I value all of your advice and insights, so let's see if you can tackle this one. I have been married for 25 years, and for the last eight years or so, my husband has experienced a number of health issues that have made physical intimacy almost impossible. Also, low testosterone levels strip him of any desire, so I have had to live without a physical relationship with him and it has drained me. I feel sorry for him as well as for myself. What is happening on a spiritual level? Is there a spiritual method for healing this situation? How can I make peace with all of this?
~Norah
Astrea:
Sadly, many couples are going through the same thing the two of you are dealing with now. For the past year, every time I turn on the TV, there are couples discussing this same subject on at least one channel. Surveys and statistics prepared by doctors, psychologists and other experts suggest that we have an epidemic of sexless marriages on our hands.
When we're young and busy with children, jobs, and trying to keep our households running smoothly, it's normal for sex to fall off the to-do list. By the time the kids are grown, many couples have grown emotionally too far apart to bring the physical aspect of their marriage back together. It can be done, but to achieve spiritual intimacy takes time and a whole lot of work and devotion.
Chances are that your husband is missing the intimacy in your marriage just as much as you are, so he is probably very open to doing whatever he can to correct this problem. Get into couples therapy or go with him to a physician you both trust to find out how the physical problems he has can be overcome. Before you do anything else, find out what is medically available to help him out with all of this.
Get a complete physical check-up yourself while you're at it, and do all you can to look and feel your best. That way, you'll know that you're not subconsciously putting him off because you feel fat, tired, old or unattractive. (When we don't feel attractive, it's natural to hold back from deep intimacy with another person.)
Once you've done all you can on a practical, physical level, you can begin to create spiritual intimacy by telling each other how you feel about EVERYTHING, and making this your first priority in your relationship. Communication is one of the few things that really can solve problems of this kind, so though I'm sure you are hesitant to bring this subject up after so many years of disappointment, it has to be done if you're going to establish the sort of connection you yearn to have with your husband.
There are also many programs, web sites and books dedicated to solving the problems the two of you are having. One that I like is The 8-Step Program for Getting Unstuck from your Sexless Marriage. This was a team effort under the supervision of Dr. Andrew Atwood, and addresses every angle, wrinkle and possibility.
Even without the physical act of sex, there are many other ways to achieve the intimacy and fulfillment you yearn for. Start communicating without blame. That's the first step to the spiritual intimacy that will make all the rest fall into place.
*****
Susyn:
It's not unusual for the physical side of a relationship to diminish after 25 years, even when there are no health issues involved. Because of this, many people are in positions similar to yours.
It sounds like you are committed to the relationship but struggling with the loss of certain aspects of it. It may help you to realize that you are not alone, and may benefit from the support of others struggling with similar issues. Though I've never heard of groups that meet for this specific reason, I suspect it would be easy to find women who can relate to what you're going through.
Many couples who practice some form of spirituality will deliberately go through periods of abstinence with their partners for the very purpose of increasing their spiritual and heart bonds. When the physical aspects of a relationship are limited, this allows the other six chakras in the body to become stronger, a phenomenon somewhat similar to when someone loses their sight or hearing only to have their other senses enhanced.
You can use the limitations in this relationship to strengthen your partnership on other levels and to change your perception of your marriage. Immersing yourself in the spiritual, intellectual, and creative aspects of your relationship could fill the void you are experiencing in different and perhaps even more fulfilling ways.
Many people would envy a partnership that has endured 25 years. It's possible that you are so focused on the one thing that is no longer present in the relationship that you are missing its endless good points as well as potentials yet to be developed, which could be adding to your frustration.
If you focus on the positive aspects of a situation, they grow stronger, and if you focus on the negative aspects of it, they also tend to increase. This may be a wonderful opportunity for you to practice working with the law of attraction via your relationship.
If your husband is willing, the two of you can explore alternative ways to have sex or create physical intimacy. Even if he has no physical desire to engage in sex because of medication or his health problems, you can make it known that these needs are still alive within you, and you are asking him to work with you in meeting your own needs for physical intimacy.
Metaphysically, one of your greatest challenges will be to discover the gifts in these restrictions. If you can step back and look at the big picture instead of feeling lost or powerless to change things, new insights will present themselves and empower you to create positive changes one way or another.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.