I always have felt as if my mother is not my real mother. In fact, I have gone so far as to actually ask my father about it. He assured me that she is in fact my real mother. I also think she dabbles in black magick and has placed spells on me and my father but not my other siblings. Over the years I have gone through a number of hardships and always felt like I had to cross water to stop her influence over me. Please advise me. I have been troubled by this for years. Thank you.
Since you've verified that your mother is indeed your true parent, your feelings that something is amiss suggest a past life trauma has carried over into your current life situation. It's highly likely that the woman who is your mother in this lifetime was an adversary in a past life. Your sense that she is placing spells on you and your father also suggests that something is amiss. You may be remembering her as a person you knew in a past life who did indeed practice black magick.
Either way, it seems past life experiences are interfering with your ability to have a happy current life. People don't automatically change their behavior when they reincarnate. Even if she isn't actually holding power over you now, she definitely did in a past life. It may have been so devastating that you are still carrying traumatic memories. This can cause you to recreate the circumstances you once found yourself in. Like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, traumatic past lives can generate disabling conditions.
Your first step should be to investigate this with a psychic who specializes in past life readings. Make an appointment and learn as much as you can about this past life. In the process, you'll see many similarities between the past and the present. Ask about your mother's influence over you and your father. Once you've established what actually happened in the past, you can begin the process of ridding yourself of the hold she has over you.
Information is power. In this case, gathering evidence about your past lives together can explain why you feel the way you do about your mother. Oftentimes when a person feels that a parent is not their true parent, it's found that they were kidnapped in a past life or had to deal with a difficult step-parent. You might wonder why you chose her as your mother this lifetime. Usually such choices are designed to release old karma or learn lessons we were unable to learn last time around.
I also recommend performing a freezing ritual on your mother. (You can find this under the Spiritual Tools tab of Kajama.com.) This won't directly harm your mother but it will prevent her from holding power over you.
Once you can separate these two lifetimes, you'll be able to move more freely, and won't have to distance yourself from the rest of the family. You should also start to see your life improve in significant ways.
While it may be tempting to blame your mother for your struggles in life, this outlook does not really serve you. When we are children, our parents have power over us; as adults, no one has power over us unless we turn it over to them.
Many people choose not to make the mental transition from powerless childhood to empowered adulthood because along with power comes responsibility. Some people prefer to see themselves as helpless victims rather than embrace the virtues of discipline, courage and integrity.
It is common for people to question whether they share a biological connection with a parent if they are very different from that parent, or when the parent is not someone they wish to emulate. Like physical traits, many personality traits are genetic. Each parent carries two genes per trait. One may be dominant (obvious); the other may be recessive (unexpressed).
Each pair of genes splits apart during cell division and reproduction. Mother's egg and father's sperm combine to form a new person with a unique set of genes and characteristics. It is possible to look and behave very differently from either parent, though you may find your traits further back in the family tree.
Parents do not have to practice black magick to emit destructive energy that squashes the creative life force of their children. Your mother may suffer from narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. These rigid people are challenging to deal with, as they cannot see another person's point of view and tend to operate from self-interest. You can learn to identify and avoid such people, or learn to set firm boundaries with them.
Identify at least one positive about your mother. Scour your memories for some nice thing she did for you or taught you, because it will empower you to see her as a human being with strengths and weaknesses rather than a scary monster. Identify at least one negative trait in your father. Although he may appear to be her innocent victim, it always takes two to tango, so he probably played a part in her distress. Your mother may even have felt jealous of the relationship between her husband and you.
You can choose to take responsibility for your well-being and let your big light shine, or you can continue hiding in the shadows. The fact that you wrote in suggests you may be ready to take your first brave step! You deserve support; I believe you would benefit from counseling as you embark upon this important and meaningful journey.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.