Dear Susyn and Oceania:
Is it possible to get a regular presence and communication from my departed spouse? My late wife, Myra, passed away in April 2012. She visited our daughter in her dreams a few days after she passed and told her that she loves her always. She also made her presence known at my mother’s house around the same time. She sent a sign that she is around by moving the vertical blinds at the window. The very last strand of the vertical blind was swaying back and forth for a very long time; it was the only one moving. I checked thoroughly to make sure that nothing else could be causing the blind to move that way. Then there was another situation when she came to me while I was driving with my window open. A butterfly flew in the car and landed on the steering wheel. It slowly worked its way to crawl on my hand, which was holding the steering wheel. It then went up by my arm, up to my shoulder, and ended up on my cheek. I was overwhelmed by all of this, because I knew it was her. I was very, very happy. There were many other sweet subtle signs from her, so I tried to experiment and call on her in my mind. I told her that I was going to my mom’s house and asked if she could be there, and she showed! Five minutes after I got there, the vertical blinds at the window started moving and swaying. I did this experiment twice, and she keeps responding. What I would like to know is if I can ask her questions and get anwers from her by having her simply respond yes or no to my questions by using the vertical blinds at the window. Am I being silly or what? Because this is exactly what she would say to me if she were living! Ultimately, I really would like to be able to communicate with her on a regular basis. It’s not that I can’t let go – I think I’ve done that – it’s just that ever since she passed, I have had this extraordinary interest in learning as much as I can about life after death. I have done a lot of research and started basic meditation exercises. Which way do you think is the best way to communicate with departed love ones?
How wonderful that you are in touch with your wife’s spirit! As long as we remain open to this possibility and trust in what we experience, we all have the ability to carry on our relationships with loved ones who have passed.
Many times, our loved ones attempt to connect with us after they have passed. If we ignore those signs or doubt what we hear or see, it can be quite frustrating for them. Your description of your wife’s visits to your daughter, the butterfly who worked its way onto your cheek, and her moving the vertical blinds in response to your requests that she make her presence known are all strong confirmation that Myra’s spirit has never left your side.
We should not be afraid to test our loved ones or make requests of them. If they are able, they will accommodate us. Your wife has shown that she is very capable of not only hearing you, but responding in the manner you request. The idea of asking her yes and no questions via the blinds is ingenious and just one of the many ways you can communicate with her. I highly encourage you to use these means to get answers to important questions. I would also involve your daughter in these processes, as her mother will be anxious to talk with her as well.
In my experience, focusing on a certain object attached to a loved one can also open the door to greater communication. I moved shortly after my mother passed and in the process, placed a clay sun face she had given me on the upstairs balcony of my new home. That’s when I discovered that at night, the face would glow from the solar rays it had been exposed to during the day because its paint was luminescent. I had had this clay object for years and had never known that it glowed. I took this as a sign that she was near, and I began to communicate with her whenever I wanted to by meditating on the face.
The more you practice communicating with your wife, the stronger this connection will become. You will hear Myra’s voice in your head and know that she is speaking directly to you. Spirits can also communicate through other people, the media and electronics. A clock that stops or starts for no reason, a special song that comes on the radio or a favorite rerun on television can all be considered signs of your wife’s presence.
The methods you use to connect with your wife will vary and expand as you both move forward and develop a new level of your relationship, which will involve melding the physical and spiritual in beautiful ways. Because you are both open to this new way of being with each other, you will always feel connected to Myra on a deep spiritual level.
I use tarot cards when my clients wish to communicate with a departed loved one. I invite the spirit to join us and speak through the cards if they wish, after which I usually perceive a strong presence and sense the message they are trying to convey. If this visual approach appeals to you, I recommend the Voyager tarot deck unless you already have a favorite. Begin by moving into a meditative state as you shuffle the cards, and then invite Myra to join you and communicate through the cards. Pose a question or invite her to share a message. Allow her presence to guide you as you choose a single card. Don’t concern yourself with the traditional meaning of the card; just notice the impressions you receive as you gaze at it.
If you are more inclined to communicate with words, you might experiment with automatic writing or typing. Again, take some slow, deep breaths, and enter a meditative state. Begin by writing or typing “Dear Myra,” and allow your own thoughts and feelings to flow. When you finish, invite Myra to reply by writing or typing through you, and get it all down without interpreting it. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar or making sense. When you have completed your dialogue, read it out loud.
It sounds like the two of you may have developed a system of your own using the vertical blinds. You might further experiment with that method and see if you can develop a yes or no system. I would point out, however, that the two methods I suggest above would not limit her replies to yes or no answers.
You said you’ve let her go, but I’m not so sure about that. It hasn’t yet been a year since your wife transitioned. The first year of a loved one’s passing is the most poignant because you are experiencing the seasons, holidays and anniversaries without them for the first time.
Myra was part of your daily routine for many years, so it’s natural that you’d like her to remain part of your life. It’s possible you are focusing so intently on your communication experiments as a way to forestall your grief about losing her physical presence, and that’s okay. Just know that there may be more sadness to feel and express, and even anger at Myra for leaving you. As she is now in a place of well-being and higher wisdom, you do not have to protect her from your pain.
When we stop holding back uncomfortable feelings and allow ourselves to express them fully, we reap all sorts of rewards on all levels: our physical and mental health improve, and by traveling to the depths of despair and releasing our emotional energy, we create space for new blessings to flow into our lives.
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