My husband is police officer, and about eight months ago, he was assigned a new partner - an attractive single woman. (She got divorced about a year ago.) They work a late shift together, and spend a lot of time riding around in their patrol car. A few months ago, I started getting weird vibes about this situation. He is fond of her and tells me about these long, deep conversations they have. I was doing okay with it until I had a couple of run-ins with her, where she acted very different than she does when he is around. She made it quite clear to me that she is after my husband, and is pretty confident she's "winning" at this point. My feeling is that she might just win him in the short term, but later he would regret it. We have three kids and have had a good marriage. I'm very open with him and have told him all she's said to me, how I feel, etc., and he has a hard time believing it. I feel like he's gullible, she's conniving, and I may be in for a world of hurt if I don't handle this right. Since she's a cop, it's not like I can threaten to kick her butt! Any spiritual advice on how I can safeguard my marriage?
- Frannie
Dreamchaser:
First and foremost, Frannie, there is no spiritual trick to protecting your marriage. You said that you and your husband have a "good marriage." Happy men who are in love and have a "good marriage" do not have affairs.
I do feel that your husband is very close to his partner. However, people who are in partnership situations SHOULD develop a close bond. When I was a commercial diver, I was very close to my partner, who happened to be male. When he got involved in a serious relationship, I remained very close to him. His girlfriend often felt threatened by our bond, so I did what I could to alleviate her fears. I think that is the missing ingredient here with you - your husband's partner is doing nothing to alleviate your fears.
I don't want to in any way invalidate your feelings or undermine you. However, I don't feel that she did make it quite clear that she is after your husband and winning. Instead, you read that into her words and actions. When you told him what she was doing and he had a hard time believing it, it's because he knows you both. He knows how each of you think and act and how each of you talk, and he knows that she would never do such a thing.
Believe it or not, she is NOT after your husband. She considers him her best friend, and she can talk to him about everything. She can tell him anything. I think you should be grateful that she feels that way about him, because one day, he may just need her as back-up, and she may just save his life.
She is not the first woman that you thought was out to steal your husband. This has happened before, and he did not leave that time. He will not leave this time either.
I think the best thing you can do is just step up your "wifely" efforts. Be the best wife to him that you can be. Do not fake anything, and do not put on an act, but love him and be good to him and most of all, BELIEVE him. He is not looking to cheat on you or break up your marriage. He just has a great partnership with a new partner who happens to be a woman.
I also think that you need to look deep inside yourself to find out why you have these issues. I think a good place to start would be to buy a book called In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant. It is a workbook of sorts, so you are going to have to have a pad and paper ready to answer some questions about yourself. In this way, you can get to the roots of your insecurities and heal them and leave them behind.
Your husband is a good man and a good provider, and he loves you very much. Be good to him and believe what he says to you.
I wish you a long and happy marriage.
*****
Astrea:
That girl may think she's going to take your husband, but she is sadly mistaken. He knows that she's lonely and on the make.
To him she is no different than any partner he's had before. If you think back on the other partners he's had over the years, you'll realize he had long intimate talks with them too. They were probably men, however, so you didn't notice as much.
Didn't he talk about his favorite rookie he trained with equal fondness? What about that old guy who trained HIM? Your husband is a loving, caring, compassionate guy, but he's not about to be victimized by this twit!
The spiritual way to handle this predatory female is to turn the matter over to his Guardian Angels. Ask St. Michael to ride with them every evening as he goes to work. Get him a piece of rodachrosite to carry in his right pants pocket for general protection.
Ask the Archangel Gabriel to enlighten his thoughts so that he can't be victimized by deception. Ask all four Archangels to quiet your mind and keep you from worrying about this so you won't manifest it in some way.
Here is some practical advice too. The next time your husband starts going on and on about this girl, ask him what the morals clause in their law enforcement contract says about officers becoming overly involved with each other. In my own experience, police departments don't like that kind of thing. Don't be accusatory, just curious.
Also, while you can't outright "kick her butt," you can let others know that you know what she's doing. Fortunately, the timing is right, for she's ready to move on to her next victim. She has met enough resistance from you to give up on your husband and go after someone else.
Your husband is in a profession where he is allowed to have TWO life partners: a wife (you) and his partner at work. This new one just flatters him, flirts with him and strokes his ego. As upsetting as this is to you right now, you're not in trouble with your marriage.
He tells you everything they talk about and everything she says. You may think he doesn't believe you, but he knows better! He knows that she's "on the hunt" for someone to replace her former husband, and he would never betray you in that way.
He may talk like he likes her, but you're not married to a cheater! You have a great marriage with three fabulous children, and he is not going to jeopardize that.
Listen to what he tells you about her, and let him talk about her as much as he needs to. It's always better to be informed than to be in the dark. She's done this before, and she'll do it again. She's just been passing through your lives, that's all.