Does everything happen for a reason? Are there ever times when we just hit a patch of bad luck, and just need to take it for that? I always try look for the lessons to be learned from my experiences, both good and bad. Usually, I can see that things worked out for the best, and try not to repeat past mistakes. However, I really can’t see the point of my last relationship. I’ve dated less than nice guys my whole life, and I finally found someone who was very sweet to me. In the end, he chose his career over me, and I am still heartbroken. We got along wonderfully. This is his first big job out of grad school, so I can understand why he may not be ready to settle down. Also, he had a very bad experience with a previous long distance relationship. I have a lot of things going on in my life now, with starting a business and having to relocate, and thinking about him is the last thing I need. I was doing just fine before I met him, so I guess I’m still trying to figure out why he had to come into my life. Could this be just something that happened randomly that I need to forget about? Thanks for listening!
Evelyn
Dreamchaser:
My personal opinion, Evelyn, is that everything does happen for a reason. I have been in this line of work for way too long to not believe that. You say that you have “dated less than nice guys your whole life.” That happened simply because you did not demand a man with better character.
We could go back to your childhood and rehash all the reasons you are this way, but you already know all of that. So you would accept less than desirable men, thinking that if you could get them to change, then you were truly a woman to be valued.
Somewhere in all of that, you learned to value yourself. This man is proof that you are finally allowing a better type of person into your life. He was so good in so many ways. He did things that you thought only happened to other women or in movies or books. You discovered ways that you did not know you could feel. He treated you better than anyone has yet. He was not, however, perfect for you.
I know at this point you think he is, but as you said, sometimes when we look back, we see things differently. You will look back on him and see that he was indeed the catalyst of a new way of living and dating for you. He is not, however, who you are meant to spend your whole life with. I know that is very hard to hear now, but I do not want you to look at the negative side of this. Look at the positive side.
If he is not the one you are meant to spend your life with, then that must mean someone even better is coming, correct? You are correct; there is someone coming. I do not want you to close up for fear of further pain. I want you to stay open and expect even better love. This time you want to manifest someone who is not afraid of relationships and commitment, and who is ready for a give and take, loving relationship. This guy that you have been with is a wonderful, loving man, but he still has some issues of his own. He did, however, show you that you could have more than you have had in the past.
Your whole life is busting open for lack of a better term. You are going to start reaping rewards for your efforts. You feel like you have not yet been duly compensated for all of your hard work in this life. Well, hang on, girl. It is all going to start flowing in now. There is not one single area of your life that is not going to be blessed with abundance. I want you to get into acceptance mode. Also, do not forget to say thank you to God/spirit/universe/ Allah – whatever term you prefer.
I wish you fulfillment.
*****
Astrea:
Everything does happen for a reason because we choose for it to. Being with this latest guy was just a choice you made at the time he came into your life. No big destiny is at work here – only your free will and emotions! You both made a free choice to be together, and to break up too.
You’ve realized a lot of things about yourself through being with him. You now know everything that you don’t want in a partner. Even though he was sweet to you, he couldn’t give you what you needed in the relationship at the time. This does not mean that it would never work. If you’re willing to do what it would take, you could have a relationship with him. If he isn’t the person you thought he was, then you’re right to move on in a different direction.
If you do want to explore more with him, you’ll have to make some real sacrifices for love. Most people are not willing to do that. You’re busy starting a business of your own. Couldn’t you start that business in his location? If he’s still important to you, you’ll do just that. If this relationship is worth it to you (and no one else can decide that for you), you can still resurrect it from the ashes, but you will have to be the one to initiate everything for a while.
These days, most people won’t change their life plans for love. Unless the person they want to be with is pursuing them and initiating at least half of the contact and communication, they feel slighted and unloved. This is a pervasive attitude that will change in our culture as time goes by, but right now, people expect too much from each other. Every day I hear about relationships that fail because no one is willing to meet the other person halfway.
I sincerely believe that when we begin a relationship, we know somewhere deep inside ourselves how it’s going to turn out. Yet we often try to make the person we’re with into the person we want him or her to be in our minds. Eventually, we realize they are not the person we have been imagining them to be. Many times the goals each partner has are too different to blend well together.
I feel that when your fellow took this first job after school, he was trying to make a good life so that he could have a serious relationship with you. You chose to feel abandoned by this, and he chose to let you. You both had reasons for doing this. If you still miss him – and I think you do – reach out to him before it’s too late, and try to get this working again. It doesn’t have to be over unless that’s what you really want. You still have time.