Confronting Negative Feelings

21-iq
An excerpt from Tantra for the West by Marc Allen
When we acknowledge and even confront our negative feelings, we are plunging right into the heart of tantric practice. That’s our meditation. And that’s what I’m inviting you to do — right now, right at the start of this journey into tantra.
Many people don’t dare confront their negative feelings, because they feel they would hurt somebody or be destructive in some way if they did. One man at a seminar once went so far as to say that, if he plunged into his feelings, he might rape hundreds of women and kill hundreds of men! But there are skillful ways to get into your feelings — ways that don’t hurt others, or yourself. Many of the practices and processes that follow deal with these methods.
So many people are afraid of their anger, and this keeps them from confronting and expressing it. But then they end up carrying their anger around with them for years and years. It ends up damaging their bodies, and often their relationships, because it comes out in all kinds of covert ways, such as irritation, anxiety, stress, and periods of deadened silence.
By expressing that anger, you can let go of it. But you don’t have to attack anyone to express it. Here are two good methods for getting something off your chest: (1) Let yourself yell and rant and rave and condemn and say all kinds of terrible things when you’re driving in your car alone. (2) Go into your room alone and put a pillow on your bed and pretend that pillow is the person you’re angry with. Then proceed to yell at it all you wish and pound it with as much physical energy as you care to put into it. Pound it to shreds, if necessary, to blow off steam. You can even use a plastic bat if you wish. (Somehow, something about smashing a pillow with a plastic bat makes it all kind of fun — even a bit funny.)
If you allow yourself to really act out your anger in ways that don’t hurt anyone, you’ll notice afterward that you feel much better, lighter, relieved. You have found a way to effectively let go of your anger, and you aren’t carrying it around with you anymore. If it comes up again, use these methods again, and again if necessary.
Whenever you’re in an unpleasant place, confronting a negative emotion, remember: It is not the situation itself that is causing you your problem — it is your rejection of the situation that is causing the problem. Another way to put it is:
It is not the world causing your problems, it is your own mind, your resistance to what is.
Don’t reject the situations you’re in, and don’t reject your feelings. Instead, be with your feelings, respect them, examine them. Look closely, and gently, at them. Simply look at what you’re telling yourself, and see the thoughts that are going through your mind. Look at them honestly, openly, and as objectively as possible.
The most difficult moments of your life are your finest sources of instruction. These are the times when you can make the greatest leaps forward on your path. Your feelings are a store- house of wisdom, if you embrace them, and look closely at them.
Within our darkest moments, our brightest treasures can be found.
You may be wondering what kind of wisdom can come from being angry or jealous or guilty. Look at it this way: There’s always a reason for your feelings, often a very simple reason. But when you’re caught up in those emotions, you can’t see why you’re creating them. If you can take a breath and ask yourself why you’re feeling the way you are, you learn things about yourself that you’ve never seen quite so clearly and never been able to express in such simple language. That knowledge alone produces some very positive changes in your life — changes that free you in a great many ways.
Discover what you’re telling yourself, even if it sounds stupid, or violent, or unloving, or totally negative. By simply taking a clear look at these hidden feelings, you are shining the light of your understanding on them, and you come to see exactly where you are limiting yourself, holding yourself back, being far less expansive, less wonderful, less creative than you really are.
As soon as you decide to look into the path of tantra, it becomes obvious that every “negative” feeling you have contains within it an opportunity for growth — if you allow yourself to plunge into it and discover what it is. Every feeling contains within it the understanding, knowledge, and wisdom that lead to true freedom and peace of mind.
If Buddha — the historical Buddha who revolutionized religion and philosophy in India 2,500 years ago — hadn’t gone into a period of deep depression and anxiety, propelled into despair by fears of sickness, old age, and death, he never would have begun his years of searching and examining. And he never would have become a Buddha, a “fully awakened one.” 

Within our darkest moments, our brightest treasures can be found.

Marc Allen is the author of several books including Tantra for the West, The Magical Path, The Greatest Secret of All, Visionary Business, and others. He is an internationally renowned seminar leader, entrepreneur, author, and composer. He co-founded New World Library (with Shakti Gawain) and has guided the company, as president and publisher, from a small start-up to its current position as a major player in the independent publishing world. He leads seminars in northern California and gives teleseminars that reach people all over the world. For more information visit www.MarcAllen.com or www.NewWorldLibrary.com.
Excerpted from the book Tantra for the West, © 2015 by Marc Allen. Printed with permission of New World Library. www.newworldlibrary.com