I am living a life that seems to be filled with bad luck and bad experiences daily. I was born on June 1, 1975. I often have bad dreams only to have the events of the following day reveal some connection to the dream. I now have a fiancé who seems to love me with a passion, but I do mean and ugly things to him. I can't help it. I feel hurt, slighted or jealous and I just lose it. I don't know what to do. I need help; I feel out of control. I hope you have some spiritual advice for me.
Vonetta
Astrea:
The positions of the planets in each person's chart determine to a large degree how that individual will handle their life experiences. Not everyone born in June shares your issues and challenges, but they do seem to be a running theme with many Air Signs.
As much as I hate to generalize about Astrology, this is a problem I often see with Gemini women: they have the most difficult time accepting love! Often this is the result of things that happened to them in the past, such as how their relationships with their parents unfolded.
Geminis often feel that they are not being paid enough attention and respect. They feel as you often do - slighted or ignored. Other people can't possibly be considerate enough for you to let down the protective shield you have around you that covers your deeper, truer emotions. You find it unnerving to trust that your fiancÈ loves you for yourself and not for the mask you wear to cover up your feelings.
The reason you fly off the handle at your fiancÈ is because you feel in some way inadequate in that relationship. When we feel our relationship is vulnerable, we often start arguments and fights. It's simply easier to fight than to face the terrible feeling that somehow we don't measure up to the person we love most.
Disagreeing is EASY; talking about what is truly bothering you is HARD and would open you up in a way you don't feel ready for right now. Maybe you're just not ready, or maybe he's the wrong person for you. Whatever the reason, you are now wisely looking at how your actions are affecting this relationship.
I know you don't really want him to leave you, but I also know that sometimes you think, If he leaves me, well, that's his loss!
That's not wholly true, of course, for if he leaves you, that will be your loss too!
As far as your dreams are concerned, you have some psychic ability to see things before they happen, and you can use that ability to alter the unpleasant things you see in your dreams. Just ask to be led to ways to influence things. When that's not possible, then ask for these dreams to be taken away.
Your fiancÈ doesn't understand why you do mean and ugly things to him, or that it's only because you don't feel worthy of true love. You ARE worthy. Find some way to give yourself credit for the wonderful person you are. Also, find a way to tell him that you often look for something to argue about instead of facing your difficult feelings and issues.
Let him in on this or he will think you don't love him. He wants to help you find happiness - let him!
*****
Susyn:
First, it's important to never underestimate the power of your thoughts. If you are resigned to the idea that you'll have bad luck and awful experiences every day, you're setting yourself up for more of the same.
It can be difficult to release a mind set, which can keep us stuck repeating the same patterns over and over with different people. For example, you have a fiancÈ who loves you, but you continue to find yourself treating him badly. This may simply be a reaction you developed in a past relationship, but if you continue it, you will have the same outcome, which will lead to more and more of the same.
Your dreams may also contain insights as to why you feel out of control, as they seem to validate your belief that bad things are going to happen. Dreams often express our unspoken and unrealized fears, and yours seem to reflect some of your worries about how you can't seem to get a break.
I recommend that you purchase a ring, necklace or bracelet with a lapis lazuli stone in it. This stone is known for its protective qualities, and can help center your thoughts when they seem to veer out of control. Wear it at all times. Also, place a turquoise stone under your pillow; this will eliminate the bad dreams you've been having while also surrounding you with extra protection.
You can also freeze
the bad luck you seem to have with a simple ritual. Gather together a white candle, a piece of brown paper torn off of a grocery or lunch bag, some salt and a sandwich-size Zip-loc baggie. Light the candle.
On the piece of paper, write, I implore the Universe to freeze all negative thoughts, fears and events from happening to me. From this point forward, only good things will come my way.
Then sign and date it, fold it in half, and place it in the baggie.
Sprinkle some salt onto it and then fill the bag two-thirds full of water. Seal it and place it in your freezer. Within 24 hours, you should feel the dark cloud of bad luck that surrounds you begin to lift.
I also suggest you begin a journal or diary in which to document these events, especially the times when you are drawn to mistreat your boyfriend. Consider incidents in the past and see if you can recognize a pattern. Once you become conscious that these feelings are coming from an event with another boyfriend or some other former relationship, you'll be able to stop them.
You don't have to resign yourself to the idea that you have bad luck. By taking the above actions, you can empower yourself to create positive change and consciously manifest what you want in your life.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.