I have been working for a while to integrate some of the darker aspects of my psyche and become a more balanced person. Recent developments have added more urgency to this. I do a lot of remote energy healing for close friends who have asked for my assistance. I do most of this work out on my deck at night. It seems to help to be near nature, and the quiet of the night allows me to let down and relax. When I facilitate a healing, itís like a form of astral projection. I go where I'm needed and assess and address any problem areas while maintaining contact with whichever archangel chooses to guide me. (This is how I ensure my actions are in the best interests of the client.) Sometimes when I venture forth in this manner, my energy is different. I am super confident and many voices travel with me. I get the sense that they are all part of me somehow and I am not afraid of them. During these times, I am very powerful and my healings are particularly effective, however, I have to be extra diligent and verify each step with my guides as I am less scrupulous. I am guessing that this wild energy is a darker aspect of myself and am eager to safely integrate this to become a more balanced person. I would also like to prevent any wild cards from popping up during my energy work that might adversely affect a client. I would appreciate any input or suggestions you might have. Thank you!
How wonderful that you have advanced to this level of spiritual healing work. Your ability to assess and address problems and astral project your energy to help others is a rare gift, so it's understandable that you would want to be sure you are performing at the highest level possible.
While you refer to the wild energy as a
darker aspect of yourself, my sense is that your greatest challenge is to identify when ego tries to interfere with your spiritual aims. Spiritual work often produces euphoric energy. This naturally creates the desire to experience that euphoria again and again, so what you describe is a common struggle.
You mention that you are diligent in remembering to verify each step of your healing process with your guides. This is the key to making sure your work is of the highest caliber; it will also allow you to monitor what's happening and separate out any aspects of your self that might interfere with your healing work.
As for how to integrate these darker aspects of yourself, in my experience, it's not so much about integrating all aspects of ourselves, both dark and light, but more about setting up boundaries so all parts of ourselves can remain whole but also be accessed separately as needed. Just as we refrain from bringing our personal lives into the work place or mixing certain foods together, we can enjoy all aspects of ourselves without combining them. Sometimes, it isn't even wise to integrate them all because doing so may do more harm than good.
Awareness is half the battle; the more cognizant we are of what we are doing and on what level we are performing, the more powerful our efforts become. Willingness is the other half of the battle. If we come across darker energy or realize that our egos are displacing spirit, we have to be willing to face that truth so we can change our approach and redirect our focus.
My sense is that the wild energy you are experiencing is necessary to the work you do and not harmful to you or your clients. I would only be concerned if you were to stop checking in with your guides or begin to operate under the delusion that you are doing the healing yourself instead of acting as a channel for Spirit.
As you continue to evolve in your healing work, areas of your personality you consider dark will begin to transform naturally. It is important to have a healthy ego and confidence in order to do your work. The only time it becomes
dark is when it is out of balance with other parts of yourself. I feel that you are on the right path and needn't worry about working against yourself as long as you continue to bring your guides with you when you perform your healing work.
Good for you for being committed to ongoing self-examination; it is critical for healers to do what you're doing so that personal issues donít interfere with their clients' welfare.
We all have many aspects of Self, which are like facets on a crystal. Integration means our parts work together as a team, like an inner United Nations. If some part of us was unacceptable to the family we grew up in (for example, our creative part), we may
disown it. Our job as adults is to reclaim any lost parts.
An extreme example of internal separation is found in Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder), where parts have little to no awareness of each other. In isolation, parts can develop into full-blown personalities known as alters. The goal of treatment is to introduce them to each other and unify them.
For most of us, personality parts are separated by chain link fences, not walls, and they communicate through inner dialogue. When the
impulsive child craves brownies, the
critical parent may scold and lecture about junk food while the rational
peacemaker may settle the matter by choosing ONE brownie instead of a dozen. However, if our impulsive child is ignored or shunned, it may sometimes take over and go on a binge!
While you sense that these emerging voices may be helping you in your work, since you don't know them very well, you naturally feel a need to vigilantly oversee them. The fact that you feel less scrupulous when you allow them to participate indicates that you are struggling to meet your own highest standards for integrity.
You refer to your newly discovered parts as wild and dark. Shadow parts are those we reject or remain unaware of. Left to their own devices, they can be destructive, but when working in tandem with other parts (such as your own sense of integrity), they can bring special gifts to the table. For example, on its own, our anger can be destructive, but when cooperating with positive, patient and goal-oriented parts, our anger can be transmuted into strength, self-preservation and wise choices.
While you are getting more familiar with the newest members of your inner team, I think you'd be wise to keep them on the sidelines. A therapist trained in Voice Dialogue may be particularly helpful to you at this time. Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone developed this technique, which enables
sub-personalities to meet, greet and work together. You can learn more about this approach online.
With continued personal work, you will have a more unified, qualified
group of selves, at which point you will more power as a healer and greater inner peace.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.