I am writing to ask about long-term connections with loved ones who have passed over. It has been just over two years since I lost the closest friend I ever had. At first I felt him around a lot, because I took his death very hard, and I felt that he was trying to comfort me. We also had some unresolved issues between us (unspoken feelings, at least on my part). As time went on and I learned to cope better, I would sense that he would "check in on me," and I would get little signs at times, especially on birthdays, etc. I do feel that he is doing well; I get a sense of him being happy and free. I am very glad for him of course, but feel almost like I am losing him all over again. It is still hard for me to look ahead to a future without him, for it seems so empty. Do our loved ones eventually leave us completely? Do our earthly relationships lose meaning in the afterlife? Am I just "stuck" in the grieving process? I would greatly appreciate your insight and input.
- Katy
Dreamchaser:
We never lose our loved ones who pass on before us; they are always there. All we have to do is call out their names and they will come to us. We never ever lose touch with them.
You were correct in stating that you felt him around more when he first passed. You were inconsolable, so he did come and do what he could. As you started to heal those gaping wounds of grief, he started to leave you more and more.
He is VERY happy where he is. He is healthy and everything works the way it is supposed to. He can move again. I have to tell you, usually when I see loved ones on the Otherside, they are in big open places - I rarely see them in crowds. This one here is in a big crowd, however. He is where everyone else is, and he is vibing with the energy of the gathering. He is a very "social" being, even on the Otherside.
I think that the old expression, "We never get over someone we love, we just have to learn how to live without them" is very true. You are learning how to live without your very best friend. You two depended so much on each other. You two were there so much for each other that even after all this time, you still have a huge gaping hole in your life that he used to fill.
When you feel that hole, you grieve. There is no set timeframe for grief. It is what it is. Sometimes it is manageable, and sometimes it will bring you to your knees. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You just do it as it comes. You are not stuck. You are "normal."
When you pass over to the Otherside, your humanness and the parts of the relationship that went along with the humanness will not matter any more. I think at that point, you will both be spiritual beings again, and you will take the spiritual lessons from this lifetime. Any earthly or human issues such as ego, fear, doubt, self-loathing, etc. will have no more meaning there. Only the spiritual lessons learned will have meaning.
That doesn't make your earthly relationship meaningless. You came, you communed, you learned, and you will keep all of THAT when you both cross over. You will continue to commune on the spirit level as you both are in the same soul family. You have gone from life to life to life with each other, and will continue to do so.
I suggest you look around in your community for organizations that hold grief support groups. I think it would do you some good to listen to others tell their stories, see that you are not "crazy," and perhaps pick up some great ideas on how to deal with your own grief. It can't hurt to sit in on one meeting.
I wish you healing.
*****
Astrea:
My best friend crossed over unexpectedly in 1996. I began to communicate with him again about a year later. He was a lovely person, and I thought we'd left a lot of things left unsaid, but we didn't - and you two probably didn't either.
Because your friend is in Heaven now, he knows everything that you meant to say while he was alive. When you talk to him, he hears you, every time. We should all be so lucky with our living loved ones! It would be wonderful to be able to express ourselves in the pure way we can with those who are in a Celestial Incarnation.
While you can't feel him or hold him with your physical body, he CAN come to you. He might be invisible, but you do feel him there with you. When you're feeling anxious, sad or tired, he's right there, and will be until you reunite with him in the Afterlife. Don't ever feel that he's slipping away from you, for he's not. As long as he's alive in your heart, you two will maintain a strong connection.
He lives in and through you always. Your memory keeps him alive for yourself and for others who love him. Staying in close contact with his other friends and relatives and talking about him will help keep him close.
In your heart he will never be separated from you, so it's easy to see that in death, he isn't either. Death is a transition from this dimension to another, and there is a THIN VEIL that separates us, but only PHYSICALLY. Emotionally, our connections endure long beyond our time here on Earth.
Through our faith in the afterlife, we keep that connection alive. Never doubt that he'll be there if you need him on the worst day of your life, or even in times of great joy. You're still sharing your experiences with him, just like you did when he was alive.
He tells me that he's sorry that he left you feeling this way, and that he'll come to you in dreams any time you ask him to do so. ASK HIM OFTEN! He hates it that you're so sad and seem to be getting sadder. Grief is something that will keep you APART, not bring you closer together. Try to release the loneliness. While it doesn't block him from coming to you, it CAN block you from "feeling" him there.
Pick a time of day every day for a "talk" with your friend. In the quiet times when you are alone, you can connect with him and tell him everything he needs to know that you didn't get to say while you were both living. Even though he has a new existence going on in this Celestial Incarnation, he hasn't moved on completely from you. It's like that old song, "If you need me, call me. I'll be there in a hurry!"
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.