My name is Dee, and my birth date is Sept 12, 1965. My father-in-law is dying of dementia, and he has been visiting me in dreams for about six months. He is completely bedridden, can do nothing for himself physically or mentally, and is rarely lucid. The dreams are progressive. Dream #1: We are partying at his house with his departed wife, my husband and two youngest children. Dream #2: It was just him and me, and he was very happy, enthusiastic and loving. Dream #3: It was just him and me again, and he was trying to climb a ladder. Dream #4: It included him, me, my husband, and an old dark-haired lady. He was clearly telling us goodbye, and that he was happy to be going when he was going. When he stood up from his wheelchair to sit on the bed, he fell and the old woman caught him. He was very happy. Dream #5: He told me he wanted an entertainment center with a stereo in his room at the nursing home, because he was bored with the TV and he was going to be here for a while. He’s been fighting death for a long time now, for (his waking self) is afraid to die. Do you believe (as I do) that he is communicating with me in these dreams, and if so, how can I help him to peacefully transition to the other side?
Dreamchaser:
It is common knowledge in spiritual circles that people who have any type of illness that causes them to be unconscious or delirious frequently leave their bodies. Certainly, dementia and Alzheimer’s are diseases that make people leave their bodies. It’s the same with comas.
It has been reported that people in comas can understand what is being said around them, which shows that even though the mind appears to be “shut down,” that person is cognizant on some level of what is happening. I think that people who are suffering like this often choose to leave the physical dimension and explore other realms of experience.
I have no doubt that your father-in-law was visiting you in those dreams. To you they were just dreams, but to him, they were very real experiences. After he got sick, he began to interact with people and live his life on another plane.
If you read this column frequently, you know by now that when we sleep, our souls leave our bodies and go where they most need to go. Your soul often hung out with him. You two got along well and so it seemed natural for you to “keep him company” while you were sleeping.
You can’t, however, help him transition to the other side. He will do that himself when he’s ready to pass. He is already being made aware of his circumstances, and he knows full well the status of his health. When it’s time, he will just cross over to the other world. He is already quite familiar with that realm, so in many ways, dying will be easier for him than it is for most people.
What you can do for him is just continue to allow yourself to go to him in your dreams and keep him company. When you visit him in person, you can also tell his body, as it lies in the bed, that you enjoy the dreams you two share. The part of him that is conscious and aware will then know that you know what is happening.
Because of his adventures on the other side, he is becoming less and less afraid to die. I think his fear, by the way, was not so much about what would happen to him, but what would happen to all the loved ones he will leave behind, for his natural instinct is to take care of everyone around him. You can rest assured, however, that he is losing his fear about death.
Have you bought him an entertainment center yet? You might take him his favorite music and play it, or read a book to him while he’s there. Do, however, turn off the television. When you hear a message like this in your dreams of him, please honor it, for he is trying to communicate with you.
I wish you both peace.
*****
Astrea:
The conventional explanation for what you’re experiencing with your father-in-law is that you are having “wish fulfillment” dreams. Because you would so like to be able to communicate with dad when you’re awake, your subconscious is creating those scenes in your dreams to ease your mind and prepare you for his passing. You wish he could talk to you in real time, so you dream that it happens, and that’s all this is.
Do I believe that? Not for one second! I know from personal experience that people in the condition your dad’s in communicate with us just like he’s communicating with you.
I also understand his fear of letting go. Though his body is worn out, he resists moving on. I feel that in part this is due to some guilt he feels about his family. Maybe he didn’t spend enough time with your husband and his other children. Maybe he was mean to them a time or two. Whatever it is, he is now afraid of facing the consequences for it in the afterlife.
Many people experience this, and helping them cross over is very hard. Unfortunately, this is one of those things you can’t do for another person; he’ll have to find the strength to cross over on his own.
What you can do is reassure him that he will go right to heaven. Every time you see him, tell him that, even if you don’t think he can hear or understand you. Even when someone is far gone, they have lucid moments.
If he has done anything that you or your husband think he may feel bad about, let him know he is forgiven. Tell him this out loud when you visit him. Eventually, he’ll feel better about moving on.
His will is very strong; that’s what’s keeping him stuck in this worn out shell. If he is a religious person, read to him about the kingdom of heaven. Make it sound attractive so he won’t be so afraid. Even though his mind may not be able to consciously grasp the words, his spirit will.
This is a simple act of kindness that you can do for him. Also, remind him that even though he moves on, you’ll never forget him, and you’ll continue to think of him.
As strange as these dreams may seem, he is indeed interacting with you in another realm. Your husband may be having dreams with him too, but he may not remember them because of his strong feelings, or he may not feel the need to share them.
During the last year of her life, my grandmother communicated with me regularly through dreams. Ten years after her death, she still comes to me when something important is about to change in my life. I hope your dad is able to do the same for you; I have a feeling that he will.