I was born on July 17, 1987. I have always been interested in spirituality and metaphysics. Lately I seem to have uncovered some repressed pain stemming from abusive experiences I had a few years ago during college. I had a series of encounters with controlling, sexually abusive men. I didn't seem to realize at the time how upside down my relationships were other than knowing I did not feel good anymore. I'm wondering if these difficult experiences were karmic lessons or if they were simply the unfortunate result of my own naivetÈ. Is this possibly leftover karma from a past incarnation? I've been told I spent more lifetimes in a male body, and now that I am female, I have brought karma with me from those other lifetimes. I want to regain the laughter, love of life, and magic that I used to feel so abundantly. What do you feel is blocking me from healing, and how can I go about feeling better? Thank you for all you do. I truly appreciate this website and your work.
Caroline
Astrea:
When I first started doing readings professionally, I was quite surprised at the number of smart, beautiful young women who went through exactly what you've described: abusive relationships with a series of controlling men. It was shocking to hear the horror stories of heartbreak, loneliness, and sometimes much, much worse! I undertook a lot of study on past lives and karma because that seemed to be the most likely explanation.
While it's possible that you were a horrible person in a past life, what you experienced in college would NOT be because you were male in that life. Karma follows us from one life to the next whether we're male or female. Also, beware the judgments and assumptions that may underlie the idea that men are the only abusers in relationships, for women can be just as abusive.
Just because we have been in male bodies before does NOT mean we have to suffer when we are then born as women. That sounds like an easy out some psychic readers might take when they don't have a lot to say and are looking to explain their clients problems and heartaches. It's too easy to say, Your bad luck is due to your past lives/karma/a curse on your family.
Not everything that happens is a result of karma. Bad things happen to good people because they need to learn and grow. We ALL make poor choices from time to time, and when we learn from them, we move on with our lives. If we always blame karma, we tend to feel like we have no control over what happens in our lives, which leaves us feeling like we're at the mercy of our own past life choices.
Instead of looking for what caused this or that to happen, I find it far more helpful to focus on what we have learned from our experiences. I can clearly feel the wisdom you gained from these abusive relationships, and you should be very proud of yourself for learning all you did and moving on to choose a higher level of experience. As soon as you realized that you weren't choosing the kind of man you wanted in your life, you moved up in Spiritual Awareness.
Since you are always you on a soul level, chances are good that the lives in which you were a man were very similar to this one. Each incarnation offers us whatever lessons we need to learn on a soul level regardless of our temporary gender.
As your soul progresses, you will naturally learn to be more sensitive, caring, and giving. You will learn NOT to dwell on the past but to welcome the future with open arms. Whether you're a man or a woman doesn't matter; what matters is that you stop being victimized and take control of creating what you want in your life by putting what you learn to good use.
*****
Susyn:
One of the biggest challenges we can face in life is getting past traumatic or abusive situations, whether they occurred in this lifetime, a past life, or both.
It is likely that the series of relationships you experienced in college were with men from your past lives, though the circumstances in those lives may have been different. For example, if you spent many lifetimes as a male, you may have encountered those men in battles or other conflicts of a violent nature.
The good news is that you now realize the abuse and pain you experienced and have no desire to repeat or continue this pattern. An important purpose of experiencing past life karma is to gain new insights and break patterns that we have been subject to for many lifetimes.
One thing to consider is that during these connections, you lost your sense of power. This is the reason you are having trouble regaining your sense of inner joy. You must regain your personal power and spiritual strength before your happiness will return.
Meditation is one powerful tool for reconnecting with your inner spirit and higher self, though any metaphysical practices you engage in can be helpful for bypassing past trauma and opening to the gifts of healing Spirit wants to bring you.
Make sure you are meditating twice a day for at least 15 minutes at a sitting. The more you meditate, the more you will begin to feel your joy return. Focus on restoring your personal power first and foremost. Ask Spirit to direct you in overcoming old issues and traumas.
While you meditate, it's a good idea to surround yourself with the color yellow, as this is the color that rules the solar plexus chakra and your source of personal power. You can dress in yellow, add yellow candles and gemstones to your meditation space, and even eat yellow food before or after your meditation.
It is also important to deal with this current life trauma by clearing out the abusive memories. Physical abuse can get held on a cellular level and create subconscious fears or blocks. If you are interested in counseling, you might find a therapist who uses a method called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
This is one of the most effective tools for healing post-traumatic stress disorder. This system uses a series of lights to reprogram your body and release old pain. It is one of the fastest ways to heal and release the type of abuse you've experienced.
I wish you all the best as you move away from this difficult place. Rest assured that you are on your way out of it already. The suggestions here should speed up the process so you can get back to enjoying your life again.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.