Double Vision: A Classic Case of Transference or Something More?

I've been seeing an acupuncturist for healing for almost a year now. From the beginning of our relationship, I had a strong sense that there was a connection between the two of us. He felt very familiar to me, and there was a definite sharing of energies between the two of us. From the first moment we met, my intuition began telling me that he was attracted to me. We quickly bonded emotionally and had some very intimate conversations. It was several months before I could admit that I was attracted to him as well. I began to have dreams about him on a nightly basis, and I decided to mention the dreams to him as a way to talk to him about my feelings for him. He immediately got defensive about his healing methods, and began to challenge me by telling me that my feelings for him were not love and that we were not soul mates because he did not believe in soul mates. I have discontinued my acupuncture appointments with him but I still feel a very strong connection to him. Now I am left feeling sad, manipulated, and betrayed. I also feel like my intuition failed me. Was I imagining the emotional connection and intimate nature of our relationship, or was my intuition correct all along?



People often get emotionally attached to individuals they see for healing and guidance. It's perfectly natural for these attachments to form as we interact with people who guide, nurture and support us with our goals and dreams.

Whether they are in conventional medical or holistic fields, health care professionals must maintain strong boundaries with their clients. Given the intimate conversations you shared, it doesn't sound like your acupuncturist did this. I doubt your intuition was off when you sensed he was attracted to you. However, even if he was very attracted to you, he could not act on his feelings. Since becoming involved was not an option, anything he said or did that led you on was a lapse in integrity.

When we keep these kinds of emotions or attractions to ourselves, they tend to take on a life of their own, growing stronger as we wrestle with ourselves to make sense of them. This is a one-sided phenomenon that unfortunately can drive us to entertain fantasies that may not have any basis in reality. In that regard, you allowed your feelings to get the better of you.

Ethically, if this acupuncturist had feelings for you, he should have advised you that he could no longer treat you. That would have freed the two of you to explore your mutual attraction. Because you were the first to address these feelings, you put yourself at risk for rejection.

Men have more experience with this than women. They tend to handle it better and do not succumb to shame, embarrassment or the sense that they have been betrayed. This is more of a female experience, which is why it is always wise to let the man come to you instead of putting yourself out there first.

In the future, if you engage the services of anyone you find yourself attracted to, you should discontinue working with them and find a different practitioner. If there is real attraction between the two of you, let them be the first to express it.

Feelings and intuitions can conflict with each other. The best way to tell them apart is by evaluating how they feel. Intuition will come as a thought or action that is unemotional; it is designed to alert and direct you when you reach a crossroads or need to be aware of your options. When what you are feeling has a strong emotional charge, it is unlikely to be your intuition. If you feel an intense feeling of fear, desire, or some other emotion, you're not dealing with an intuition and are probably too emotional to hear your inner guidance clearly.



I'm not so sure your intuition failed you. It's very possible that you and your acupuncturist were attracted to each other. There will always be people in your life with whom you share mutual attraction, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it. There are times when acting on attraction can do more harm than good.

Your feelings sound normal under the circumstances. You're feeling sad as you grieve the loss of your healer and your dream of sharing something deeper with him. You're feeling manipulated and are perhaps wondering if he misled you to ensure your loyalty as a client. You feel betrayed that he seemingly led you on and then denied his feelings and discounted yours.

In general, when a healer of any kind helps remove blocks and frees us to expand on a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual level, we DO tend to feel like we're falling in love, but it's the energy flow and increased sense of well-being that we are really in love with!

Healers, being in a professional role, carry power and authority. The dynamic between a helper and a client is similar to that of parent and child. Whenever we feel dependent upon someone, it stirs up feelings from our earliest life, when we idealized our parents and felt in love with them. This phenomenon is known as transference, and tends to happen in almost every therapeutic and teaching relationship to one degree or another.

It's possible your acupuncturist DID feel attracted to you, which is known as countertransference. In the course of therapy, be it massage therapy, acupuncture, psychotherapy, etc., the healer can't possibly come to know a client fully as an individual in the context of normal life, so any feelings that arise are NOT completely based upon the actual client but are usually mixed in with feelings for someone in the healer's past.

Your acupuncturist may have denied his feelings because he felt uncomfortable acknowledging them. Perhaps he did not have proper support or training in how to best manage feelings for a client. If he engaged in intimate conversations with you, it's possible he crossed a professional line. His defensiveness may indicate that he felt guilty for doing so.

It's a good rule of thumb to steer clear of entering personal relationships with our teachers and healers unless the professional relationship is terminated and time is invested in getting to know each other in a natural context. Until that takes place, feelings of attraction or connection should always remain suspect.


Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.