An excerpt from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self by Lora Cheadle
What inspired you to write your book, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self?
Looking back over history, women have always banded together, taking care of each other, supporting and defending each other against outside forces and creating a sacred net of knowledge, wisdom and love. We tended to each other in birth, marriage, death and shared in child rearing and chores. Somewhere along the line this sisterhood got lost and women began fighting amongst themselves, betraying each other in an attempt to achieve power and status, trading in their innate, collective feminine wisdom for a masculinized set of rules, intellect and structure.
This disconnection has been our collective downfall. I believe that most of the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational and career “issues” faced by the modern woman is a result of this disconnection from the tribe (as I call it, flock) of womanhood. My work, and therefore my book, is intended to heal this collective tribe, one woman at a time, making women aware of what masks they have been wearing, what pain they are covering, what blocks they are bumping up against, and what they can do to re-choreograph their lives in order to step back into their innate, feminine wisdom and flow. I teach women how to trust their own wisdom, the collective wisdom of womanhood and how to flourish in all areas of life, no matter what their story and no matter what their experience.
You call yourself a Life Choreographer®. What is that?
Choreography is the art of arranging seemingly random pieces of movement into a cohesive, beautiful dance, filled with form, structure, integrity, emotion and purpose. This is what I do in my coaching work with women — I help them arrange all the pieces of their life into something that has form, structure, meaning and beauty.
You offer workshops on how to “Find Your Sparkle.” Can you say a little more about what that means?
To “find your sparkle” is to live authentically as you are, letting your light shine it’s brightest. I like to say that all of our souls sparkle, they all just sparkle differently. If you look at a precious gem, like a diamond or ruby, they sparkle the most brilliantly when all facets are exposed. Our souls, our authentic goddess selves are just like that, and we too sparkle the most brilliantly when all facets of who we are, are exposed.
Have you always “lived your sparkle?”
I wish! Like so many of us, there were many times I got locked into pleasing others, or altering who I was in order to fulfill someone else’s expectation of what I was supposed to do, believe or think. I love to achieve, work hard, and do the right thing, but often that means doing things that are inauthentic to who I am inside. It means covering up, hiding and denying parts of my personality in an attempt to avoid judgment from others. And judgment from myself. When I can let go of these labels, roles and scripts, I can reveal my true self to the world, and so can you!
Judgment plays a big role in a lot of women’s lives. Can you talk about the importance of developing confidence in life?
Historically women have been second class citizens, who have had to do twice as much in order to prove their equality. In FLAUNT! I share the quote about Fred Astaire’s dancing partner, Ginger Rogers, who “did everything he did, ...backwards and in high heels." That’s the pattern many of us have fallen into — doing everything backwards and in heels, and pretending it’s easy! As women, we sacrifice ourselves to make sure we don’t look weak or incapable. But what we’ve really done is opened ourselves up to unrealistic expectations. We keep allowing others to raise the bar higher and higher, and it’s gotten to the point where nobody can clear that hurdle. We’ve set ourselves up for failure and until we realize it, we are just going to fall further and further into judgment and we are going to feel worse and worse. Judgment causes anxiety, depression, eating disorders, career burnout, relationship dissatisfaction, personal dissatisfaction. How many of us walk around not feeling that satisfied, but not knowing why? It’s about judgment. And until we recognize that the standards we are judging ourselves by are not realistic, and develop our own sense of naked self-worth, we will never be free.
In the introduction to your book, you talk about Naked Self-Worth™. What do you mean by that term?
Naked Self-Worth™ is a sense of self-worth that is based on one’s own internal standards as opposed to external standards. If someone wants a career, no marriage, and no kids (or to put her kids in daycare), or if someone wants no career, to be a wife and to stay at home with her kids, neither person should feel guilty or explain their choices to others. Naked Self-Worth™ is when we know ourselves so fully that we unequivocally are able to stand in our own truth, and judge ourselves according to our own values and choices.
What are some tips that can help us develop this sense of Naked Self-Worth™?
