I am very empathic, and think I have the ability to "assume people's emotions." When someone loves me, I love them, and when someone is sad, I become sad. At times it's hard to differentiate my own feelings from others' feelings. I've just started to realize that in the past, I have gotten into relationships only because I felt the attraction the other person was feeling, and eventually, my own true feelings would emerge. I'm now in love with a girl, and am worried that perhaps this relationship is entirely based on how SHE feels. I don't think it is, but I can't tell the difference. Any advice? I'm thinking about leaving her until I figure out what is really going on in my own heart.
- Antony
Dreamchaser:
Since my daughter is a very powerful empath, I know the struggle you go through separating your emotions from someone else's. It can be an incredibly difficult process. Unless someone is an empath or has close ties to an empath, this may sound silly. I, however, fully understand your plight here.
I suggest that you go with your first idea. Explain to her that you are an empath and tell her exactly what you told us. Explain that you have gotten into relationships because of the love you felt from the other person, and then things turned out to be one-sided. Tell her that you need some time away to determine what you actually feel for her.
At that point, you should immediately picture yourself in "The Bubble." I know I have written about this numerous times in this column, but it bears repeating.
My bubble is made out of purple water. It completely surrounds me, and I am in a state of suspension inside of the bubble. My energy can get out, but no one else's energy can get in and affect me.
When I'm giving readings, I pretty much stay in this bubble. It preserves my energy and keeps me strong and whole for the next client and the one after that, etc.
So pick your favorite color and material and create a mental bubble of your very own. Imagine yourself stepping into this bubble and it sealing up around you. Just stay in this bubble the entire time you are away from this woman.
If you do that, her energy can't get to or affect you in any way. Whatever you feel will be solely YOUR feelings. That way you will be able to determine what is coming from you versus what is coming from her.
As a matter of fact, this works with ANY situation. For an empath, a bubble can be INVALUABLE. When you get to feeling too much energy from the world, situations or a person in particular, step into your bubble. It will really make your life much easier.
As you stay in your bubble, you are going to get clearer and clearer about your feelings and your relationship with this woman. You will also be able to analyze her actions and feelings, and really get a good grip on what is what in this relationship.
If you eliminate all that outside energy, you will be much better equipped to deal with the deeper reality in this situation. I suggest you stay in this bubble and out of contact with this woman for at least two weeks. That will give you both time to figure out what you really want.
Frankly, I think she needs this time as much as you do, for she has been carried away on waves of your psychic energy too.
I wish you calm clarity.
*****
Astrea:
Being empathetic is part of the human condition. When our friends love us, we usually return that love, and when they're sad, we are too.
What you describe isn't any different from what the rest of us feel - it's what you're doing with it that is blocking you from achieving a fulfilling relationship with this girl you say you "love."
You say that in your other relationships, eventually you would realize that the person you "love" because she "loves" you isn't the person you want to be with. It sounds to me like what actually happens is you get swept along with the other person's desires.
A true empath doesn't get carried away like that, and while he might UNDERSTAND and FEEL the emotions of the other person, he would not internalize them and take them on himself.
Empaths delve into other people's hopes and fears to try to help those people get in touch with their OWN feelings. They take on those people's feelings while maintaining their own emotional integrity. It takes years of study and practice to do that, and it doesn't just "happen" to them.
A true empath would not feel romantic love for another person because that person feels it for them. They would help that person work through their misplaced feelings of love in order to move on.
A true empath would never entertain such a thought as reciprocating love from another, and would absolutely know what was going on. To take advantage of another in that way would be a horrible betrayal of the empath's gift!
What YOU are in this situation is CONFUSED. You say "I'm now in love with a girl, but worried that the love is based on what SHE feels." Well, are you in love with her or not?
It certainly sounds like you tend to think you're in love, then become bored and dissatisfied, and instead of taking responsibility for your own feelings, you blame this "empathy" you have for others. While that is a very creative excuse for breaking up with someone with whom you've become disinterested, it's still an excuse.
What you're actually doing is not empathy. It's a passive aggressive attempt blame the other person for the break-up. You say you're "thinking of leaving her" because you're confused. Face it, friend - you're thinking of leaving her because you WANT to leave her.
Own up to that and tell the girl you're unsure of your own feelings. It really doesn't have anything to do with her. If you can uncover your own HONEST feelings about this situation and share them with her, perhaps she'll wait for you to sort things out.
If she loves you, I know she'll try!
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.