My husband is an alcoholic who has been going through rehab and detox for the past two months. We separated in November because of his alcohol abuse. The goal was for him to work on his sobriety, and once he was sober for 30 days, he could go home. He's had a number of relapses, however, and that goal has now been made 60 days of sobriety. I have tried my best to be supportive throughout the years that his alcoholism has affected my life and our daughter's life. With this most recent period of treatment however, I just feel so angry and frustrated that it's overwhelming. We're heading out right now to a group session at his treatment facility, but it's so hard to focus all our attention on him yet again, for that is where our focus has been for so long. While I love my husband, I feel I need to help my daughter and myself to release all of this anger, frustration and other emotional baggage so we can move on - with or without him. Where do we start?
Dreamchaser:
Living with an alcoholic or drug addict is incredibly difficult. We all need some consistency and stability at home. You and your daughter have had next to none of that.
I completely understand that you feel the attention has been put on him because he has the sickness and needs the treatment. You and your daughter, however, are the innocent victims of his disease. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be hurt. You and your daughter should allow yourselves the right to fully feel those emotions. By fully feeling them, you own them, and then you decide what to do with them from that point on.
I know you said you are going to group sessions to help him. Have you and your daughter been to Al-Anon or Alateen by any chance? Al-Anon/ Alateen is a group formed of families and loved ones of alcoholics and addicts. In that place, the attention would be SOLELY focused on you and your daughter - NOT on your husband. You could have people who have shared many of your struggles helping you and guiding you. I suggest you call them. The number in the United States is 1-800-425-2666. If you would prefer, please go to their website at www.al-anon.alateen.org. You can find international listings there as well.
While this may not make you feel better, I really do believe your husband is trying to do his best right now. He never believed you would leave him. While you have been threatening for years, you never did. When you actually DID leave him, he realized he was about to lose the only people who really love him no matter what. That scared him, and now he is serious about getting treatment and becoming a better person for you two.
I feel you need to wait until he has completed the latest round of treatment and see how his behavior is at that point before you decide if you want to divorce him or not. I really believe that you should not subject your daughter to any more of his drinking or his behavior while he is drinking, however. If he does not stay sober this time, you should continue on with the divorce proceedings.
Your daughter should be your primary concern at this point. There are a great number of books available that were written by children who grew up in homes with an alcoholic or drug-addicted parent. At this point, she still has a chance of repairing some of the damage he has caused and going on to live a healthy, productive life. She cannot, however, continue to be subjected to his sickness if he chooses to start drinking again.
Listen to your daughter. She has said all of this to you herself.
I wish you and your family a very happy ending.
*****
Astrea:
I applaud your efforts to stand by your husband and keep your family together, but we all reach our limit eventually. While Cancers are the most tolerant Sign, I feel you've reached the end of your rope.
It's time for you to save yourself and your daughter before it's too late. Your husband may quit drinking someday, and then you may be able to be friends. Right now you have to SURVIVE, as does your daughter. This bouncing in and out of rehab with him isn't helping you OR your daughter. It's time for the two of you to move on. If he is strong enough to overcome his illness, then he will. If not, you've done your best.
You have a tendency to take the blame for others' actions. INTELLECTUALLY you know none of this if your fault, but you still seem to have a lot of guilt about your husband's drinking. Because of his family and even his DNA, he is predisposed to chemical dependency.
He's going to have to find his own way out of this. Nothing you or your daughter can do will force him to change. He has to WANT it more than anything else in the world. Maybe if you and your daughter leave him, it will give him the strength to want to change - maybe not. Your daughter has her whole life ahead of her, and so do you. It's time you enjoyed better lives.
Your daughter is at a very impressionable age. She could SO EASILY become her dad if you don't get her out of this situation. You are at an age when you can ENJOY your life instead of babysitting someone who has continual relapses. Addiction is a horrible thing, and Air Signs are the most likely to hold on to an addiction for life.
I know you feel sorry for your husband, but enough is enough. You've been the best wife you could possibly be in this situation, but you have a right to some happiness too.
He has to find his strength within to conquer this addiction. You can still love and care about him, but the time will come when you'll have to do what's best for you and your daughter. Let Spirit guide you in to the future.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.