heart. We had been in a seemingly wonderful relationship for eight years when this happened. I am shocked at some behavior I've never "noticed" before, and am finding it difficult to understand. I'm also an Aries, but I have a very strong set of moral values for myself and those I am involved with. When should you forgive such a betrayal? My intellect tells me not to self-sabotage by forgiving him and taking him back, but my heart aches. I would love to hear your spiritual perspective on this.

- Kerin


Spiritually, the answer is always to forgive. You know that. Forgiveness is one of the huge spiritual lessons that we were put on this earth to learn. Sometimes it is very easy to forgive someone, like when they run into the back of your heel with their grocery cart. Other times it is incredibly hard, like when they cheat on you after eight years. Regardless of how difficult it may be, forgiveness is something that each soul has to learn and put into practice.

Infidelity in a relationship is a sign of lack. Your man feels he is lacking something. If you want him back in your life, you two need to start to open up better lines of communication. You need to find out what he felt he was lacking, and find out if you can give that to him or not.

He needs to answer some hard questions. Ask him if he is truly happy in this relationship and if he is still in love with you. If he answers "no" to either of these questions, then you need to end the relationship. If he truly is remorseful and wants to restore this relationship into something wonderful, then you two better start talking.

The best way to deal with trauma is full disclosure. You were traumatized when you found out all that you did. You need to be able to ask him ANYTHING about his affair, and he needs to give you full disclosure. He needs to answer each and every question that you have. If you want to know if her feet stank, you can ask that, and he needs to answer it.

You think that it's your "intellect" or logic that is telling you that taking him back would be self-sabotage. It's not - that is fear talking. You are afraid that he is going to cheat again, that you will look like a fool for going back to him, and that you are setting yourself up for more heartache.

Kerin, if he is truly remorseful and wants to work on the relationship, it can actually make your relationship stronger. He is not lying to you about it. He is coming clean. There is something to be said for that. We all make mistakes. He just happened to make one that hurt you.

If you do choose to forgive him and work on this relationship, you can't just say you forgive him and then throw out little comments on a daily basis about what he did, or harbor all this anger and fear in your heart.

One of the definitions for "forgive" is "to renounce anger or resentment against." For you to TRULY forgive him, you have to renounce anger and resentment against him. You REALLY have to forgive him, put it in the past, work on creating a new and better relationship with him in the future, and trust that he is being honest and open with you. It is up to you now.

I wish you an obvious path.



I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer this betrayal. It's very difficult to find a spiritual perspective on infidelity.

Sometimes infidelity is born of a selfish outlook and a simple desire to be entertained. Sometimes a person who betrays another in a long-term relationship is having problems in other areas of his or her life and is just "acting out." In that instance, cheating could be a cry for help. Often the excuse is that the cheater was not getting the love and understanding from their partner that they needed. Most of the time, however, infidelity stems from boredom and a need to feel in control.

Lasting relationships need open and honest communication, and for some reason, you two stopped really talking. Neither of you communicated the little problems that must have come up as the years went by. By the time he cheated, the two of you had VERY different perceptions of your relationship.

Towards the end, he felt he didn't know you at all, and you say that you are now "noticing" things about him you never did before. You grew apart and he began to stray. At his weakest point, some woman found him and was nice to him, and he fell for her. I'm sure he regrets hurting you, but at the time, it made him feel powerful and in control of his own life again. For the first time in a long time, he felt "like a man."

Can you forgive him? You must! If you don't, it will slowly eat your heart up so that you will never be able to love or trust anyone else again. It will take a while. It will take meditation, counseling and prayer, but you have to find forgiveness in your heart for him AND FOR YOURSELF.

Can you stay with him? If he agrees to go to counseling to discover WHAT HAPPENED to trigger this behavior, yes you can, but I caution you that once someone has done something like this, they often do it again and again, and you do not want to give him permission to put you through this pain again.

I honestly don't know what I would do in your shoes. I would like to think I could leave that person behind and take back my power. We all would. I do know that, like you, I would blame myself for the betrayal, and wonder what I could have done to prevent it. Fire Signs do that. We take things INTO ourselves.

If the two of you can learn to TALK to each other again, things can be good again. He is absolutely as miserable as you are about this. Before you put him out of your life, give yourselves the chance to rediscover one another via counseling and communication. After eight years, you owe each other that much. If you've both changed too much to be together, FIND OUT together and move on from there.


Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.