One of my favorites is what I like to call “burlesquing your world.” For those who don’t know, a burlesque is a parody. It’s ironic. It points out the hypocritical nature of many of our beliefs. For example, it’s controversial to breast feed in public, because someone might see a breast. But lingerie fashion shows are broadcast on TV all the time. When we “burlesque our lives,” it helps to get us out of the immediate, emotional stressful nature of what’s going on and to see what’s really going on. It helps us to see our labels, roles, and scripts as well as the stereotypes and archetypes that are at play in each situation. And it allows us to laugh! Which helps us to relax and regain our perspective and to reconnect with our own sparkly soul.
You use the concept of burlesque a lot in your work. Can you talk more about that? Why burlesque?
Yes! I love burlesque! First because it appeals to my intellectual senses. To understand burlesque you have to understand irony. You have to see beneath the surface to understand the joke. I like that. Second, it’s the perfect visual representation of what’s really going on with most of us. Most of us don’t set foot in the real world as we are. We wear armor for protection. We cover up our flaws, we accentuate our assets. But burlesque is about stripping away all that armor. We can dress ourselves up as much as we want, but underneath we are still ourselves.
In your book, you say that when we reveal ourselves authentically, and unapologetically show our smart, sexy spiritual selves, it can lead to personal empowerment and maybe even cultural change. Why is that?
Because suddenly we are using our whole self. We are embodying our full intellect, emotions and spiritual power. We do better. We feel better. We are more creative. We are more able to solve complex problems, and we train others to see that there are many paths to enlightenment. We see that there is more than one way to do things, and we start freeing ourselves to move into the full breadth of who we are. And we all benefit. We all win from that experience.
What advice can you offer women who love this concept, but feel trapped by the expectations of others, and want to change, but don’t want to upend their entire lives.
I think that’s probably most of us! We have worked very hard to create our lives, and we don’t want to ruin everything we’ve worked so hard to create! FLAUNT! is a process and a practice. Similar to yoga or learning a foreign language, it’s not something we just go out and do perfectly right away. I like to tell women to start with one thing at a time, and to slowly integrate that into their lives. Then move on to the next thing, and the next. Using the burlesque analogy, there is no joy or satisfaction in ripping off our clothes and standing there metaphorically naked. This process is about the tease! It’s about joyfully and teasingly revealing pieces and parts of our authentic selves. So it becomes joyful for us, but also joyful for our friends, families and coworkers to experience as well.
What if you really don’t like some aspect of yourself and you are working to make it better?
That’s perfect! Striving to grow and change is a good thing, as long as it’s a thing that we really want, and we aren’t doing it to please others. But keep in mind that life is always changing. We grow older, we lose jobs and relationships — all sorts of changes happen in life that are beyond our control. When we depend on external circumstances or things to make us happy, our moments of happiness will be very few and far between. When we cultivate a sense of naked self-worth, our happiness becomes internal, and we will remain happy, mostly forever! When we are in love with our hearts and our minds and our choices and our ability to feel all emotions fully, then we will be happy. So yes, strive to change if you want to, but be happy as you do so!
If readers could take one thing away from your book, what would you like it to be?
I would like readers to take away the idea that unconditional happiness comes from acceptance. I want them to see how FLAUNT! goes one step deeper than just “being authentic.” The next step is acceptance of that authenticity. Without that key step of accepting all that they are unconditionally, there will still be discord and discomfort that will stop them from revealing themselves fully, and they will still feel like the power is outside of their own hands. I want readers to see that they have all the power, and that power is in their own unconditional acceptance of what is.
Lora Cheadle is the author of FLAUNT! After ten years of practicing corporate law in California and Colorado, she chose to change paths to become the radio host and Life Choreographer® she is today. She is a certified hypnotist, personal trainer, burlesque performer, and yoga instructor, as well as a popular writer for People magazine and Elephant Journal. She offers “Find Your Sparkle” coaching programs, workshops, and destination retreats and teaches all over the world. Her home base is in Colorado. Find out more about her work at LoraCheadle.com.
Excerpted from the book FLAUNT!. Copyright ©2019 by Lora Cheadle. Printed with permission from New World Library.