Double Vision: Feels Guilty about Moving On after Wife's Death

1pondering-life

Last year I lost the love of my life to brain cancer. We shared 18 wonderful years together, and we were sure we had been together in previous lives. (A psychic told us this was our fourteenth life together.) It was extremely difficult to watch her go from a vision of health and happiness to her death bed in 50 short weeks. She died in my arms, at home. Recently I met the most amazing woman: she's kind, patient and compassionate, yet I can't help feeling like I'm "cheating" on my deceased wife. If I allow myself to fall in love with this new woman, what will happen when we all cross over? Will my wife feel betrayed? I'm 49 years old and feel like I have so much more life to live. My birthday is Dec. 27,1956. I am a Capricorn.

 Rick

Dreamchaser:

I want to thank you for having the courage to open up and ask about this in this forum. Your wife loved you with all her being, just as you loved her. You shared a wonderful marriage. She was fortunate to have you with her at the end of her life, to love her out of this world and into the next. She is gone from this world in body now, and she will not come back to this world during your lifetime.

Your wife does not want you to be without love; she wants you to grab onto any chance you have at love with both hands. She wants you to use every day you spend on earth to love, laugh and live life to the fullest. In the wake of her passing, she wants you to be even more grateful for your own gift of life.

There is no sadness or jealousy on her part because you have found someone who is alive on this plane to love. Your wife is happy for you. You are not cheating on her, and she wants you to know that.

She knows you would never cause her pain, and while she appreciates your concern for her feelings, she says you are being "ridiculous" (her word) for not allowing yourself to fully embrace this new love in your life.

On the other side there is no ego, fear, doubt, hatred, anger, jealousy or any other emotion. She will not feel betrayed by you for finding new love while you are still living. She wants it and expects it. She also hopes for it for you. She has even done her part to arrange things so that you could find this new woman and create new love in your life. You   have a lot of life left to live, and your wife wants you to enjoy it to the fullest.

When you all cross over, there will not be a cat fight followed by slamming of the golden gates. There will be nothing but pure love and joy. I know it is hard for you to fathom loving someone else as much as you loved your wife. She was truly a wonderful woman and you were blessed to have her love in your life.

You can love again, Rick; you simply have to choose it. You are not doing something wrong or bad by allowing someone new into your life and heart. Your wife has been making comments throughout this process, so if you don't mind, I am going to give her the floor for a moment. She says:

"Rick, honey, I am dead. I am not coming back. So it is okay if you want to have another woman around. I told you all about this when I was leaving your world.  You said you understood. You promised me. It really is okay. Besides, I like her. She's good to you and she's a genuinely nice person. Don't mess this up."

I wish you happiness on this new path!

*****

Astrea:

Rick, you are a dear and wonderful person, and your wife wants you to be happy and to have someone good in your life. I know how hard it is for you to get past her death, but she's past it, and she's getting impatient for you to get on with your life as well. She's in heaven and she would like to be able to enjoy herself now that she's no longer sick.

Who do you suppose sent this person to you? She did. She doesn't feel cheated, betrayed or anything of the kind. She tells me she was so happy when you finally "got it" that you might be able to love this girl, but that you're so stubborn. (I'm sure she means that in the nicest way).

She's concerned that you won't give this relationship the time and energy to make it all it could be. "Everything is so black or white to Rick," she tells me. (I'm sure, with your birthday, that's true!)

I know no one could truly replace her, but Capricorns have huge and open hearts, and there is enough love in there for you to love again. She absolutely does not want you to be alone. She says you don't know how to take care of yourself when you're alone, and she worked too hard to make you happy while she was with you to see that all go down the drain now.

In fact, I'm supposed to tell you that she is "highly irritated" with you for not moving this along. "Get this show on the road!" she says to me. "I know he would never cheat on me, but I am not there!" She's tried to come to you to tell you this in dreams, but she says that like most Capricorns, things like that disturb you. Instead of frightening you or making things worse, she says she's trying to stay in the background.

The complications you mention about being in heaven with more than one lover don't seem to bother people who have crossed over. While I can't tell you what actually takes place to make that all okay, I know it is all okay. She says that's all been taken care of.

She appreciates your thoughtfulness, but she wants you to move forward. She's concerned this girl will get tired of waiting and go looking for someone else, so the time to move on this is now. You want to be happy and the girl wants to be happy and your wife wants you to be happy so she can move on herself. It's going to be quite a long time before you join her, and she has much to do in the mean time.

She wants me to tell you that the puppy you loved and lost is right there with her, sitting in her lap, and she also wants you to change the music you're playing in the car, because it's making you way too upset!

She was a firecracker, that one! I can see why you miss her so.