I recently had a psychic reading, and the psychic told me that I am blocking myself from finding happiness in love by begrudging my ex-husband and his new wife their newfound happiness. She said that I won't find the love I long for until I heal my anger and resentment toward my ex. Given the way he treated me, I don't believe he deserves to be happy, so this is easier said than done. She told me that the least of what we wish for others is what we generally receive ourselves. Do you believe this is true? What about people who have treated us really badly? Do they deserve to be happier than we are? We have been divorced for about eight years. He remarried a few years ago, and I have not had a serious romantic relationship since we split up. Thank you for considering my question.
I submitted this column very late this week because I was trying to think of a way to answer your question without offending you. I have yet to come up with one and this column is past due, so I apologize in advance if this seems a bit harsh.
That psychic was 100 percent correct. You are angry, bitter and sad. THAT is why you have not had a new relationship. You do not really want one. You definitely are not ready for one. You do not really trust men. You are still hurt over your ex's treatment of you. You feel that everyone else gets to go and be happy, and you have been left sad and alone, holding the proverbial bag.
You may not feel like he deserves to be happy, but he IS. That bothers you more than the whole deserving factor. You cannot believe he moved on and is happy. You cannot believe that after all you went through, he's the one who is happy while you are feeling the way you do.
Want to know the BEST way to feel better about him and the whole situation? Want to know how you can move out of this emotional limbo?
Get a whole bunch of pillows stacked up on a strong backed chair or sofa. Picture that those stacked up pillows are your ex, and you can pour out all your anger and frustration on him and he will hear it.
Punch those pillows and scream at them and tell them EVERYTHING that you need to say to him. Tell those pillows how you feel about your life and what you are going through. Scream and punch those pillows until you are punched out, then do it some more.
After you do this comes the coup de grace. Now you get to forgive him. Yep, I said forgive him.
If you can forgive him, you can completely diffuse your feelings of mistrust, hatred, anger, etc., as you no longer have any reason for them to be part of your emotional system anymore.
You do not have to REALLY forgive him right off the bat if you can't manage it. Get a picture of him in your head (a real picture of him would work too). Then just look at him and say out loud, "I forgive you." Do this three times a day, every day. As you do it, you will start to realize that you have been holding on to all these feelings yourself, and you will also be able to slowly let them go. That will bring new happiness your way.
I know you think that it is impossible, that you do not even want to forgive him, but your anger and jealousy are not helping anything. You may think they are keeping you safe from further heartache by building a wall around your heart, but they are really only hurting you.
I wish you the strength to move on.
That psychic was absolutely correct: You will never find true happiness until you release the resentment you feel for your ex-husband. Until that happens, you're STUCK.
The things you wish for others, including the bad things, come back to you three times as strong! You have to find a way to stop shooting yourself in the foot like this if you want new happiness.
When we're miserable, it's hard to see someone who wronged us living large. Unfortunately, that sort of negative energy will keep us down until we find a way to get it out of our harmony.
Every day I speak with people who feel the way you do. Their exes seem to have everything: love, money, success and happiness - but this is rarely true. My clients also direct big anger and hatred at the people who help make their exes happy, and sometimes I just can't get them to understand how they are messing up their own lives.
Everyone has highs and lows, so even though it may seem like the exes of the world are not "getting theirs," we don't know what's really going on with them. They have problems too, no matter how happy they may seem.
Not having a relationship for eight years should tell you that it's not HIM, Kiddo - it's YOU. Resentment is a KILLER when it comes to finding love. No one is going to approach you while you're wearing that big neon sign over your head that says, "I am filled with hatred and won't let go of the past." Your aura is dark with frustration.
Here is the real heart of the matter: No matter what you do, you're never going to change anyone but YOU! Changing ourselves is challenging, especially after living with that much anger for so long, but I believe that it takes twice as much energy to stay in anger as it does to live in love.
I can already hear you saying, "I can't help the way I feel!" Nonsense. Anyone who WANTS to feel better can change how they feel. Here are some steps to help you heal your heart:
Start easy. You've been this way a long time; don't expect things to change overnight. Really observe yourself and other people's reactions to you. Be gentle, kind and forgiving with yourself. If you slip into resentment again, start over, and don't beat yourself up about it. Keep a journal of this experience so that you don't forget the process later on when you ARE happy again.
Above all, start making some room for FUN in your life again. It will brighten your aura and generate loving, positive energy. Letting go is HARD, but you can do it. The right person is waiting for you to get your groove back!
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.