I'm in a relationship that I used to be excited about, but now I find myself no longer interested. My boyfriend has many wonderful qualities, but he is often very negative. I'm also just not sexually attracted to him anymore. However, I am grateful, because without him, I wouldn't be able to have my current lifestyle. He works very hard while I pursue my acting career. In fact, he pays for everything. I should note that I recently left a good job to move a very long distance so we could be together. I know that a loving "soul mate" relationship must be created, and that it takes work for both parties. For quite a while I was really trying to be romantic, to communicate, to restore the romance. I do love him, but I'm afraid I'm just no longer "in love" with him, and worst of all, I don't really want to be anymore. I imagine us parting somewhere down the road, and I'm okay with that! I know with this attitude our relationship definitely isn't going to work, and I do want to have a successful relationship at last. Can I find a way to make myself want this nice guy? I really believe we make our own happiness or unhappiness, and I take full responsibility for my life. On the other hand, maybe he's just not the "right one" for me? Thank you!
--L
Dreamchaser:
I think you have "reality-itis." This relationship was fabulous when you were long-distance, but now that you have quit your job and moved, you are dealing with the full reality.
This happens so often with long-distance relationships. We meet someone and talk on the phone or on the internet. We are open and honest and speak freely. We meet for short periods of time to eat, drink and be merry. Long distance relationships are full of loving moments, after which we go back to our respective homes with a "love hangover." We think that this relationship is everything we could ever want, so we do all we can to move closer to each other.
This is when the bumps and flaws become apparent. Everyone's real personalities come out. Reality has finally set in.
If you are not physically or sexually interested in a man anymore, it is going to be next to impossible to make this into what you say you want. Your gut instincts are telling you the truth. You are not in love, and you probably never were - you just really wanted to be. You now know that you are not going to be together for the long haul.
"It" is either there, or "it" is not. We can't force ourselves to like or love someone. You don't want to talk to him half the time, and you definitely don't want to be intimate with him. What kind of relationship can you expect to build when you feel this way deep down in your core?
I'm sure the fact that he is paying for your lifestyle is making you hesitant to leave him. It's natural for you to really like the fact that you can do whatever you want while someone else picks up the tab. I'm sorry to tell you that the free ride is now over, my friend: it's time to get back to work.
Do yourself a favor and start to figure out where you want to go from here. You were not happy in your old life, so you do not want to go backwards. If you want to stay where you are now and pursue your acting career, that's fine. However, you need to either find your own job and move into your own place, or ask him about just being "roommates" for a while.
You can't continue to allow him to pay all the expenses for both of you given how you feel about him. That's just wrong; it will create bad karma for you, and you know it. He is just as dejected as you are about the way things are. You are not THAT good of an actress - he knows things are not great beneath the surface, but he has no idea what to do about it. Thus you both just continue on like things are fabulous when they absolutely are not.
You are constantly reinventing yourself, and it is time to do it again. At least you're now in the area of the world you really wanted and needed to be in. That is one blessing to come out of this whole relationship experience.
I wish you happy new horizons.
*****
Astrea:
As long as you're only thinking about yourself and your own needs, you can't make yourself love your boyfriend again. It certainly seems the loving relationship you once had is over. Both of you are just going through the motions now. He lets things go on and on because he still feels he is in love with you. You let things go on and on because you don't want to give up your acting dreams and support yourself. Perhaps that's enough to keep you together a while longer - stranger things have certainly happened with couples.
It's interesting that both of you were born so close to the cusp of your signs. While you're a Cancer, you have a LOT of Leo influence in your chart. This Leo is the part of you that wants to break and run and find someone new and exciting, while the Cancer part wants to hold on to the security you've found. He's a stable, caring Virgo, but the Libra in his chart makes him voice his negative feelings like resentment now and then. His free Libra spirit hates being used.
He can feel that you're no longer in love with him and that you don't feel you will always be together. He knows he's being used, and while he's no longer in love with you the way he once was, it's natural for him to ignore or deny that to himself. When he is negative, that repressed awareness is coming up. Usually Virgos can hide their feelings from others, but since he is about at his limit in this situation, it sneaks out now and then.
You say that you did all you could to be romantic, caring and considerate, and I believe you! It's sad, but the two of you have just grown apart. If you can live this way, that's fine, but it's not what EITHER of you truly wants.
You are no longer in love with your "very negative" boyfriend who creates the "lifestyle" you want to enjoy while you "don't work and pursue your acting career." I know that you know that you sound awfully shallow, like an ungrateful sponge who is just using him to get what you want in life at his expense. As long as you are using another person and not giving anything back but resentment, the Universe won't reward your efforts.
If you want to stay with him and rekindle your love, the two of you should IMMEDIATELY get into some kind of couples counseling. There isn't any excuse in the whole world for not doing that. The success of this counseling will depend on how receptive the two of you are to change.
You can indeed choose to love anyone you want to love, but once you've decided the love is gone, it's very difficult to get it back again. Often, however, love dies simply because we allow resentment to build over time. Unless the people involved in the relationship can learn to GIVE to each other the way they did in the beginning again, it's silly to try to stay together.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.