Last November, I lost my fiance to a sudden death. He collapsed in front of me and while I was trying to find a way to get him to the hospital, he died. I didn't manage to say goodbye to him, and I feel guilty that I couldn't save him. He was just too young to die at the age of 35. Everything was going so well for us, and now everything is gone. We were supposed to get married this year. In recent months, strange things have been happening: I will catch a glimpse of someone sitting in the living room or bedroom and it looks like him. I heard a voice calling me just the other day. Things have moved so often that I am starting wonder if I'm hallucinating, but I don't think I am. I don't feel scared or afraid of any of this, I just need to know if it's really him still here with me. He has always been with me when we were together and has never left my side. We worked at the same place so we were with each other 24/7. I have dreams of him telling me that he is still here with me. I even question him in the dreams on how that is possible, and he answers that he has made some arrangement to be here. Is it possible? I feel so lost without him.
Nikki
Susyn:
Death is always shocking to us, particularly if the person died suddenly and at an early age. When our loved ones cross over to the spirit world, it can be hard NOT to feel like they have left us because their physical presence is gone.
Though he may not be physically present, the paranormal activities you describe confirm that your fiance is as close to you as he ever was. The incidents you describe are not your imagination; they are very real. His ability to call to you, move items and visit you in your dreams all verify that he remains near you.
You can also rest assured that your fiance does not want you to feel guilty because you couldn't save him; no one could have changed what happened. Even the fact that you were not able to say goodbye to him was pre-ordained, for he has no intention of parting ways.
Spirits can send us messages in many ways: they may appear as apparitions, emit certain familiar scents, or get our attention via sounds, songs or objects that we identify as personal to them. Because the two of you were so close, you are even more tuned-in to his spiritual presence, which is why you are able to pick up the signs he is sending to you. The fact that these events don't frighten you is yet further confirmation that they are coming from your fiance.
At times, spirits can remain earthbound because they refuse to go towards the light and are holding fast to the physical world. Given the untimely nature of his passing, he may be having as much trouble accepting that he has died as you are. At some point, however, he will have to make the decision to move forward, just as you will. You can take heart that while you both adjust to what has happened, he is being allowed to stay near you. This is important as the two of you grieve this loss and begin to heal.
It is understandable that you feel completely lost. The life you had planned with your fiancÈ has been swept out from under you, and there is no way to get it back. However, with time, you will form a new path for yourself, and with Spirit's help, you'll move forward. As you do, you will develop greater spiritual understanding and see the higher purpose behind what has happened, as unlikely as that may sound at this point.
The spiritual connection you have been experiencing with your fiancÈ will ebb and flow, but overall, it should grow and evolve over time. Your souls are entwined so even though you are now on a different path, your fiance will never completely leave you. Instead, he will accompany you as you follow your destiny into the future.
*****
Oceania:
What a terrible shock to go from 24/7 togetherness with your fiancÈ to abrupt separation, at least on a physical level. I'm so sorry for your loss.
At any given moment, people struggling emotionally will find themselves somewhere on a spectrum where one end is severe anxiety or panic and the other is dissociation or total shut-down. The ideal is to hover in the middle, to be aware without being on high alert, and be serene without being absent.
Following a traumatic loss like yours, it is common to fluctuate between the two extreme ends of this spectrum. Sometimes you might feel hypervigilant, while at other times you might feel empty and listless. Either of these states can disrupt normal thought patterns and lead to unusual symptoms like hearing your name being called.
Conscious awareness and short-term memory are impaired at either end of the emotional arousal spectrum, so given what you've been through, it's likely that you were the one who moved the misplaced items in your home. Under stress, our brains easily misinterpret blurry imagery from our peripheral vision and see
whatever is on our minds, which is why you may be glimpsing your fiance. Another factor in visual misperception is our built-in tendency to see faces where there are none, as we do with emoticons.
Our brains are also wired to err on the side of sensing rather than overlooking the presence of other beings. This is because we're the descendants of ancestors who were overly sensitive in this regard. (Those who were oblivious to hidden predators did not survive to pass along their genes.)
You spent so much time with your man that he may have became your Source, which is a role that no mortal can fulfill. Rather than seeking his presence, you might focus on experiencing a connection with All-That-Is. Every seeming tragedy carries hidden blessings, and one of yours is the opportunity to strengthen your spirituality. We exist in partnership with Ultimate Wisdom and can learn to find good in whatever transpires and to discover gifts in unlikely places.
You experienced something very special with your fiance. It reminds me of a passage from a song about loss: Love leaves a trace, and the heart holds a place for love's return.
Also, near the end of the film Harold and Maude,
Harold sobs as he tells a dying Maude that he loves her. Always the optimist, she replies, Oh, Harold, that's WONDERFUL. Go and love some more.
That you loved and were loved expanded you. It is not WHO we love but THAT we love that fuels our souls.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.