I once loved a man. This was my first love and it was true and deep. Unfortunately, the relationship failed because of me. This broke his heart, so he married a girl he didn't love very much just to try to break my heart. This really hurt, but I forgot about it and decided to continue on with my life. Despite the fact that I am a fun, beautiful girl, I have been unable to find love that leads to marriage. Is this a punishment to me for breaking his heart? I regret hurting him but I think he's over me now. I also think I deserve to find my soul mate. I'm now wondering if we curse ourselves to be alone when we break other people's hearts. Your thoughts?
Lifeís lessons can be difficult to understand. We can view them as curses, karma, or steps in our destined journeys. When things don't unfold as we expect or we feel blocked from what we want, it's natural to feel we have somehow created these problems. However, your inability to find lasting love has little to do with breaking this manís heart, and more to do with how you yourself are approaching the great mystery of life.
From the constant illusions we are subjected to via the media and other people's lives, many of us have formed false beliefs and impossible expectations of love. We have been taught to believe that if we look or act a certain way, the love we hunger for will be ours.
In truth, attracting our soul mates is an inside job that is dependent on our spiritual growth. When we evaluate ourselves on a physical or emotional level, we may feel we deserve love. However, if we do not love ourselves on a spiritual level due to guilt, insecurity or ego-based actions, we will be blocked from finding true love until we address those issues.
To shift your perception of this situation so you can begin moving toward love from a spiritual angle, I recommend making a soul mate wish list. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four columns. At the top of the page, write The Characteristics of My Soul Mate. Then above the columns, list these categories: physical, emotional, values, and spiritual. Under each column, list the desired traits your partner should have.
Under physical, you may write such things as tall, handsome, dark hair, etc. Under emotional, you may want someone who is affectionate, understanding, stable and open to commitment. The values column can include traits such as honest, addiction-free, wants children, is gainfully employed, etc. On a spiritual level, you may desire someone who is faithful, aware, and takes responsibility for his actions and spiritual growth.
Work on this list for a few days, adding ideals as they occur to you. Keep it in a safe place such as a jewelry box or your meditation altar. Remember that you are creating a wish list for the Universe: you are requesting that Spirit bring your soul mate to you instead seeking someone on your own, which has proven fruitless.
If you meditate on this list each night, you will soon witness a change. This spiritual practice will bring the man of your dreams to you when you are ready.
Though many of us may have been raised to believe that there is a divine, god-like being in the clouds, watching our every move and doling out rewards and punishments based on our behavior, this is not how I believe the Universe works. Instead, I believe we are creating our own realities, so if we are being punished for something we did, it's because we are punishing ourselves.
While there may not be any higher power withholding the love you desire, based on everything you wrote in your question, it is highly likely that this past incident of heartbreak is indeed preventing you from finding the love you long for. My feeling is that, even though on a conscious level you believe you deserve to be loved and happy, you still need to forgive yourself for breaking this man's heart. If this were not the case, you would wouldn't be looking to this past incident as a source of your current unhappiness and frustration.
Until you forgive yourself, deep down you may continue to feel like you don't really deserve the love you desire or can't be trusted with another's heart. This is a very common sort of pattern; many people have deep feelings of being unworthy of what they desire that cause them to unconsciously behave in ways that thwart their conscious aims.
Often, just bringing these buried feelings up into your conscious awareness is enough to dispel the power they hold over you and set you free. Sometimes this can be achieved through meditation and reflection. Spiritual ritual can also be a powerful way to break free from the past and align with greater fulfillment. When the feelings and experiences are deeply buried or too hot to handle, however, it can be very helpful to have a healer like a hypnotherapist guide you through the healing process.
One thing you might do is write this man a letter in which you express how sorry you still are for breaking his heart. By doing what you can to make things right, you will align with new peace and self-love and free yourself to manifest a higher level of experience in the future.
This approach will also remind you that you hold the reins of your own journey through life, so to manifest true love, you must let go of the past and focus on what you desire with positive feelings and expectations. If you steer toward what you desire with every thought you think, word you speak, and choice you make, you'll soon end up where you long to be.
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.