In order to feel safe at night, I have to close every door in my apartment: closets, kitchen cabinets, the doors of rooms, all except the door of one bathroom that has a wall and door of mirrors. I feel there is a presence that will come to me if I leave the doors open. Sometimes I feel it inside the kitchen cabinets, or the office, laundry room, etc., but most often I feel it inside my bedroom. In fact, I've been sleeping in the living room for months due to my fear. I am not afraid during the day, which puzzles me. For this reason, I thought I was paranoid, but recently I read something about shadows, and it helped me understand that I can in fact have fear only in the dark and not in the light. However, something else doesn't make sense: if my fears are not due to a mental illness, and there is in fact a presence in my home, why would it help to close the doors? Can't a spirit go through doors anyway? I've left the doors open many times, trying to face my fears, and I either can't sleep because I'm panicked and praying for protection, or I fall sleep and have terrible nightmares of someone very negative and powerful standing next to me or walking through my house. If this entity is real and it's so powerful, how can I be protected simply by closing the doors? I don't think I can lock a spirit inside a room - or can I? Needless to say, I will arrange to see a psychiatrist, but I can't deny what I've experienced, and I'm almost sure it's caused by a real entity.
Even though entities may be able to pass through doors with ease, when you close your doors on them, you send them a direct message. This is not so much about what spirits can and cannot do as it is about the energetic dynamics involved. The closing of a door is an act you take to protect yourself and to send unseen entities a warning that they are not welcome. Closing doors to a troublesome entity is like setting an alarm system for a potential burglar: most criminals will keep moving until they find an easier target.
I am curious to know if this problem has followed you throughout your life, or just since you moved into the place you are now living. I suspect the latter is true, because if this spirit was personally attached to you, it would not be so easy to shut it out.
Because you tend to sense this spirit in certain living spaces in your home (the kitchen cabinets, office, laundry room) where a previous tenant might have spent a lot of time, it is most likely the ghost of someone who lived and died in the home prior to your moving in. The details you offered suggest a residual haunting, where a spirit moves about the house, repeating the activities they performed when they were alive. Your ability to block the anxiety you feel by simply shutting the doors at night confirms this, for this entity is not seeking you out but randomly roaming about the house as though going about a daily routine.
One of the reasons we tend to have more fear at night and less during the day has to do with the nature of our second sight. When we move through our days, our physical vision is clear, and the bright light surrounding us tends to erase shadowy entities. In the dark, our second sight kicks in and is able to pick up on apparitions and energetic movement we would not normally see. Because we are depending on our instincts more heavily in the dark, we pick up on more paranormal activity.
I do not believe you need to see a psychiatrist. It would be more productive to invite a psychic or exorcist into your home to attempt to contact this entity to see if they can get it to clear out. Calling in spiritual professional to speak to a spirit can be more powerful than you might imagine. You may assume that spirits can just read your mind or that you can just tell them to go away and they will listen. However, having a third party address an unwelcome spirit is often more powerful, for it's sort of like calling in
the authorities. Whether this spirit has been there for years or is newly-ensconced in the house, this is your best line of defense to rid yourself of it once and for all.
I'm sorry for your suffering, and I'm glad you wrote to us. I commend you for giving this issue thoughtful consideration, and for your willingness to seek psychiatric help, if necessary. I think such a visit would be helpful if only to discuss medications that may temporarily help you manage your symptoms.
While you're exploring the root cause of your fears, anti-anxiety medication would help you remain calm, and a sleeping aid would help you catch up on your rest. Anti-depressant medication can help ease the symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD.) You might meet the criteria for that diagnosis if you're plagued by thoughts and behaviors you can't control.
Rituals like hand-washing, rearranging things or checking (did I close every door?) can provide temporary relief from worrisome thoughts. It may be easier for you to believe there's a spirit hiding in your home than it is to acknowledge painful feelings hiding in your body and mind. We all resist facing upsetting memories and emotions sometimes, but with loving support, we can uncover, feel and process them. This is less painful in the long run than continuing to suppress them. If there is no one to hear and support us during difficult childhood experiences, we can store feelings of fear, sadness and anger in the cabinets and closets of our inner world.
I would be happy to work with you in Live Chat on releasing the past so you can live more fully in the present. In the meantime, you might do some journaling or talk to a counselor about your early life. Is there a parent or other family member who felt
negative and powerful? Many of us replay our childhood trauma by getting involved with someone who is similar to one or both of our parents.
You don't mention a mate, but if you usually sleep next to a partner and now find yourself on the couch, it may be that you're angry with your partner. The entity could be a convenient, unconscious excuse for you to leave the bed! This
spirit may actually be your own anger, and your door-closing rituals the way you push it back down. You've been out of your bedroom for several months, so think back to what happened in your emotional world when this started. Is there an unresolved issue that came up around then?
Anger arises when something is hurting us. Anger is an energetic gift we can draw upon to seek a creative solution, which might involve a change in perspective, a constructive conversation, or leaving a situation that is not good for us. I encourange you to welcome and get to know the
spirit you've been resisting so that you can resolve your past and present pain!
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.