I have been dating this guy for a year and a half now. He won't get into a serious committed relationship because 11 years ago, his girlfriend died suddenly in his arms. He has never overcome the loss. He has dated here and there, but I am the first woman he has dated for a long period of time. Since I have been seeing him, I have had bizarre incidents happening to me. When I get frustrated with the relationship and decide I'm going to move on, my cell phone acts up such that when I try calling my friends, my phone ends up calling him even though I can see my friend's name in the phone as the contact. This has happened numerous times. I got a new phone and the problem continues: every time I start planning to move on, my phone keeps dialing him. I also have had problems with meeting new guys; I keeping hitting road blocks. Every time I meet someone new and we set up a date to meet for the first time, they disappear. That has happened several times. (This never happened to me before I met him.) One last thing: this summer, he gave me a small music box that just sits on my dresser. I never touch it. Several weeks ago, I was going through a box on my floor next to my dresser when all of a sudden, this music box let out four little notes. It hasn't been touched since the summer. I'm a little confused as to what may be going on. I mentioned all of this to him. In my heart I feel it's his girlfriend trying to push me to him, yet he keeps pushing me away from anything too serious. He tells me he loves me but is afraid of loss. He tells me she was a very sweet, kind and warm person. I don't know if this is all coincidence or what to make of it. I don't know what to do. I feel she wants him to move on and be happy, but it's not me with the problem. Could this really be happening?
Sherri
Susyn:
Is your boyfriend working on his own to heal and resolve this trauma? It's easy for someone to cite all sorts of reasons they are not ready to make a commitment; it's another to use their fears as a wall to keep people at bay. If he is actively working on this issue through therapy or treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD), there there is hope for your future together.
I would not be at all surprised if his girlfriend's spirit is trying to push you two together, though as you say, you are not the one who is hesitating. I've had similar experiences with dialing one number and having it call someone else, which can seem quite maddening. However, each time it happened, I too felt that spirit was directing me to connect with the person that my phone ended up dialing.
I have a clock that once belonged to my ex-husband. Years after his death, I was remodeling and started to move the clock to a safe place when it began to chime. I felt strongly that this was his way of communicating that he approved of what I was doing. I also had a music box that belonged to my grandmother, and after years of silence, it began to play one day very briefly. I later realized that this had occurred on her birthday. For these reasons, I agree that these are signs from his last girlfriend, and that she is trying to get the two of you together.
Though it may be hard to pull away when his girlfriend's spirit keeps pushing you toward him, given your particular situation, I do recommend continuing to distance yourself from him. When you pull back your energy, if he truly loves you, he will break through his fears and find a way to move things to the next level. Often, fear of losing what we have can motivate us to overcome issues from the past.
My suggestion is that you continue to stand back from the relationship. If things happen that lead the two of you to discuss getting back together, let him know that you won't see him again until he seeks help for his issues and is ready to make a commitment.
Despite the constant signs that his girlfriend wants the two of you together, she will have to work her influence on him, not you. The next time an incident like this occurs, stop, call her name, and say, You need to send these signs to him. He is the one you need to convince.
If these same unexplained incidents were to start happening to him, he might finally realize that it is time to move on and that even his late girlfriend agrees.
*****
Oceania:
Having a girlfriend die unexpectedly in his arms took an emotional toll on your boyfriend, and he has not yet fully healed from that traumatic experience. He now associates love with literal heart break
and death. That being said, his past is not your fault, and you should not have to pay for it.
Your frustration is understandable, as is your wanting to move on to someone whole and healthy who is capable of commitment. One way or another, we eventually lose everyone we love, but when people have truly grieved, they have renewed faith in their ability to cope with the next loss to come. Ironically, by trying to avoid loss, your boyfriend is ensuring that he will lose you sooner rather than later.
Whenever you pull away, he tries to hang on and maintain the status quo. He is comfortable with the way things are because you're the one doing all the accommodating. His self-centered attitude is interfering with you phoning your friends, but I have news for you: He couldn't do that unless a part of you is colluding with him!
All of us feel victimized in relationships at one time or another, but the fact is that no one has any power over us unless a teensie part of us aligns with our oppressor's viewpoint. A small part of you is willing to stay under any circumstances, which is why you don't fully seize your freedom. Once you make peace with the fact that this relationship is too little and unacceptable to you, your phone will start working again, and your dates will stop disappearing. The notes from the music box were a manifestation of your boyfriend tugging on you, trying to entice you to stay, but four notes are not enough! You deserve an entire symphony.
You have been excusing your choice to linger in this dead-end relationship by attributing roadblocks to leaving it to your boyfriend's ex. As I don't see her in this picture, I beg to differ when you say, It's not me with the problem.
You have your own fears of commitment and loss or you'd be long gone by now. You and your boyfriend share more than a birthday; you're both also willing to settle for a half-baked relationship in order to feel safe.
There may also be an element of you hoping to be his hero, his angel, the special one he has kept around longer than those who came before you, but that's just an ego trip and waste of your time. Only he can heal himself. You might tell him to look you up when he has done so. I invite you to affirm the following: I release all blocks between myself and complete love.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.