Double Vision: Healer Is In Pain

After years of paying a lot of money for healing work on myself, I still find human interaction exhausting. I consider myself a healer and an artist but struggle to find enough confidence to live my purpose. Self-doubt and a cursed feeling keep haunting me. This leads to frequent depression. I feel like life is passing me by. I suffer from lots of aches and pains, especially joint and digestive problems, which I understand are a result of me not connecting to and digesting life. Other people's energy fields drain me easily, even if I go to great lengths to protect myself. I find it best to live a reclusive lifestyle, which is not always possible as a wife and mother of three kids. I often experience anger and feel misunderstood and out of place as if I do not belong anywhere. I crave higher wisdom but it is as if I am being kept from attaining it. Is it possible for you to see if all of these problems are only in my own mind or if there is maybe an outside source causing them? I find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, and find life very difficult and confusing. I would really like to master my own being and be part of healing the Earth. My sun sign is Cancer. I thank you and bless you.



Cancer is one of the more sensitive, psychic signs of the zodiac. As a Cancer, you are ruled by your emotions and may find it difficult to discover your place in the world. Cancers are wonderful caregivers and nurturers. Since they pick up the energy and emotions of others quite easily, when they are exposed to too much stimulation, they tend to feel overwhelmed.

Those born under this sign are more likely to suffer from depression and a lack of self-confidence than any other sign. This in itself can lead to feelings of anger and not belonging in the world. Once you are aware of the challenges and gifts of being a Cancer, you will be able to sidestep these issues and return to living a joyful, fulfilling life.

While I agree that your health issues are emotionally based, they are also the result of not living authentically in the world. Instead of fighting it, I think you should embrace your need for solitude and reserve at least one hour a day just for you. This may be challenging with small children around, so you may have to work your schedule around their naps or school hours.

Once you have established this time for yourself, start the hour with a calming meditation. If possible, create a small altar and adorn it with candles, incense and objects that bring you joy. Include a water feature such as a fountain along with healing stones from the earth such as agates or geodes. (You can buy a special crystal bowl to fill with water if that suits your space better.)

Light the candles and incense and relax. When you are out of balance, the candles will revive your energy and reignite your passion. The incense will clear your mind of worries and generate self-confidence. The water bowl or fountain will restore your sense of emotional balance, while prayer beads or the grounding stones on your altar can be held to center yourself.

Once you are relaxed, spend some time visualizing a protective force field around you. This is essential for sensitive souls who tend to absorb energy from the people around them. If you practice this on a daily basis, you'll soon see your inner calm reflected in the people around you, especially your children.

Sitting in silence will bring the inner wisdom and guidance you crave. Within a week, you should notice that you're receiving more inspiration, and are feeling less angry and frustrated simply because you are now giving yourself time to connect with Spirit.


Mata Maya:

In my opinion, these problems are indeed in your mind; there is no outside source causing them. Of course, I feel this is true of all emotional and spiritual issues, for how we feel is entirely an inside job.

The main thing you need in order to feel the way you want to feel is awareness of your power to create your own reality and mastery of the ability to set your own tone. This is true of all psychic sensitives who feel like they are at the mercy of the energies and people around them. It's also an essential trait of a skilled healer.

You've been living like a fragile, delicate house of cards: Every time someone bumps into your foundation or a breeze picks up, you're left shaken and out of sorts. This causes you all sorts of distress and anxiety, and naturally makes you want to protect yourself by hiding away from the world.

To feel at ease and comfortable in the world, you'll want to grow from being like that house of cards to being like an ancient, beautiful temple: peaceful and lovely on the inside but strong enough to withstand all sorts of weather. This is the power of spiritual practice: when we cultivate peace and equanimity on the inside, we can ride out life's inevitable storms in a dry, safe, comfortable place, and even become a haven of spiritual comfort and sustenance for others.

I'd like you to imagine a wise old Buddhist monk with a perpetual smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye. No matter what is happening around him, he remains calm and contented. In fact, he transforms the world around him with his extraordinary centeredness. When he enters a room, everyone naturally shifts into a higher vibration and starts to see things from a spiritual perspective, so peace and divine magic follow him wherever he goes.

The key to his quiet power is his habit of setting his own tone and maintaining an extraordinarily high vibration regardless of what is happening around him. To cultivate this peaceful power, I encourage you to study the law of attraction, engage in regular spiritual practice like meditation, and continue to work on resolving the personal issues that plague you.

It is also imperative that you know how to do all of this if you are going to be healing other people so that you can lift them into greater well-being instead of being pulled into their distress. I encourage you to heal yourself before attempting to help others, dear one, both for their sake and your own.


Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.