I have a friend whose family is from another country, and in their house, they have an altar set up to their ancestors. They regularly place flowers, paper money, food and things on this altar. They pray to their ancestors, and I think they believe that if they didn't do these things, their ancestors would be sad or angry with them. I know this is a pretty ancient and widespread belief in some parts of the world. Do you think there is some thread of truth in this? If so, I feel bad because my family does nothing like this at all. Thanks for your fascinating column!
Amanda
Astrea:
The tradition of praying to and honoring ancestors goes back thousands of years. Before most organized religions flourished, many people set up altars and monuments to the people in their families. In Egypt long ago, living people built pyramids with lovely gardens so that their children and grandchildren could visit and bring them gifts of food, flowers and valuables.
This happens all over the world, and religion doesn't always play a part in the ways that people remember the deceased. In Mexico they have Dia de los Muertos, The Day of the Dead, which takes place November 1. Many people set up little altars in their homes and feed
the departed. There are parades and parties and other celebrations throughout the country to honor all the ancestors.
There are many simple ways to honor our dead. Any Catholic church will let you purchase and light a candle for someone who has crossed over. Many Christian churches as well as other mainstream religions have ceremonies to honor the dead, so if this appeals to you, find a church, synagogue or temple that offers those kinds of services. Some places even do services for our departed animal companions!
I don't believe that people in the Afterlife become angry. I think that's an emotion that gets left behind; at least, I certainly hope it is. I think that spirits do notice the way that we choose to honor them, and that it makes them feel happy, but if that's not a part of your life, I don't think they become upset.
Once people have fully transitioned into the Afterlife, they are usually at peace and happy. While they would be delighted with any kind of honor and remembering you do for them, they certainly don't require it to help them or to stay connected to you always. As long as those people are alive in your mind and heart, they live.
Your friends are honoring their predecessors in their own traditional way. If you don't feel that you're doing the right thing for yours, you can create your own rituals to honor the dead in your family.
On feast days, I always feed my Granny and my best friend who passed away with whatever we are having for our big meal. Whether they eat it or not doesn't matter; it's the presentation and the feeling behind it that's important.
Thinking of our dead with love is enough, but if you feel you need to do more than that, figure out what works for you - just leave off the guilt. That's one thing I can assure you that your ancestors don't desire or require.
*****
Susyn:
Rituals can play an important part in people's lives. Different cultures practice various ways of honoring their ancestors - there is no one right way.
The practice of placing flowers, food and money on an altar for the deceased is common in Hindu and Buddhist cultures. This is similar to the practices of ancient Egypt, where people were entombed with their favorite objects, foods, water and blessed oils to carry with them over to the next world. Though the details may differ from one religion to the next, the idea is the same.
Keep in mind that most of these rituals are designed more for the living than for their departed ancestors. This is a wonderful way to maintain the heart connection we feel with our loved ones who have crossed over. Even religious practices in the Western world have rituals whose focus is to honor the dead while comforting the living.
You can set up an altar on your own if you feel the desire, and use it to honor your ancestors as well as for other spiritual practices. It is always a good idea to have a special place where you can pray, meditate and converse with your spiritual higher power and any loved ones who've crossed over.
Find a special location to set up your altar. Ideally this should be an area that won't be disturbed by others and offers a quiet, serene atmosphere. Avoid placing your altar by windows or doorways where outside distractions could occur.
There are endless different options for creating your altar. Before you start setting it up, you should cleanse the area with a sage smudge stick or sage incense to bless it.
A small table or desktop will make for a solid base. You may want to cover this area with a special cloth. From this point you can create your altar by gathering together objects, gemstones and candles that speak to you spiritually.
If you are constructing the altar in honor of your ancestors, you can include photographs or possessions connected to them. Flowers, fruit or a small fountain will add a lovely touch to your altar.
If you are going to use this space for personal meditation or daily prayer, you may want to add a special chair or cushion as well so that you can sit comfortably.
Once you've constructed your altar, be sure to set aside time each day to pray or meditate in front of it. Rituals and meditations are most powerful when they are repeated regularly. If you create something special, your altar will not only enhance your spiritual growth but become a quiet haven for you.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.