I have a problem, but I’m not even sure if it is a “real” problem. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over 10 months, and we are now living together. Sometimes I feel head over heels in love with him, and am sure he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Other times, I feel quite the opposite. I’ll be on my way home and just sure that I am going to find him at home with another woman. I also have felt from the beginning of the relationship that we are just not meant to be together. I’ve felt we could learn from each other, and are meant to move through some hard times together, but this isn’t forever. I have shared all of this with him, and he doesn’t know why I have these thoughts and feelings. I’m wondering if maybe these feelings stem from a past life in which he was unfaithful, or if I’m sensing that I can’t trust him to be faithful now, or if I’m making up that fairy tale to justify not being with someone who is so adorable because I’m afraid to commit or something. I’m hoping you can help me make sense of these “intuitions,” and explain how past life experiences can affect current relationships. Thank you!
Sandy
Dreamchaser:
You answered your own question: You are afraid to commit. You have been let down so many times in this lifetime that you are afraid to put yourself out there one more time. This is not a past life thing with him. This is not even a present day life thing with him, Sandy. This is your thing. This is your baggage. These are your issues.
He has never done anything to make you suspect that he is cheating on you. He has never done anything but be very kind to you. Nevertheless, you still are not sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
You have to look back at your past. Start with your own father. Do you trust your daddy? If you can’t trust your own daddy, how can you expect to trust any man? (Male readers: Substitute mommy for daddy here.) Now move forward a little bit. What other men hurt you, let you down, abused you in some way, and were completely untrustworthy?
I need you to spend as much time on each situation as you need to spend in order to start making peace with your past.
I also want you to start looking at the patterns in your life. I want you to look at each man who caused you any kind of pain or sorrow, and get down to the one fact that hurts the most. Apply that to your life now. For example, let’s ponder the man who made you believe he was something that he was not. Now flash forward to your current relationship. Where is that past experience coming into play and haunting you in your current relationship?
I keep hearing this line from your question: “I also have felt from the beginning of the relationship that we are just not meant to be together.” If you were stepping onto an elevator and someone told you that the cables were going to snap and it was going fall, would you get on anyway? Why do we think that we can change outcomes when we know that we are not meant to be with someone? Why didn’t you listen to that? Now you are living together, which makes it that much harder to get out of there when it is time. You know already that he is not the right one for you, yet you continue with the relationship. You could have learned without having to move in together.
You can’t turn an elephant into a mouse. You are trying to manifest a reason to get out, since you don’t have the heart to walk away with no good reason. Those are the intuitions you experience. Just because someone is kind and wonderful doesn’t mean they are for us.
Before you start seeking past life answers for this, make peace with your present life.
I wish you clarity.
*****
Astrea:
Sandy, your problems don’t have anything to do with your past lives, but they have everything to do with your past in this life! Your nice, sweet boyfriend has done everything he can imagine to make you feel safe and secure with him, and nothing he does is good enough for you. You can’t trust him or appreciate him, and that is all on you. He would never cheat or betray you.
You need therapy to get over some disappointments you’ve been carrying around in this incarnation that are causing these thoughts about someone who would never hurt you in any way. Find a good psychologist. You should not be feeling this groundless fear, and I would be willing to bet that it doesn’t have a thing to do with your man. Perhaps you haven’t healed from some old abandonment issues. Perhaps it was your mom or dad who put you in this frame of mind. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but keeping it going is. It won’t take the right person long to get to the bottom of this, and I am sure your boyfriend would welcome the chance for some couples’ counseling to help you. He’ll do anything to make you happy!
If you didn’t really love him, I could see why you’d be afraid to commit. If you were addicted to conflict and drama, it would be easy to see that too, but I don’t get that from you at all! While it takes about two years to be certain if someone is just right for us, feelings of doubt should be going away by now. By thinking “we’re not meant to be together forever,” you doom the relationship to an inevitable end, and I don’t feel that’s what you really want.
I do believe that you love him, and that in the past, people you have loved have always left. That is the connection to a few other incarnations. However, it doesn’t have anything to do with him. You’re only trying to protect yourself from another big disappointment. I understand that completely, but these are unfounded fears.
Your fear that he will hurt you or leave you is taking over your life, and will ruin this relationship. If you don’t get some help with this, you are going to break up. He can’t stay with someone who doesn’t trust him, and he has tried everything to make you feel secure. By seeking professional therapy, you will show him that you’re serious about loving him and staying together. Fear is crippling. Your letter shows that you are a smart girl who is trying to figure things out. Sometimes we can’t do that alone. There is nothing wrong with getting professional help to work through fears so we can be happy with the person we love!